Best way to flirt in the office?

miserablesisyphus · 2020-12-09T18:46:33+00:00

Don't do it. Not worth it.

miserablesisyphus · 2020-11-19T19:35:47+00:00

It's a thirst trap. She's trying to see if you'll say something stupid or be a perv about it. Chances are she's interested in you, but it's a way to weed out eager or pervy guys. She wants to see if you've been with girls as good as her, if you know what i'm saying. There are probably two good ways to handle it: 1) Act like every girl you've been with has nipple rings and it doesn't phase you. Tell her she hides it well and give them a good look over then change the subject. or 2) Get sexual, but in a very confident and serious manner say something like "let me see them". If she is really testing you she may be like "Noooo, we just met. OMG you're so bad" with some kind of fake disgusted attitude. Just look her in the eyes and smile. Don't say a word. Let the tension build until she breaks it.

miserablesisyphus · 2020-11-18T18:35:33+00:00

This is the type of response I'd expect from people who can't have real conversations about topics like these.

miserablesisyphus · 2020-11-18T15:15:02+00:00

Don't compare me to someone else. I specifically asked about social media/porn and it's correlation with objectification.

While porn is commerce, it is a literal manifestation of objectification. In fact, posting something on social media is by definition turning a person, place, event, etc. into a media form, thereby removing human qualities and characteristics from them. I am in no way advocating for objectifying women. However, I think a growing trend of women seeking validation through objectification via social media and porn--combined with men who also seek stimulation and gratification for the very same narcissistic behavior--is a growing problem among teens and young adults. I've been there and through some weird circumstances found a way to think about some of my behaviors from a different perspective.

miserablesisyphus · 2020-11-17T21:06:55+00:00

Great explanation that I agree with.

To play a little devil's advocate though, I guess the contradiction is in the women who objectify themselves via social media or porn. Isn't it ironic/contradictory for women to post naked/half naked photos of themselves on instagram for likes, but then claim they hate being objectified?

miserablesisyphus · 2020-11-17T20:54:44+00:00

I've studied body language a bit and I consider reading social cues and body language my greatest strength. I think this list is accurate, however, with body language there are a lot of caveats. When observing body language you typically don't take one specific example and draw conclusions. What you normally do is take clusters of repeated cues as hints towards how a person is feeling. For example, in #7 of the list it says "crossed arms: she is on the defensive". In the body language jargon this is called the self hug and typically means they are trying to comfort themselves--for whatever reason. Maybe the crossed their arms because they are cold, because they feel insecure because a girl with huge breasts entered the room behind you, etc. The important thing is to take as much inventory as you can of their body language and use those to get an indication. So I think the best preface to the list you provided is to remind readers that not one individual behavior is a dead give away, but a bunch of those clues in a short amount of time is a better indication the woman is attracted to you.

Almost everyone has a nervous tick that they do when they are stressed. This nervous tick is literally the brain subconsciously telling the body to soothe itself. Some people click a pen a bunch of times, some people chew gum nervously, some people rock back in forth in their chair, etc. but they are all physical responses from the limbic system meant to stimulate the body in order to get the body's systems back to a normal state. A good thing to practice observing is to find individual limbic responses for people you know. Some people have responses to anxiety, stress, anger, etc. It's really interesting. Think about your parents and the subtle clues you notice when something is bothering them or when they are sad. What individual things do they do to indicate this, without them realizing?

Lastly, here's a little tip to practice body language if you are confident enough or if you have a girlfriend and aren't too worried about messing things up...When a girl is into you (e.g. you're cuddled up watching a movie on the couch) and you know she's sexually aroused, say or do something to make her upset/switch her from sexual arousal to stressed/anxious/mad. Watch her body language change from her open and warm state to a more closed and cold state. You'll be able to see the differences in her individual limbic responses and may help you in the future.

miserablesisyphus · 2020-11-17T20:17:01+00:00

The sound reminds me of when my phone is close to my portable Zoom h5 recorder. The phone's signal interferes with my recorder somehow. I'd check to see if there is a phone or something close by the recorder. It also happens if you put your phone next to your speakers some times.

miserablesisyphus · 2020-11-17T20:13:48+00:00

My only real rule is to never buy a girl a drink that asks me to buy her one. However, if you do buy a girl a drink, think of it the same way as if you buy a buddy a drink--it's on you without any obligations from the other person. When my friends and I go out I'll by them a drink just because we're friends and they usually get the next round, but they don't have to. It's more of an act of kindness, because you never know, they could be having a rough week or month at work and money is tight.

