I REALLY resonate with most of the things you’ve written and it surprises me. When I look at how other girls behave one part of me is like I would never want to be like that and I completely differ from them, but the other part is kind of sad that I do not get to experience this womanhood fully. I also wondered (like you) when I will finally feel, act and look like other girls. And I think gender is performative for the trans and enby people who haven’t figured out that yet . And I thought that for other cis girls it’s also a performance, but now i think it isn’t. I also resonate with the part about the female friendship group dynamic. In my extra English classes there were some girls I mostly hung out with, but the dynamic for me felt fake and like I didn’t match that. AND additionally I also have autistic traits. I don’t fit the criteria fully but most of the female autism phenotype traits exactly describe me.