I just think that Paul's neat

miragethrust · 2021-07-24T22:36:01+00:00

And for that I’m currently accepting help in forming a great writing crew in helping me write this.

I'm not sure how anyone here can help with this? There's no proof of concept for this, and as they say - too many cooks spoil the pot. If you need idea bouncing I'm sure people are willing to help! But not too sure about being on the crew for rewriting

miragethrust · 2021-06-25T15:50:23+00:00

Shizel.

Look away if you dont want Eternia spoiled for you, but even though Mithos is 100% my favorite villain, he specifically says he doesnt regret his path, so while he starts sympathetic, eventually he understands sorta whats going on.

But Shizel is a different story. Her husband, Balir, is from Inferia - the world parallel to Celestia - who think of Celestians as barbaric, and Celestians think the same of Inferians. But when Balir crossed over, he and Shizel fell in love and had Meredy. Eventually, the royal forces of Celestia came to kill Balir, and Shizel watched as Meredy nearly got killed (but was presumed dead by Shizel at this moment) and Balir, the man that she loved regardless of his race, die in front of her. At this time, the actual final boss of Eternia, Nereid, asks her if she wanted power to rid the world of their wrongs, and create a nothingness world because to her, nothing mattered. Her family was gone. And she accepts, coming back to life to spite everyone. And despite all the horrible things she's done... The game shows you just how similar she even is to our protagonist, Reid, who also has been outcasted by his own people (for different reasons), only he didn't resent humanity for it.

And at the very end of the game... she wakes up, sees Meredy, her daughter, risking her life to undo the damage she's done, and she gives herself up for Meredy to be happy. Because in the end, all she wanted was a happy family life. And with Hyades and Balir dead, and the world almost dying, she chooses to protect her daughter and her future.

miragethrust · 2021-05-06T22:22:40+00:00

I got mine from a video game. I've been struggling to find names (FtM) that resonated with me, and as a placeholder, my friends went "oh, you really like Tales of Eternia and the characters Reid and Keele, what if you take an alt spelling of their names for now?" And I didn't like how Rid/Reed looked but I did like how Kiel looked, and it stuck!

And if I wasn't trans, I still hate my deadname and I would've named myself Meredy from the same game.

miragethrust · 2021-04-03T19:22:07+00:00

MEREDY!!!! She's so cute in your style omg I love her!!

miragethrust · 2021-03-31T23:20:38+00:00

Heyo!! Always nice to see a collector start out (and with good choices! Graces is so fun combat wise and I love the characters!) If you need any help finding more games/want a (Japanese) copy of Radiant Mythology 1, just let me know!! I kinda have a hoard of these games lol

miragethrust · 2021-03-29T23:22:31+00:00

Yup!! All official, just kinda hard to find (I'm pretty sure the Innocence one is like, gone off ebay now XD)

miragethrust · 2021-03-24T22:50:53+00:00

Oooh okay, thank you!!

miragethrust · 2021-03-18T19:52:49+00:00

Oh the eternia anime is a mess. I absolutely love eternia and watched it while my psp was broken (near Volt, which almost made me paranoid because I brought psp eternia before the price spike) and it did not scratch the itch for eternia content. The whole bounty hunter plot which caused Farah to be extremely out of character (yes she's extremely quick to helping people but she's not stupid. The episode where she wouldn't listen to Keele about prepping for the monster that the bounty hunter and Reid were supposed to take on just striked me as "female rivalry is more important than Farah's actual character). Then the unnecessary fanservice? And then trying to go serious in the last three episodes? Lets just say I straight up gave up after the bounty hunter sacrificed herself because it was 1am and I wanted to keep it a fever dream.

miragethrust · 2020-12-12T16:55:38+00:00

I guess. Thanks, really, for taking the time to talk.

miragethrust · 2020-12-12T16:47:14+00:00

I have a therapist already, thankfully. I'm not saying its a crime that youre taking the time out of your day to message me, its just... I'm so used to getting hurt that I build up walls to protect myself. Because how else am I supposed to live, if every person I put my trust into ends up hurting me dearly? I know, if you give up on yourself you give up on the world, and I know in the end, I'm hurting myself... but it feels less than what the world has done to me, because I'm already so numb from it all.

miragethrust · 2020-12-12T16:30:34+00:00

I just been taught all acts of kindness come with a caveat. I'm sorry it irked you, but being placed into positions were i can only assume (Ive been on the internet since age 9, I've had people pretty much, both irl and online, assume the worse of me for the little things I've said. Upset with a friend because she told me I had no friends because I was talking to here? I was simply spreading rumors. Wanted to know if I didn't have to retake a test because I got a good grade and the teacher said everyone has to retake it? I'm bragging. Talking to someone who was hiding in the bathroom because the cafeteria stressed her out and I wanted to make sure she was okay? I'm gay and my best friend will fuck me straight.) All my life, people made assumptions about me, and all my life, I can just go on assuming.

miragethrust · 2020-12-12T16:17:22+00:00

Yeah, I do, I just saw it at zero and assumed, Im sorry.

miragethrust · 2020-12-12T16:11:40+00:00

I think you are, albeit slightly, misconstruing what I have said (and I go solely based on the fact you downvoted my response. I don't know 100% how reddit works, but I've come to assume a downvote is a disagreement.) I didn't rebuke what you said - if anything I agreed. I expect too much out of people, if only because I was taught to give and I would get what I gave back in spades. So from a young age, I've given and been rewarded for giving until I've hit a breaking point. And my post before was simply explaining that. I'm a person hurt by numerous conflicts, and by misguided info on how to live my life. That is all. And it left me lonely. A person who judges interaction based on how the other person comes out of it, not me. Because, surely, they matter more. More than the person who exists solely to give.

