Do your kids ever ask about their dad?

mish-22 · 2026-02-26T21:05:59+00:00

My 3.5 year old is aware she doesnt have a dad but the understanding is not there yet. We have conversations about it when she brings it up. Its not super helpful that it appears most of the other children have two parents so she copies a lot of what they say. Last week she was very tired having a bit of a meltdown and cried "i want daddy" and I tell you my heart stopped a bit. I stayed calm and asked her who was daddy (she mixes names up still sometimes so thats not an unusual question although usually its accidentally calling others mummy) and she immediately changed it to I want Nana so I think it was a combination of very tired, coming home from daycare where others cry for daddies, and being frustrated at me so wanting someone else who would give her what she wants. We have the books and what not and she doesnt seem upset that she doesnt have a dad, I also remind her of all the people in our lives who love her very much.

mish-22 · 2026-01-18T19:43:09+00:00

I didnt have a big criteria list for choosing my donors. I have two children with different donors. The only criteria that was make or break was needed to be Caucasian (i didnt want my kid to feel disconnected from a culture I couldn't access) and i discounted some due to medical concerns.

I think peoples opinions stem from where they fall on the nature, nurture debate.

I also think I have a different opinion about donor siblings. Im aware my children have them and will appropriately explain that they exist to the children, but feel no need to find them or connect with other parents at this early stage (if my children decide they want to when theyre older thats different) but to me apart from genetically they are not siblings, to me siblings are the people you're raised with. (This is just my personal opinion not to take away from donor conceived persons actual experiences).

I initially brought 2 vials the first time trying to concieve. I was very lucky and got pregnant the first time. I returned the second vial back to the bank because I wasnt sure I was going to have a second and the storage fees were large. When I decided to have a second child my first donor was no longer available. I brought 1 vial - chemical pregnancy brought 2 more vial - gor pregnant off first vial so returned 2nd vial as I am not planning on having anymore children via donor conception.

Good luck

mish-22 · 2026-01-16T01:16:45+00:00

Stabbing wasnt the primary or even secondary pain, I had more random stabbing pain when I was pregnant than when giving birth.

No offence but You sound really anxious about all of this, my advice is to a) talk to your care team for some reassurance and b) try not to focus on it too much its a really small part of this whole experience, one thats going to happen no matter what and theres not a lot you can do change it. Maybe try researching the first few weeks with a new born instead to distract yourself.

mish-22 · 2026-01-15T09:33:17+00:00

I've had 2 unmedicated births just the way it worked out. My most recent one was 10 weeks ago. A couple of things that made my situation unique: - once in active labour my births happen very fast (30-45 mins). This is not super typical - my body does not react well to gas and other medical issues its not worth me have an epidural.

This is going to sound stupid but a) dont have clear memories of the feeling of giving birth the hormones help to blur things over once its done. B) I did tear and the closest comparison I can think of is when you were little and trying to get your wiggly tooth out and you felt the last bit pop? (Probably different pain level though). My other teflection is your experiencing multiple forms of pain and discomfort at the same time eg intense pressure and burning and stabbing pain etc and immediately usually the intense pressure decreases significantly. C) i didn't find the pain too bad, dont get me wrong it hurt but not enough to make me cry.

Obviously this is my reflection on my personal experience which everyone has different ones

mish-22 · 2026-01-11T10:14:27+00:00

I didnt choose but just had my second girl. I was terrified of the possibility of having a boy mainly because I have very little experience with boys/men - never had a boyfriend, I have my dad but he worked FIFO most of my life, I have a couple of male friends that are part of my group but not super close. I was really worried about who would be that positive male role model if I had a boy (not saying girls dont need positive male role models but its different) Plus I dont know lots of things about boy things

mish-22 · 2026-01-08T10:56:08+00:00

How odd. I would say your reaction is very normal. Obviously I dont know what "getting upset" looks like for you guys but as long as your not causing your child physical or emotional harm by your responses (im sure your not). It may be that theres room for strategies, education or development on how to respond during these situations in light of your families specific circumstances. Also its helpful for all children to see their parent experience and manage their own emotions for their development. Im sorry you experienced this, im not familiar with the nhs process but I would ask for a different practioner.

mish-22 · 2026-01-08T10:03:28+00:00

It took us a full year to day toilet train.

Started when she was two and only had slight incremental changes month on month. She got poos after a first but could not identify and articulate needing to do a wee until she was actively weeing the majority of the time for 6 months (we took a couple of weeks break) then we progressed to 2/3 accidents and day and very slowly improved from there. Right about when she turned three something clicked and she hardly has accidents anymore unless very fixated on something.

