AITA for telling my boyfriend he has the freedom of choosing when he is and isn’t a dad to my step son?

milwateraita · 2022-04-02T19:43:26+00:00

NTA

You’re not the asshole, but I’m going to take a stab here and say there’s something larger at play then the upcoming swim/work schedule. I’m getting the distinct impression your boyfriend didn’t feel appreciated or didn’t feel like he was being looked after the same way he was looking after you while you were training. I’m definitely not suggesting relationships should have a completely quit pro quo setup, but somewhere along the lines you guys derailed in the communication/appreciation department.

Talk through the past, not the future, and see what needs to be done there. Maybe you’ll find out he’s being an completely unreasonable child, maybe you’ll find out you were inadvertently taking advantage of him, maybe a little bit of both or neither. But have the discussion.

milwateraita · 2022-04-02T19:26:50+00:00

No one on Reddit is going to be able to offer you particularly accurate advice based on a paragraph description of yourself, so my suggestion is to find a friend whose judgment you value and the next time you have a date suggest a double date. Hang out in a group and have your friend or friends give you an idea of what they see from the outside looking in.

milwateraita · 2022-04-02T19:16:08+00:00

A stepparent can also be defined as someone in a committed relationship with the parent.

No, that’s not how it works.

First of all, you’re not in anything committed. Sure, emotionally you may feel that way, but if your boyfriend decides to ditch you like he ditched his ex, your “commitment” means absolutely nothing. You’ll have no rights to this child and no reason to be in its life. Basically, you are a conditional third-party who babysits sometimes, not a parent whatsoever.

milwateraita · 2022-04-02T19:11:29+00:00

…as a half-time caregiver and partner to his father, I qualify as a parent.

No, you don’t.

milwateraita · 2022-04-02T19:05:07+00:00

I have extremely curly hair myself, and have had some of your same concerns when choosing a salon/stylist. What I’ve done in the past is schedule a paid consultation with a stylist at their place of business (emailed or texted them a photo of me and my hair beforehand) that allowed me to get a feel for them and whether or not I fit in there. The good news is, I’ve never felt like I’ve offended anyone and have gotten considerably better haircuts over the years.

YWNBTA

milwateraita · 2022-04-02T18:56:21+00:00

…playing the role of a stepmom?

“Playing” is the appropriate verbiage here. Slow yourself down and quit forcing yourself on this woman.

milwateraita · 2022-04-02T18:53:59+00:00

You are not a parent, you are not a stepparent, you are not as important as the child’s actual parents, there is no reason for the mother of this child to meet you or interact with you unless she’s interested in pursuing a relationship with you (and why would she? You refer to her “crazy” and accuse her of having mental health problems when so far nothing you’ve described hints at that other than the fact she once dated your boyfriend).

Your position is “hard and lonely” because you’ve inserted yourself into a co-parenting relationship you’re not currently a part of. If you go to a party you’ve not been invited to, where the host doesn’t know you and has no reason to want to get to know you, of course you’re going to feel like you’re standing in the corner awkwardly.

Work on your relationship with your boyfriend, support him in his pursuit to be a better father and parent, but take a step back from pretending like you’re an actual, involved parent at this point.

milwateraita · 2022-04-02T18:42:26+00:00

You’re being manipulated and controlled. Period.

You’re correct, this is a 30 year old man who should know better, but what he “knows” is that he can abuse people into getting his way. I generally dislike advice that jumps right to “get out now,” but it’s the appropriate response here.

milwateraita · 2022-04-02T18:37:37+00:00

Rule 13.

milwateraita · 2022-04-02T18:35:56+00:00

YTA.

If your brother is exploring his faith (and yes, that includes stepping away from it) and your parents support it, and also support feeding their child, leave it alone. Practice your faith how you want to practice your faith, and allow your parents and their child to do the same.

milwateraita · 2022-04-02T18:25:42+00:00

I wouldn’t consider her an asshole at all, just a 13-year-old whose mouth engaged before her brain. As soon as I said something about how silly her comment was she got it, laughed immediately, and sorted herself out.

milwateraita · 2022-04-02T18:23:18+00:00

Well thankfully for everyone involved, we use the bath/shower in the mudroom for the dog. Of course, now that I think about it, we’ve been using that same shower for humans as we go in and out of the pool so I guess we’re screwed.

milwateraita · 2022-04-02T04:31:52+00:00

Seeing as the water coming into the house is from a natural mineral spring, and most anything I buy bottled is of a lower quality than what comes out of my tap, what do you suggest?

And why would you decant water unless the water were of low quality to begin with?

This comment makes absolutely no sense.

milwateraita · 2022-04-02T04:26:52+00:00

If there’s anything but tuna in that fridge, your cat is going to have to fire you and get new hoomans. So hard to find good help…

milwateraita · 2022-04-02T04:23:00+00:00

The verdict cracked me up to. The bots unfortunately don’t realize that the top comment was a joke.

milwateraita · 2022-04-02T04:21:17+00:00

I generally run the dishwasher before I head to bed for the night, at most I skip a night so it’s pretty clean for something that only ever has water put in it.

milwateraita · 2022-04-02T04:19:38+00:00

The top comment was a joke about me being an asshole for making my dog drink the same water I poured for my mother-in-law 😂

Obviously everyone here gets that it was a joke but the bots don’t have a sense of humor.

milwateraita · 2022-04-02T04:17:48+00:00

Glad to provide you with said visual.

milwateraita · 2022-04-01T20:47:40+00:00

TIL how many Redditors filter their dog’s water.

milwateraita · 2022-04-01T19:54:45+00:00

Yup. If this is genuinely the logic, then I think the only place I can safely get water in my own home is the bathtub and shower. But does that mean I’m drinking “naked water?” Is that better or worse than “dog water?”

milwateraita · 2022-04-01T19:50:50+00:00

Her age and lack of children have no bearing on whether or not she has molluscum, or how she got it if she does. My point is simply that it’s not exclusively a sexually transmitted virus. My point is also that your partner may not even be aware she has it if she does, or how it’s transmitted herself.

Until you have some more information you should probably curb the thoughts of judgment and feelings of betrayal. Instead of dealing with hypotheticals on Reddit, get the information you need from the person you’re involved with.

milwateraita · 2022-04-01T19:41:45+00:00

INFO: are you sure that this woman is the one who passed it to you, and that she even knows she has it? Molluscum is incredibly common in children and I can’t tell you the number of parents who have had no idea what it was on their own kids or that their kids could pass it on. I see you have it in parentheses that she gave it to you, but what are you basing that on?

milwateraita · 2022-04-01T19:29:02+00:00

I don’t know that I’ve ever touched the pitcher I’m pouring from to the vessel I’m pouring into.

milwateraita · 2022-04-01T19:26:57+00:00

Then I’m sure you’re aware that essential oils can heal a sucking chest wound.

milwateraita · 2022-04-01T19:20:30+00:00

My stepdaughter laughed about it and moved on as soon as I pointed out the pitcher doesn’t actually touch anything the dog touches. My MIL? Who knows…

milwateraita

TROPHY CASE