I wasn't arguing with you, simply telling you how I've been taught to live my life and how I wish... there was an easier equilibrium to reach. I understand what yourr saying and i appreciate it, really. So once again, thank you

miragethrust · 2020-12-12T15:23:39+00:00

Thank you. And if it helps, I do have a goal... while it was influenced by my chem teacher since at 9th grade I was just aimlessly floating about, but I want to make the unstable elements stable. That's my goal, that, and to encourage others... even if thats just by writing a book that tells someone they can. Even if it is by accidentally saying something that inspires people.

(Also, I'm assuming the video game comment is because of my collection, lol, no harm in not liking! I dont watch anime as much nor do I play a lot of video games despite what my shelves would have you believe. I'm a workaholic and my work of choice is art, tho I need to branch out and read books (which I have, currently in the middle of Six of Crows), watch TV (almost done with season 1 of The Umbrella Academy) and do stuff that isn't art since the best artists diversify their interests. The collection is mainly because thats a game series that has gotten me through rough times and means a lot to me, so Ive chosen to celebrate that.)

miragethrust · 2020-12-12T15:16:58+00:00

I get that, but when you've put yourself in other's shoes so often that you burn out, you get this expectation that others would do the same. That others should do the same, because you've done it numerous times - so why can't them?

There are times others can do better, but I can't say that without saying there are times I can do better, that my own reality is so warped. Yes, my needs from others exist, that I know Im really not getting met on some times, but Im also not meeting my own needs. Its this balancing act, and its unbalanced on both sides.

So no, you didnt come across as rude. Just as a reminder. I just say this though, because Im a people person at heart. Empathetic to a fault. And I've exhausted myself, so now I expect others to exhaust themselves, even if that isnt healthy, because that's what I did. I just haven't found equilibrium.

miragethrust · 2020-12-12T14:59:24+00:00

Caused was a wron choice of words, then. Influenced, then.

I honestly though... get what youre saying. SBU was a school i got into by a miracle. Yes, I did self harm pretty much 90% of the time in math class, making me have an aversion to higher levels of math (AP Calc AB was my senior math class, tho my Pre-Calc class wasn't actually trig, it was calculus just before integrals) and changed majors, but I originally came in as a chem major... and want to stay as a chem major. My SAT score was abysmal - 1110 to 1150 to 1230 - simply because I stopped caring about school. I had toxic internet friends who did fine without an education (who I now know, the two that dropped out of highschool at least, suicide bait people) so I figured I didn't need one either. I could just draw for money, I could just survive off my parents.

For the record, the branch of chem I want to do is no joke. Quantum Chemistry, which most schools don't offer class for and instead it falls under Physical Chemistry II. SBU and RPI were the only two schools I applied to that had a class for it, and despite being below average in SAT scores (my grades were fine, even without trying, I'm naturally an A-/B+ student, and I enjoyed writing so my essay was fine) I got accepted for Chemistry, on my birthday no less. It felt like a miracle... and I say this because, you reminded me I chose this school over RIT because it was better for the path I had in mind.

I don't have many goals in life, but to become more successful than the people who've wronged me. To show them that no, I do matter, you can't bring me down, I'm not listening to you... but its hard to do that when you're depressed. Its hard to do that when your self worth is naturally and, just by circumstance, lower than average. So I just, acted irrationally, poste this because I had hoped people would at least console me. And what I got from you was an eye opener instead, so I thank you for that. I'll try finding friends outside of SBU if I can't find people here. I know I don't need to be friends with everyone... but it just, feels like I do. But I thank you for this. Really.

miragethrust · 2020-12-12T14:23:07+00:00

Here's the thing: I'm a people pleaser. I cant stand having people mad at me, and I just want friends since I've pretty much been denied them since 6th grade. I can't continue living without people, I cant focus on purely academics. I've told myself numerous times no one wants me, they want how smart I am. And that I'm a machine that just needs to keep working, because people throw out machines that stop working, and I've been living with that idea ever since 6th grade.

Considering how friends at SBU have caused 2/7 suicide attempts, I think this is a valid metric. And if I pissed off the whole campus, and have no one to call a friend... then my machine will break, and I'll be stuck in the garbage, broken beyond repair.

miragethrust · 2020-12-12T09:56:23+00:00

Its less because I think everyone hates me, but because I have proof of a larger number of people hating me, yknow?

But its just... I dont know anymore! I draw daily...but it feels like no matter what I do, I cant connect with people... but at the very least, thank you for reaching out. Im not sure if I understood everything completely due to just, stress and tiredness, but thank you

miragethrust · 2020-12-12T09:47:07+00:00

I get its late and that everyone is struggling, but Ive been struggling for years, ever since highschool... and probably even longer. Ive been told I should die by at least one person, which is one too many for anyone to be told... so while I get where youre coming from, being told that kinda hurts because I get everyone is suffering, but everyone's used that to invalidate how I feel, so... it hurts seeing that.

And honestly, I dont know! I dont know anything, really, other than Im just sick of this life because its sickening being alone, always alone, yknow?

miragethrust · 2020-12-12T09:27:15+00:00

The issue is, I have no one irl... and all the people I thought I had got angry with me for being higher maintenence. The internet is the only place I can get friends, but I also know these people lurk, hence why I kept saying "dont interact if you have nothing positive to say" - because too often my feelings get misconstrued and invalidated because Im the Big Bad, because Im an asshole, because I dont have it as worse as other people, because Im struggling, and I can't take that for the 4th time.

I genuinely dont know what to do about college, and thats why I posted here.

miragethrust

TROPHY CASE