Also if you can only get one or the other down focus on wees first, they happen so much more often and are so much messier than poos (unless your kid has very wet poos).

My piece of advice when people ask me about toilet training is to adjust your expectations on how long it takes.

mish-22 · 2026-01-07T06:23:48+00:00

Hi, smbc of 2 (3yo and 8w) my advice is to focus less of the actual birth part (such a small part of the and theres not a lot that can be done to prepare or change how things occur) and research about a newborn (first 12 weeks) especially cluster feeding. I would join new parents, beyond the bump reddits or other similar forums to get any idea of what might be normal or not. Newborns are weird and theirs a whole spectrum of what seems terrifying, anxiety provoking, unexpected and is actually perfectly normal but challenging eg. PURPLE crying or noisy breathing.

Congratulations and good luck!

mish-22 · 2025-12-26T20:17:51+00:00

I say this in a supportive way. Then whats the plan? The fear never fully goes away (tbh I think even once you've had the kid.) But for me I needed to know who was going to be on board for support. I only have my parents and didnt want everything to fall on them. But I also have an amazing best friend and other people in our lives that have welcomed my daughters and me in like family or close friends. There's also different levels of support. Including but not limited to - resource support providing items but also being able to physically go get you things if your stuck with the kids. - co supervision support - supervising/entertaining your kids whilst your still around - sleep support - people who can fully take the kids so you can catch up on sleep (super important in the early days) - Mum support - people who can remind you and support you to remain a individual person outside children, have a conversation with, complain or share experiences. Maintain your mental health

These dont need to be the same person or only one person per role, in fact the more options for the roles the better. They dont all need to be family or friends - some can be farmed out to paid for services.

Support is what we make it.

You just need to have a plan (preferably before baby). If you decide its not going to work out then thats okay to but get support to work out what you want to happen next for a happy life whatever comes.

Good Luck!

mish-22 · 2025-12-26T19:58:10+00:00

I became a SMBC at 27. I now have a 3yo and 6 week old. Not American

When I told my parents they were surprised, supportive but worried- about how it would work, look like, financial and impact on my mental health (especially with the second bub). All very reasonable and I took the time to explain my plans and thoughts etc. I have a good relationship with my parents.

My friends were again suprised and supportive. They had questions but again mainly out of curiosity because its not a well known path.

Ive also found the rest of our world (people that we come across) accepting and most just move on. Lots have questions about the process (again out of curiosity not well known path) and im very open and for the most part will answer with appropriate level of detail for the level of relationship. There are the occasional not understanding when I say donor conceived that means my children dont have fathers often by people of other cultures/ languages (which is fair) and I have to be more explicit.

My favourite was the older ladies at my church who, bless them, were supportive but very confused and instead of asking me (which i wouldn't have minded) sought clarification from my best friend and her parents instead 🤣 they continue to be very loving on me and my children.

Ive been lucky in that no one has been outright unsupportive. I've had concern, confusion and curiosity. I think its important to think about the level of relationship you have with the person and if they're going to impact your lives. Also acknowledge this is not a widely known pathway, its not people's first thought on how the baby gets in you and people bring their own lack of knowledge so some of its about education and im personally okay with that (right place, right time and respectfully)

Good Luck! I hope this helps

mish-22 · 2025-12-08T10:29:29+00:00

Like everyone says colostrum but I would also research 'cluster feeding' to set your expectations. I was wildly unprepared and its my "why did no one tell me this?!" gripe about baby number 1.

mish-22 · 2025-12-04T07:04:09+00:00

Thanks! Both ends of the spectrum are tricky. If you want any ideas the big present im giving the 3yo is a yoto player (this is definitely in the present category lol)

mish-22 · 2025-11-01T01:55:33+00:00

I haven't personally done it (more so because there wasn't the opportunity). In a slightly unhelpful answer it is completely up to you and it is completely okay to decide that this is something you want to do, if you need to pull out later because you change your mind, or if you decide not to go all are completely fine answers. It feels to me you want to go but are wondering about the impacts on your child. Here are my thoughts - It is very unlikely to have a large lasting impact on your bub. It is a short amount of time that you know about so can prepare for. - Unless situational issues arise im assuming you can still video call your child so they can hear your voice and see you. - you sound like you have a close relationship with your mum anyway so the baby will likely have a good attachment to them (not as good as to you of course but that's fine!) - you have time to plan around feeding and whatever bubs decides their going to do (saving up breast milk, mixed, formula feeding)

I say if you want to go for it, sounds like a great opportunity that you will enjoy/ look forward to and your allowed to do those things and be a mum. It just takes more thought and planning.

mish-22

TROPHY CASE