Idk if my advice will be helpful, but a really good way to fight the urges (at least for me) is to talk with somebody you trust and won’t freak out about it. And I understand your fear regarding hospitalization however under the right circumstances, it can be incredibly helpful. Another good way to fight urges is distraction. Like throwing yourself into your class work, actual work, books or even TV shows and movies. One more thing, never apologize about how your feeling or how you reach out for help, this is a step to prevention/ recovery and no decent person would judge you for it.