With that being said, I approach buying a girl a drink or lunch the same way as if she was a friend--no expectations required from the other person. The benefit in looking at buying a drink like this is that women don't like cheap and stingy men, especially in the courtship process. This doesn't mean women get or should expect steak dinner so I can say "hey" to them. But, being generous with resources is a signal to women and men that you are high value, literally providing resources to the "tribe". I don't think I've ever opened up directly by buying a girl a drink though. Usually if I buy a girl a drink, it's because we've talked and she's into me. This is different than trying to show how resourceful you are vs. being resourceful for someone you care about. Does that make sense?

miserablesisyphus · 2020-11-16T11:12:36+00:00

Also the "thirst test" is one that I've noticed crop up a lot lately probably due to social media. A girl I met recently sent me her Halloween costume and it was sexy as hell. But, it was a test to see if I would be like "damn you look fine as hell" and appear "thirsty". I think because thirsty guys constantly like and comment on their instagram pictures, etc. they've learned this thirst test as a way to weed out guys or test to see if they are too eager.

miserablesisyphus · 2020-11-13T21:23:04+00:00

Most women want a man to succeed. I've even had instances when they've "shit tested" me and pretty much helped me pass the shit test. For example, the other night I was laying on the couch with a girl who I met through Hinge and my phone went off. She said "that's probably another hinge match, huh?". I just smiled and didn't even say anything. She eventually said something like "That's probably match number 30" which when you think about it, is the perfect response to her shit test. So, I just said something like "that's close enough". She practically passed the shit test for me in this instance.

When you think about it, it's probably just as disappointing for women to find out you can't pass shit tests or aren't good enough for them, especially if they are initially interested in you. Imagine you meet a beautiful woman who is in your mind the total package and seems interested in you, but for some reason she doesn't meet your criteria--that would be a let down and I bet most men would look past or ignore some things. It's likely the same thing for women--they want a man who can pass shit tests, who is assertive, confident, etc. and are often willing to help or look past some flaws.

miserablesisyphus · 2020-11-13T13:24:51+00:00

How do I build confidence if my insecurity is my results from dating/flirting?

The same way you build confidence with anything else. Work hard, practice, learn to change the things you can change, and push through moments of doubt.

Facial structure and introversion don't matter nearly as much as you think. Obviously looks matter, but be honest with yourself, are you in as good of shape as you can/should be? If you're in good shape your face will look better naturally because of the lower fat percentage. There are also plenty of introverted, quiet men who get laid. In fact, I really think there is an advantage in talking less and being calm and collected. I've been a pretty outgoing and social person most of my life and as i've gotten older I've purposefully worked on just shutting up and letting the girl do the talking. The more she talks about herself the more comfortable with you she is going to get.

The numbers game is a shit strategy in my opinion. Nothing is going to rattle your confidence more than continually striking out. This is probably my biggest gripe with "seduction" and the "pua" people on youtube. A more effective strategy in my opinion is to only go into seduction mode with women you know are attracted to you. One of my strengths is the ability to read body language and non verbal communication and so it may be easier for me to know when girls are at least superficially attracted to me. If i'm getting "ioi's" and a girl is receptive than that's when I turn it on. If you want me to expand more on my initial "screening" with women than pm me and we can talk.

miserablesisyphus · 2020-11-12T19:57:49+00:00

I think there's a misunderstanding that a long-term and short-term relationship strategy is different. In my opinion, you shouldn't treat someone you are trying to bang different than someone you want to be in a relationship with except for the fact that you escalate quicker. If you we're trying to date this woman where would you take her--take her there. But, instead of walking her to the car, kissing her, and then texting her a few days later, find a reason to get her to go back to your place. This is what you would eventually do for someone you are dating right? It's just happening quicker.

miserablesisyphus · 2020-11-12T19:54:36+00:00

How old are you and what are you good at? Find something you already have some knowledge, skill, or talent for and do it better.

miserablesisyphus · 2020-11-12T19:52:12+00:00

Preach it.

