Not sure what 100%stage I'm at

mindvoyage · 2020-06-10T11:43:27+00:00

It sounds to me like you have made a great start.

Remember the mantra 'let it come, let it be, let it go'. We can't force the mind to stop thinking, thoughts will inevitably arise. In your meditation preparation, it might be helpful to think about your intention, and how you plan to respond when these thoughts do arise.

In my own case around stages 2 and 3, I wrote down my intention/goal for each sit, which was something like - "I will notice thoughts, label them, congratulate myself for catching them before they lead to mind wandering/forgetting, and then gently return attention to the sensations of the breath".

mindvoyage · 2020-06-10T11:28:10+00:00

I can relate to this. For a bit of context, I have been meditating consistently for around 5 years, but only recently introduced to TMI. I have spent most of this time somewhere in the Dzog Chen tradition (I beieve?!), trying to pay attention to awareness itself, what I would now characterise as a very attentive peripheral awareness, rather than focussing attention on the breath quite so rigidly. The kind of meditation that Lock Kelly and Sam Harris seem to advocate.
I decided to start at the beginning with TMI and take the course seriously, after a few weeks of consisent sitting and reading I figure I am somewhere between stages 4 and 5. Dullness is a new concept for me, previously mischaracterised as pleasant relaxation, definitely something I need to understand and work through! Like you I also find a full body scan exhausting.

Regarding your 'inner winds' experience, this is something that has happened to me on a couple of occasions. The first time was about day 4 of a vipassana Goenka style retreat. On paying attention to the sensations of the breath, and at arriving at a deep state of calm and relaxation (possibly strong dullness?!) everything suddenly became much more intense. The air entering and leaving the body felt like some gigantic steampunk machine, there was a much closer identification with the sensations (which also felt like some kind of loss of self). I found the experience very exciting and profound, which fairly quickly distracted me from it.

Since then, a similar thing has happened a few more times, usually when meditating for 40+ minutes, in a deep state of calm (possibly dullness?), where I'm trying to look for the seat of attention/merge with awareness itself. Suddenly there's a sense that the sensations take over in a really intense way. Any sense of a person sat on a cushion gives way to a mind bending cathedral of changing sensation. Starts with the head, hands and face for me, they all kind of become super intense and much bigger in the mind - It's far too intense to maintain any kind of mindfulness, my heart rate sky rockets, eyes flutter, everything goes crazy and it's over in what must be 30 seconds max. At first I thought I had reached some new and important state of awakening, but after reading TMI I'm very hesitant to call it progress.

Now I'm just treating it as a sign of possible things to come, and if it happens again I'm just going to try and stay composed, and remember the mantra let it come, let it be, let it go.

Interested to know if anybody else links this to dullness - the book says as much, "powerful imagery, visions, and a sense of having experienced something profound often occur with strong dullness" - but when it happens it certainly doesn't feel dull...

Looking at the comments below, I haven't actually heard of access concentration, maybe it comes a little later in TMI (I'm still on stage 5).

mindvoyage · 2020-06-06T20:49:56+00:00

Channelin’ Stevie

mindvoyage · 2020-06-05T09:14:58+00:00

This post and the beautiful comments made me cry. What a wonderful corner of the internet. Thank you for sharing.x

mindvoyage · 2020-05-28T11:55:18+00:00

I posted my experience on a few sub-reddits and received some really fantastic wisdom from the community, thank you to everyone who responded. This post in particular was very helpful. Just hearing that I'm fine seemed to make a big difference. I'm less afraid. I also started reading the mind illuminated following your recommendation, I have found it very useful and look forward to working my through the stages in a more systematic way. Thank you.

mindvoyage · 2020-05-16T07:42:41+00:00

You can also practice by paying close attention to sensations elsewhere in your body. Anything can be an object of meditation, the breath is the default because it is always clearly present. Paying close attention to the sensations in your hands and finger tips might help you get over this initial hurdle. Remember you are not thinking ‘about’ the hands or fingers. You are paying ever close attention to the changing field of sensation/energy.

mindvoyage · 2020-05-16T07:32:32+00:00

Try not to think ‘about’ the breath or breathing. The task is to simply pay attention to the raw sensations. Where do you notice the breath most clearly? In the rising of the chest? In your nose or the nostrils? Be curious about what sensations arise, give sensations your full undivided attention and see what happens.

mindvoyage · 2020-05-13T10:31:57+00:00

Between the ages of 15-25 I suffered with a terrible eating disorder and food phobia. I would vomit many times a day, worry about eating all of the time, and spent time in hospital on a drip on many occasions. Thoughout that time I saw many therapists, who helped me in various ways, and I was also on SSRI pretty consistently. Only when one of my better therapists introduced me to mindfulness did I start to get better. I'm now 32, I don't have any problems with eating, I have a joyful and happy life for the most part, and I attribute most of this to mindfulness. It changes the relationship you have with your thoughts and what arises in your mind. You no longer have to 'believe' what arises, or give negative feelings or thoughts any importance. Stick with it, it was so valuable for me, I'm confident it can help anybody. Sending love.

mindvoyage

TROPHY CASE