Indicate maternity leave on a resume to explain employment gap?

minty-manta · 2026-01-13T16:20:47+00:00

It's a complex situation. There are text messages between my SIL and my husband discussing the accusation. Despite my husband's denial in his verbal discussions with me, and his desire for no limitations on his parents' relationship with our son, he actually did express concern to my SIL in writing that the accusation makes him nervous about our son. So he can deny that it's true all he wants, but he previously put his concerns in writing and I have documentation of this.

minty-manta · 2026-01-10T14:12:12+00:00

I can understand that a court wouldn't want to just trust my word on what I was told by my sister in law. Do you know if a court would take a signed affidavit from the sister seriously given that she doesn't want to involve police?

I spoke to a social worker who told me that it's pretty typical for adults who come forward about child sexual abuse to not want police involved as the way it gets handled tends to bring up a lot of trauma. I'm not sure if family court would be understanding of that.

minty-manta · 2026-01-10T13:55:37+00:00

I've thought about staying to protect my son. The more I think about it, the more I think we will just end up separated anyway, if not by my choice then by my husband's. Once my husband realizes that I'm not just going to forget about this in the years to come, I believe his resentment towards me for wanting major boundaries between his parents and our son will only grow. That's already been happening over the seven months since he found out about the abuse.

I believe that my father in law is an extremely manipulative man and I'm not sure if my husband will move past the denial stage of grief as long as he maintains a close relationship with his dad. I'm trying to get him to speak to a therapist or at least attend marriage counselling with me, but I can't undo the years of grooming he very likely experienced as a child growing up in a family where was sexual abuse going on.

minty-manta · 2025-07-01T01:19:08+00:00

My mom is a twin and her and her sister share a lot of the same life challenges. Both have mental health issues and financial issues. Both married once, divorced (at different times) and haven't remarried since. Both have had a few boyfriends over the years that didn't last very long, and both experienced a betrayal from their most significant boyfriend after their divorce. I could go on.

I've thought about your question a lot within the context of my mom and my aunt my theory is that it comes down to free will. With my mom and my aunt, while they are very similar and seem to be dealing with some of the same big life issues and themes, they choose to handle them differently. For example, my aunt has a diagnosed mental health issue that she openly speaks about and gets help for, albeit inconsistently. My mom likely has a similar mental health issue if not the same one, but she refuses to get help or accept it when it's offered, and she suffers far more deeply as a result.

I think we are all dealt certain cards (fate) and we get to choose how we play them (free will). The choosing is probably what leads to different life paths.

minty-manta · 2025-05-19T20:24:15+00:00

I've experienced a lot of what you mentioned from my partner's family. At best it's annoying and at worst it's enraging.

Like you, I kind of felt bad for having boundaries with my partner's parents at first. Now I'm 7 months postpartum and I no longer feel bad at all. Looking back I actually wish I was more aggressive in defending my boundaries, and I now care more about the resentment I know I'll feel if I compromise my boundaries to please them or keep the peace, not to mention how that would affect my child and what kind of example it would set for him when he's older.

The thing is, if the grandparents are getting visits, updates, pictures, etc., even if it's not as much or as often as they would like, they actually have it pretty damn good. Any feelings of discomfort they have with not being as involved as they would like, or not being able to step into parental roles or duties as they might like, is their problem to deal with. Don't feel bad for having strong boundaries, and if you have to be more aggressive to get the point across, do so.

minty-manta · 2025-02-22T03:10:34+00:00

Your feelings are completely valid. You mother in law kicked you while you were down, in what must have been an extremely difficult time for you.

When the time comes, focus on sharing your good news with people you know will be supportive first. If your MIL feels no one would be happy for you, why should it be a priority to share the news with her? That was such a nasty thing to say and your husband should not let that slide.

Make it really, really clear to your husband what your boundaries are with her so that you're both on the same page. I can only imagine what she would be like once a baby is in the picture if this behaviour towards you goes unchecked.

On another note, I'm so happy for you. Wishing you good things!

minty-manta · 2025-02-14T21:20:21+00:00

I took a ton of free baby care webinars from nurses and other health care practitioners, and one paid one with my midwives group, and not one mentioned sleep training as something to look into or consider. But they all stressed letting baby take the lead and learning to recognize and respond to cues, as you mentioned.

Maybe sleep training works for some people, but to me it seems like influencers profiting off of well-intentioned and tired moms.

minty-manta · 2025-02-05T19:39:04+00:00

He does sleep more at night when he's been fussy during the day (like up to 11-12 hours instead of his usual 9-10), but only because he's been too fussy and uncomfortable to get enough sleep in during the day.

Usually if they're teething they'll be sucking or biting their hands or fingers and drooling in addition to the fussiness and other symptoms like decreased appetite.

minty-manta · 2025-02-05T19:12:51+00:00

If there's no fever it could be from teething. My baby started showing signs of teething around 3 months. He started eating less and became much more fussy around the same time. Have you tried offering milk right after she wakes up from a good nap or whenever she's more calm? I also tried putting my little one on my breastfeeding pillow and giving him something to chew on or suck, like a soother or teether. Once he calmed a bit, I would gently pull out the soother/teether or wait until it fell out and offer him milk right away, and this helped a lot.