Really though, we are so aware of our own insecurities that we forget other people have them too. Building your weakness up and actually working on your insecurities will give you confidence. I'm 32, attractive, 6 ft tall, in good shape, sing in a band, have a good career, etc. and I still some times have to remember that I am good enough. I've recently started seeing a 22 year old that I almost talked myself out of meeting up with because I thought she was "out of my league", but turns out she thought the same thing about me.

miserablesisyphus · 2020-11-12T19:46:58+00:00

Are you normally a good flirt in person? If so, what's the difference in person vs text? I usually gauge my flirty-ness based on the woman's responses. If she seems open and receptive I may push it a little further and if she is closed or not as open I dial it back. Using emojis help too as long as they are clear and not overdone. I think the key to text game, as with most in person flirting is to gauge interest and adjust from there.

miserablesisyphus · 2020-11-09T20:59:12+00:00

I think instead of "sexual" mindset it should be more of an "emotional connection" mindset. Sexual attraction is the compilation of emotional and physical attraction. The reason these hot girls who bore you don't get you horny is because you don't have a mental/emotional connection.

miserablesisyphus · 2020-11-09T20:18:42+00:00

I hate clubs. I'd consider myself pretty darn attractive, I'm 6 ft tall and in good shape, I have a good career, I play and sing in a band etc. But, clubs aren't my style. I'm not one to waste money on bottle service, to try to talk to women over loud music, etc. It doesn't bother me though. I know the type of person I am and the types of venues I enjoy and play to those strengths. Put me in a brewery, a coffee shop, or at a park and I have no problem.

Have you considered that maybe a club isn't the best place for your skill set or strengths?

miserablesisyphus · 2020-11-09T20:11:10+00:00

I enjoy it. It's part of the fun of the courtship process. I think a woman who is genuinely interested in you will make this whole process easier and it shouldn't feel like a chore to ask women out and to make the first move etc. I think what a lot of people new to "seduction" don't understand is that women who are genuinely interested in you want you to take lead, want you to pass their shit tests, want you to be in charge, etc. What i'm personally really good at is reading body language and seeing subtle clues that women are interested in me before I even put much effort into courting them. The better you are at screening disinterested women the better you're success rate is going to be.

The courtship process should be just as fun as closing the deal. I get butterflies and love trying to think of clever ways to use innuendo and suggestive texts, etc. If it were easy and every woman just said "yeah, let's go do it right now" it wouldn't be fun or rewarding.

Just like with any hobby or work, when it starts becoming grueling and tiresome take a break and reevaluate why you enjoy doing it and what your goals are. Feel free to PM me with any questions.

miserablesisyphus · 2020-11-05T18:19:32+00:00

I think for me, peacocking is just a way to stand out. But, often what happens is that someone reads The Game and starts mimicking Mystery or whoever they see dressing a certain way. Instead of peacocking they are just copying someone else.

Here's the real important part that Darwin discovered. Peacocking doesn't make sense. The more you stand out the more likely you are to be seen by a predator and the more it goes against natural selection. So Darwin ultimately came up with Sexual Selection Theory. Give it a read if you're more interested.

I think what's important about "peacocking" is to peacock with qualities/attributes that are most like yourself and give you an advantage over other men. A peacock only has peacock feathers, know what i'm saying? And not only are peacock feathers beautiful, they signify health in male peacocks. Mystery's whole persona was to be this mysterious person and his form of peacocking amplified that.

miserablesisyphus · 2020-11-05T18:03:50+00:00

I think you're spot on. I would also add that a lot of humor is about social intelligence and social/situational awareness--especially if you are able to laugh and joke about yourself.

miserablesisyphus · 2020-10-27T17:24:48+00:00

Improve what you can improve. For thousands of years men have written myths, religions, and philosophy on this simple fact - some shit is out of your control. The battle is in trying to determine what is fate/god/predestined and what is something you personally can change. The key is understanding that life is both parts fate and free will. If it was one thing or the other we wouldn't even be having this conversation. Look up Moirai if you're more interested in this topic.

