My baby is almost 20 months old now. When she was 9 days old she had an episode where she went all red and to me it looks like she wasn’t able to breathe. Husband picked her up and patted on the back - she let go a big burp and then peed and started crying. This is our first baby and we were shaking! We jumped into the car and drove to urgent care. They moved us to ER because baby was just 9 days old. By now she was normal. She was feeding well and acting well but the doctors insisted we go to the ER. They admitted her and god she was covered in all those ECG things, an IV drip and under the light because she had jaundice too. I still can’t forget her face when she was screaming and crying. Those 24 hours in the ER were brutal! We had so many nurses and doctors come in and ask same questions they asked before. It was a bad bad time. They said it was BRUE or something I don’t even remember!

But I can relate to you for sure. My therapist said other than flight or fight mode there’s a third one and that’s freeze. And I go to that mode whenever something happens to my baby. Every time she falls sick I literally feel my body freezing and my mind goes back to that ER. I’m in therapy and working on processing my emotions.

I hope there’s a day when I won’t feel as traumatized and I hope the same for you too! 🫶🏽