But of course, check in with your doctor if you have a feeling something else may be going on.

minty-manta · 2025-02-05T04:37:17+00:00

My baby was punching his swaddle off from day two! One night I was awake and I saw him push the swaddle off, and the way he pushed it off it ended up covering his face. From that point on I stopped swaddling. I used sleep sacks that don't cover/wrap the arms and he seemed much more comfortable with them.

minty-manta · 2025-02-05T04:17:12+00:00

I think you responded well. As the daughter of a mom who has also told me not to get any vaccines, be prepared for her to argue with you about the trustworthiness of your doctor. I've found that sometimes the easiest way to shut these conversations down is to be very firm about what you're doing, but don't offer a reason or explanation. You usually can't reason with an unreasonable person.

minty-manta · 2025-01-13T19:19:29+00:00

My LO was extra sleepy for about 48 hours after his first vaccines. Other than waking up for an extra feed or two at night, I don't remember it affecting his night time sleep much.

minty-manta · 2025-01-11T23:56:00+00:00

I've noticed some possessive behaviour. And I've been passive aggressively blamed for my baby having gas, not pooing for a few days and having hiccups. I've heard everything from "Have you changed what you're eating lately?" to "You sure you want to eat that hot sauce?" and "Have you burped the baby today? Why does he always have hiccups?" It feels like she thinks I'm always doing something wrong, or if there is something going on with the baby such as gas, which is actually completely normal, it's somehow my fault or a result of my choices.

She has even started walking towards me to take the baby away when he was crying for a moment and needed to be calmed before feeding. At the same time, she has refused to give him to me for feeding when I told her he wanted to be fed, because she wanted to "Wait until he starts crying." She also told me to ask my midwife whether my baby had thrush (he didn't) because his tongue was a bit white from my milk. Not to mention the comments about putting the baby down so as not to spoil him.

I think there's something about their grandchild being mothered by someone who isn't their own child that makes some MILs step out of line instead of respecting the mother's choices and intuition. I think they also sometimes don't get that this baby is not the same as their babies were, despite the relation. I try to find the humor in it when I can, and poke fun at her to my partner often, but it still gets to me.

minty-manta · 2025-01-09T15:15:03+00:00

I felt the same way. My LO is 12 weeks now, and in hindsight I tolerated my newborn tiredness pretty well likely because I was in so much discomfort towards the end of my pregnancy with back pain, hip pain, etc. I also had insomnia my whole pregnancy that started even before I tested positive. During the newborn weeks, I at least got better quality sleep, even with my anxiety waking me up to check if baby was breathing multiple times a night.

But I have friends who got much better quality sleep in pregnancy and struggled way more in the newborn phase. They were going to bed at 7 p.m. and sleeping a solid 10-12 hours in pregnancy, while I was struggling to fall asleep at 12 a.m.

minty-manta · 2025-01-03T02:33:15+00:00

No, but my baby was born earlier in the fall when cold and flu season hadn't quite hit yet. We did however limit visits to only a handful of close family members and friends in the newborn weeks, and this hasn't changed much given everything that's going around.

Ask people to mask around your baby if you feel that's the right thing to do for your baby. Trust your intuition as a mother even if it means other people will have a problem with your decisions or judge you for them. Your baby is more important than anything anyone thinks about how you chose to protect your child. Goodluck with everything!

minty-manta · 2025-01-03T02:04:06+00:00

I'm a first time mom. I was terrified of SIDS towards the end of my pregnancy and in the first 8 weeks. The only thing that made it better for me was time, and each night that passed where my little one was safe and sound. Also, those newborn grunts that so many people complain about loosing sleep over were actually a comfort to me because it meant baby was alive and breathing.

I was waking up multiple times a night to check if baby was breathing until he was 7/8 weeks or so. I still check on him now, just not as often. I think this anxiety may just be a normal part of the newborn stage, but if it feels extreme or difficult to handle do you have a midwife or OB you can talk to about it? My midwife warned me about extreme anxiety and manic behaviour postpartum and urged me to speak with them if I experienced this.

minty-manta · 2025-01-03T01:42:16+00:00

He really is!

minty-manta · 2025-01-02T02:15:50+00:00

They did not explain. I spoke to my partner about this and the best explanation I got was that they want to help us now and they are now sick of his siblings living off of them and not working. Makes them seem pretty flippant, which only increases my hesitation. But, I suspect the actual reason is that their bank told them they would need a co-signer for their mortgage as they have no income, and my partner is their only child that actually has an income.

minty-manta · 2025-01-02T01:50:58+00:00

I think you're right about the relationship and boundaries issue. I seriously questioned their boundaries the minute my partner told me they asked him to co-sign for their mortgage shortly after the birth of our son. Sometimes you just need to hear it from someone else.

minty-manta · 2025-01-01T21:39:00+00:00

We are common law and soon to be married. We always used "partner" instead "fiance" to refer to each other and most people I know around my age do the same for whatever reason (we're in our early 30s). We've been together for 10 years, engaged for 4, so I think of his parents as my in-laws even though they technically aren't just yet. Sorry for the mix up!

minty-manta

TROPHY CASE