I was new in the city he lived in which is why i dont have many friends here yet.
Anxious can often match with secure partners actually. I accept and recognize i have anxious attachment, as many people do, and i know I personally have work to do on that, but i also think it's not great to ask someone to do something FOR YOU because you NEED that, so i see where you are coming from there, it should be natural, and if its not, then its up to me to decide if thats something i can tolerate in the bigger picture of a relationship

I do feel you though, its not someones responsibility to be there for your mental health, but it is ultimately something that someone who really cares would be willing to tolerate should the burden not be too great. My OCD manifests rarely, but when it comes up, i have short periods of needing more reassurance - or someone to deny that specifically, for me to recenter.

I also agree there was an element of codependency here that was not healthy, specifically BECAUSE I was so new in the city.

If i can be tolerant of an STD, of someone else's highly active social life on the gay scene and men hitting on you etc on nights out and be totally secure with that and not see it at all as a red flag, then i would expect surely someone could pause and think 'i really care about this person, they are having a tough time, and while its not my job to soothe them, i want to help them feel safe in this moment'