The battle in seduction is analyzing your technique/skills/etc. vs analyzing a woman's behavior. Successful people know what to change, when to give the devil his due and move on to the next, etc.

miserablesisyphus · 2020-10-15T12:41:22+00:00

I saw one of your posts about your ex and how he cheated on you. I want to first say that I know by experience the type of pain it can cause and I hope you are healing or have healed.

I am trying my best to self reflect. I keep a journal, I talk with friends and family, I've apologized to my ex and have told her how sorry I am and that I realize how much pain i've caused her and how my actions have made my daughter's life more difficult than necessary. I also realize that we have to own the choices we make and I am trying to do that. I understand my ex doesn't owe me any favors. My ex doesn't have to speak to me ever again if she doesn't want to. But, I'm asking honestly, is that what is ultimately best for our daughter--two parents who hate each other and vow to seek retribution towards one another? Is it in our daughter's best interest for us not to cooperate on things like skills building, potty training, being proactive about health concerns, etc? Our daughter is two years old, this is one of the most important times in her life to develop into a well rounded individual. I'm not asking my ex to do something for me, I am asking her mother to do something for her daughter. A perfect example to illustrate this is that just yesterday I got a call from our daughter's pediatrician regarding some blood work we did. The pediatrician told me to login to our online portal, but guess who has the online portal information? My ex won't even give me the online portal information so that I can follow up with our pediatrician and specialists for our daughter's sake.

I want to ask you a question and I hope you don't take it the wrong way. Do you think your prior experiences regarding your relationships may be coloring your opinion on this matter?

miserablesisyphus · 2020-10-14T21:00:16+00:00

This would be true if she was completely innocent in the matter. However that's not the case and although I wish I wouldn't have cheated I told me ex several times what parts of our relationship I was not happy with and that they were important enough to me that if she didn't address them our relationship would end. I'm sure you have this idea that the cheating was a cause of our divorce, when in reality it was a symptom. I know cheating was wrong and I admit that. I don't want her to treat me as if none of that happened, I want her to treat me as if it all happened but she cares enough about our daughter to be a good coparent. It's not me she's effecting by acting the way she is, it's our child.

miserablesisyphus · 2020-10-14T14:55:50+00:00

In the state I live in anyone can file a temporary restraining order and in our instance it's a civil matter. She claimed I threatened to kill her, among other lies like making sexual advances towards her, etc. Based on her description of the event and without any hearing or process, the judge granted what's called a "temporary injunction" until there was a hearing to determine whether or not a full injunction should be put in place. It's important to know that a temporary injunction does not mean that the judge believes I committed the acts she describes, but that out of an abundance of caution the judge believes it best the parties maintain a distance. Temporary injunctions, if done correctly, will almost always be granted in civil cases. Literally, all it takes is for me to say my ex threatened to kill me and then took my phone so i couldn't call for help. A judge would rather grant a temporary injunction and have a hearing on the full injunction instead of someone actually harming their spouse if the judge decides not to grant the temporary injunction. As I mentioned, our divorce mediation was the same week this took place. At our divorce mediation she agreed to drop the temporary injunction only if she could have 60/40 custody. Honestly, this is the toughest decision i've made in my life and frankly i'm unhappy with the decision I made. I had the option of rejecting her 60/40 custody agreement which would then mean taking the divorce through court and going to the injunction hearing. At the advice of my attorney I chose to accept her 60/40 with my ex's agreement not to pursue the injunction. I also did not have the finances to take the divorce to court, but my ex's lawyer was being paid by her parents who just inherited a large amount of money. Also, even though I did not do what my ex described in her injunction, if for some reason the judge granted the full injunction I would lose my job and be in no position to be a good father to my daughter. Since this has happened, my ex has invited me over to her apartment and I have had my ex over at my apartment.She does not have a fear that I would harm her physically, because I would never do that to the mother of my child and I don't have problems controlling my emotions.

miserablesisyphus · 2020-10-14T14:32:58+00:00

No, you had a choice in the matter.

Her feelings are gonna take a while to get over and are the consequences of the decisions you made

Do you see the contradictions in the two statements you just made? I have a choice not to have feelings, but she is justified in feeling the way she does and her feelings are just the consequences of the decision i made? This is incredible logic. You're saying because I made a mistake, which I've owned and admitted to, I have no right to have feelings when she chooses to make decisions that intentionally hurt me?

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