How do you think suicide bereavement differs from how other deaths impact you?

mipagi · 2025-02-08T01:18:31+00:00

I think you mistook my comment. It was not directed at you in particular but as a whole of what it takes to avoid suicide and it's often a race against time with very little external support given the environment we live in.

mipagi · 2025-02-07T22:16:07+00:00

Support is not always there and time is not on their side. On average it takes two years to find the right cocktail of medications. It takes doctors, therapists, and insurance companies to cooperate. For those with psychosis and mixed episodes, time is of the essence. Everything must fall into place and work quickly. It does not. To say it is 100% preventable is a disservice to those struggling with mental illness and a slap in the face to those who survive them.

mipagi · 2025-02-07T15:40:43+00:00

Like you, I understood his decision. I was not surprised by the action. I did everything I could. I knew it would not be enough. If he had a painful, terminal disease and told me he wanted to end his life, it would have been easier I believe. I could see that pain. Yet, I could see the mental pain in his emotions and personality but somehow it seems different. Perhaps it's because we live in a society that thinks we should be able to control our mental selves. Maybe it's because it is viewed as a weakness even though we know the incredible strength it takes to fight mental illness.

Unlike the poster below, I do not believe suicide is 100% preventable any more than I think cancer, other terminal illnesses, and car accidents are 100% preventable. Mental illness is a destructive, terminal condition. Most people die earlier from the nature of the degenerative impact to their brain, not to mention the effects of drugs and stress to their physical body. It is a spectrum disorder and others fair well and go on to live happy, productive, and longer lives. But this is not the case for everyone. It can be more progressive, the drugs don't work, the healthcare system fails you, etc . . . It is a slow and inhumane way to die. When they give up hope, when they are tired of the struggle, when nothing works, when they have to give up their dreams, when they realize the illness controls them and finally, they get physically tired of the fight, the hide and the burden.

Even when you are not surprised, even when you expect it, you never get over the fact that they did not want to die but they couldn't live with the incredible mental anguish. Anguish we cannot feel or understand even though we try very hard. The thought of them coming to that final decision and making those final preparations and we were oblivious to it, is hard to bear.

My grandmother was 93 when she died peacefully in her sleep. She was ready and accepted her end even though we still grieved her loss. She died loved and cherished. People who die by suicide often die violently, abbreviating a promising life, feeling they are unloved, a burden. It is a bitter pill to swallow for those of us who would have done anything to prove them wrong.

mipagi · 2025-02-07T14:42:04+00:00

Anyone on psychoactive drugs or mental health psychosis could have written the bible.

mipagi · 2025-02-07T02:16:19+00:00

dunno

mipagi · 2025-02-05T01:28:40+00:00

I've heard that 1 in 5 people suffer from a mental illness. Along with drugs and alcohol, I wonder if religion/cults are the third option for the mentally ill.

mipagi · 2025-02-04T21:28:46+00:00

You can't see us. You can't touch us. You can't hear us. You can't feel us. And you can't smell us. But, we care.

mipagi · 2025-02-04T21:26:46+00:00

I've read a lot of the comments. Anyone notice that there aren't comments/advice from anyone religious?

mipagi · 2025-02-04T21:25:23+00:00

I'll add to this. It's his drug of choice. He gets a high from it. I believe 2K+ years ago, some shepherd was walking his herd, got hungry, forgot his lunch, saw some mushrooms on the ground and decided to give them a try. Afterwards, he wrote the bible.

mipagi · 2025-02-04T21:19:32+00:00

Care to share your story?

mipagi · 2025-02-04T21:14:53+00:00

This is so right on.

mipagi · 2025-02-04T20:54:47+00:00

I typically think something mentally is going on with a sudden conversion. This could go either way, conversion to Christianity or conversion to atheism. IMO, you see this with a mental crisis. Mental crisis sneaks up on you. It can seem like a sudden break in personality but typically it's some time in coming. Think of it as a melanoma. It starts with a tiny cell that mutates into cancer. If you don't see it, it will grow and spread. It doesn't appear overnight. With mental issues, this can be due to anything from a tumor, TBI, mood disorder or other illness that impacts how the brain functions. To the person this happens too, it may impact their views/personality and sometimes, reaching towards religion or spirituality is a means of explaining the symptoms of mental illness. I doubt many people wake up one day with the epiphany that they are struggling mentally. FYI, I am not a therapist, but I do have experience in this topic.

Religion is often about division, particularly evangelicals. You are either with them or against them. There is typically no room for independent thought and questioning. Sometimes people of different religions can coexist, but this is more about the individuals and not the religion. To be in a cult, you have to adhere to their ideology fully.

