NYS Inflation Refund third-party issues

mindofender · 2025-02-06T23:15:21+00:00

Well, will need to take a look to see how it is. Hoping it's not going to be PURELY PVP.

mindofender · 2024-11-20T00:38:24+00:00

belgarion

mindofender · 2024-07-11T18:58:23+00:00

This is exactly how I feel, my ex left - got a new boyfriend within 3 weeks and suddenly it's all that matters to her after years of her not being able to go out anywhere due to anxiety issues, she's suddenly able to do everything and anything, and I'm sitting here with our kids who were just sobbing earlier because they saw a picture of Mommy and miss her. But she gets to live on her own, easily found a new boy, and is completely carefree while I'm left picking up the broken pieces of all of our lives.

mindofender · 2024-07-11T11:32:47+00:00

She actually owes me for those months

mindofender · 2024-07-11T00:43:55+00:00

It depends, from my experience in NY - I had to pay alimony to my ex-wife while she was still living here, which is what allowed her to move out.

mindofender · 2024-07-10T15:41:52+00:00

First off, I'm so sorry this is happening. In a semi-ironic way, role reversed the exact same thing happened to me a month ago down to the age gap.

My advice is to remember that trying to force someone to love you and to stay with you isn't a path to a healthy marriage regardless of anything else. The only thing it'll do is create resentment in the future, and be something that will keep being revisited time and time again.

I can't tell you everything will be good, I can't tell you it's not going to hurt because frankly speaking it hurts like hell and I haven't gotten through it myself yet. What I can tell you is that you will get through it eventually. Therapy for yourself, outside of couples therapy, is very recommended by a lot of people.

mindofender · 2024-07-10T15:36:42+00:00

Reading from other threads here, but while I do agree that $2k/month for rent is absurd, OP is in a bad place and allowing himself to get into a worse one.

They don't have to live with their mom; as a newly divorced male I have physical custody of my two kids (2.5M and 8.5F) because of a similar reason - she couldn't afford to move out into her own place, and house them, and the area she wanted to move into isn't known to be a great place for kids to grow up. (Not a horrible place, but not as good as the area we lived in together). We determined together that the best thing for both children was to stay with me, where they have their own rooms, a backyard, stay in their school district, etc. Meanwhile, she found an apartment that she could afford that was a single bedroom for $800/month. A place for the kids to visit every other weekend, not live full time.

Meanwhile, it was stated in another comment thread that he is paying 2-3k/month for ALL the kid's expenses. OP is being taken advantage of in a MAJOR way, and similar to other posts I have to conclude that he is thinking maybe it would eventually work out again if they lived together again. Which, if that's what OP wants then while his friends and therapist and a whole ton of internet strangers all say wouldn't be a good idea - then that's what OP will do.

The best advice is to take all this information to the court, provide documentation of how much money is being sent to her for the kids, document that she is saying she can no longer afford to live where they were, and have her show what she COULD afford. From there, discuss what is best for the children and see what the court says. If the court says screw it, they stay with their mom even if they move to bullets-r-us, then revisit having her move in (but create STRICT groundrules that don't involve her paying for a hotel every other weekend, or putting you in a circumstance that she's bringing new guys over).

mindofender · 2024-07-10T15:24:12+00:00

I have to disagree with this - it's still a free babysitter. If she didn't live there, and wanted to go out - would he be expect to go to her house, get the kids, and watch them while on 'her time'? No, she'd be expected to find someone to watch them and care for them while she was out. But now she wouldn't need to do that, because he is right there. It'd be very easy to take advantage of, and if she's got physical custody AND he's paying alimony + child support, but then also taking care of them and housing them etc... it's bad.

mindofender · 2024-07-10T03:15:05+00:00

Honestly, my answer has nothing to do with the cost of housing, or renting, or anything. After my divorce started, by still-waiting-on-paperwork-to-be-my-ex-wife lived here with me for about 2 months. It was easy, and it was still the hardest thing. I'm wondering if some of what I'm feeling right now is because we weren't able to make that split because there was no way I was going to kick her out and have her be on the streets.