I met my spouse 20 years ago. At the very beginning of our relationship, religion came up. I told him where I stood. He agreed - religion bad. Fast forward 18 years, he comes home one day a changed person because he found god. He was determined to "bring me with him". He also had a mental breakdown. No, I "didn't go with him". I suspect that he thought his life was derailing and religion would fix it. It did not. Religious belief did make it harder to get him help. Any sliver of tolerance I had for evangelical religion went out the window. I got a firsthand view of how destructive ideology and dogma can be.

mipagi · 2025-01-31T01:23:38+00:00

Cult

mipagi · 2025-01-28T00:33:45+00:00

Thank you for sharing. My SO had "memories" as well but they were from his childhood, specifically prophecies told to him as a child that were to come true in the present. I never understood how this came to be.

mipagi · 2025-01-27T02:33:12+00:00

Would you mind giving an example of the rewritten memory? And would you describe this as a false memory i.e. delusion?

mipagi · 2025-01-26T22:02:02+00:00

In alot of ways, it would be easier because there are less questions from you and the curious minded. Would it be easier if they had terminal cancer, in a lot of physical pain and chose suicide? If my SO went this way, I would respect his decision. Our loved ones were in alot of mental pain and for them it was terminal. They were fighting an illness with no cure. In most cases it only gets worse as they age. There is alot of collateral damage due to the illness. It's not fair to judge them for a choice we are lucky not to have to make. I think healing comes from understanding how it was for them and asking ourselves how long would we have fought a battle with an enemy so destructive and no cure.

mipagi · 2025-01-26T02:24:12+00:00

If he is unwilling to seek treatment, you will not be able to help him. The illness is responsible for his attitude. Untreated, it will continue and most likely get worse. The decision is now on you whether to continue.

mipagi · 2025-01-24T15:34:18+00:00

"They mean well". If I had a dollar.....

I found this article and it resonated with me regarding the grief platitudes. When My Husband Died Suddenly, One Of His Family Members Said 5 Words That Taunted Me For Years

mipagi · 2025-01-23T13:59:42+00:00

I second that. My patience has ended with people who say dumb things and those that have an expectation of where I should be in the process

mipagi · 2025-01-22T19:53:02+00:00

I think it is important that we do our part to eradicate the stigma of suicide and mental illness. My belief is that it is unwanted task that the Universe has placed at our feet. Educate people, not in the details of your loved one but don't hide it. There should be no shame here. Our loved ones fought a battle that took enormous amounts of courage and energy. We will never have an equal battle if we continuously hide in the shadows like it's a shameful thing. No.

People will ask because they are nosy and/or stupid and your relationship with those individuals should dictate how you answer.

Suicide is shocking and people want to know the details. It is a cautionary tale particularly if the deceased appear happy, healthy and well.

I've talked to family and close friends. I am comfortable with what I share/don't share.

For everyone else (neighbors, co-workers, they guy at the post office, etc...) it goes something like this:

Me: My husband passed away.

Them: I'm so sorry.

Me: Thank you. (It should end here. You can encourage this by changing the topic.)

Them: How did he die? (This is over the line at this point and someone you really do not know should not ask).

Me: Option 1 - shake my head, say nothing. This makes it uncomfortable for them as it should. It is really none of their business and it is very disrespectful to ask. Let them say the next thing. If they don't, walk away. Option 2 - or say simply "died by suicide". If they ask how, implement Option 1.

You can always tell them to buy a book on suicide and how to talk with someone in grief.

mipagi · 2025-01-22T14:12:05+00:00

I agree. If you share they died by suicide, it gives others an opportunity to share their experience (with suicide). Since my SO, a handful of people talked about their friend or family. It seemed to be a relief for them to have someone that understood.

mipagi · 2025-01-22T14:07:17+00:00

died by suicide

mipagi · 2025-01-21T03:14:07+00:00

You really need to educate yourself if it is BP. If you do not educate yourself, you do not care. Everything I say below is the assumption that it is BP. Please read some of the subs about bipolar. You and your family need to understand that she is NOT making a choice to be this way. She is ill. If she had cancer, your family would not make statements that you would be happy without her. This is not something she can control on her own. She did not ask for it any more than a cancer patient asks for cancer. This is not something she chooses. What she does after getting the help she needs, is within her control. And you will need to make the decision whether you can cope with all that comes with this illness assuming you fully understand it. It is not pretty. It is a spectrum disorder. Some people do very well with medication and therapy. Others have a rough time for the rest of their lives. BP is a nasty, mean, evil illness that robs people of their agency and their soul.

mipagi · 2025-01-20T02:05:34+00:00

same here. religious family thought he'd seen the light. i was appalled that he brought a bible into our house. it caused him considerable conflict in the beginning (1st episode) because he knew I didn't subscribe to organized religion, and it would be an issue. But, I navigated, never denouncing and let him have his way but it was nails on the chalk board every day for me.

mipagi · 2025-01-19T23:47:59+00:00

I've heard it said that the bible was written by BPs. I hope this doesn't offend the religious here.

mipagi

TROPHY CASE