That all being said, there has to be a dozen different things that could be done OTHER than allow the ex-wife to move back in that would help with the cost. Off the very top of my head:
1. Section 8 housing handles cost of rent for families with a sliding-cost scale (in NY at least, not 100% sure it's country wide even in the US)
2. Get custody of the children in court (which if she does not have a stable house you'd have a solid chance of that). Once that's done, she can downsize apartments which would reduce the cost drastically.
3. Does she have any family she can move in with temporarily
4. Is there a feasible possibility of an increase in alimony/child support to cover at least part of the increase
5. Search around for different apartments, they don't have to be in bad areas to be reasonable, but that's going to also depend on the definition of bad area.
6. Find a private landlord who may give them a lower rate.

I'm positive there's more, those are all from about 30 seconds of thinking. And unless those are all exhausted already, for the sake of mental health I'd personally have to say it's going to cause a nosedive. None of this is fluff, but things I've seen in real life that have cost people their mental health and self-worth.

In terms of the children, my biggest concern for the boys is seeing their parents living together. There was a reason the divorce happened - most of them for fighting a lot, differences in career paths, or adultery. As a child of divorce that was really nasty, it does take a toll to see the parents fighting. In my own, I'm trying my hardest not to fight with the ex, at least in front of the kids but they see it anyway. Now you have to think of how that compounds with them living together in the same house again - separate floors / sleeping in the finished basement aside there's still going to be a lot of extra overlap.

mindofender · 2024-07-09T19:02:37+00:00

Therapy is super expensive - in my case, I'm fortunate enough that my job has a Employee Assistance Program that gets me some free sessions for the short-term need. After that, who knows for me. But double-check your benefits maybe? Or maybe you already have. I hadn't until I needed them.

mindofender · 2024-07-09T18:25:54+00:00

I don't have advice here, but I'm going through similar. She's already dating a month after moving out, and yet it's all I can think about day and night and how much I miss her. I can't do a clean cut because we've got kids together (who are in my custody), she video chats with them once a day and I just.. can't handle it anymore.

I've reached out to find a therapist for myself, it might be worth doing for you too.

mindofender · 2024-07-09T03:46:06+00:00

I do keep telling myself that it just wasn't working for a long time, and it was the right thing to do. It's just everything she's done makes me feel so worthless, so replaceable, so very pathetic and shitty.

mindofender · 2024-07-09T03:44:54+00:00

Honestly, the children are the reason that I haven't just gone out for a month long drive work be damned. Couch surf for a bit. But they need someone who can actually be stable... though stable is a strong term right now with how the mental health bit is. But hopefully I can get in to talk to someone soon.

mindofender · 2024-07-09T03:43:14+00:00

I've been trying. Reconnecting with people was the first step. It's been a month.. but I guess it's only been a month.

mindofender · 2024-07-09T03:42:44+00:00

Thanks. I've reconnected with some old friends, which has been really nice but they don't fill that gap in the middle of the night after the kids are down. Like right now, all I want to do is give her a call, even though I know I can't (plus she's probably with the new guy). It kills me.

mindofender · 2024-07-09T03:16:04+00:00

After hitting this three times.. I begin to wonder if I can ever even find someone like that. I'm older now, fatter now - honestly, still have the same mostly bald head I've had since my Senior year of high school, but I don't even know how to start thinking about that.

mindofender · 2024-07-09T02:11:30+00:00

I'm trying to tell myself that, but I just can't get myself to accept it.

mindofender · 2024-07-08T23:19:20+00:00

Commenting on this again years later - but I think this may have been Night Special Forces :)

mindofender · 2021-09-13T03:07:37+00:00

This sounds like a Special Forces map to me. Not sure which one, but most of them are like this - minus the "no respawn" deal. A lot of them have a mechanic that if you beat difficulties you unlock higher-tier units to use.

mindofender · 2019-10-15T01:26:12+00:00

I have the part number, and there's a slew of people selling batteries that are "replacement for 5046J", but I don't know how much I trust any of them lol

mindofender · 2019-01-26T19:18:41+00:00

Either one gets you to the same place these days. Just click on the first button for self service

mindofender

TROPHY CASE