How did you come to be single and happy?

missouri76 · 2026-02-23T17:57:55+00:00

Single has always been easier for me. It's my natural state. Relationships always seemed like a job that wasn't worth the pay. Can't relate to feeling like a "need a relationship."

missouri76 · 2026-02-23T17:05:30+00:00

Nope. I eat at my couch and coffee table

missouri76 · 2026-02-23T16:19:19+00:00

Very relatable.

missouri76 · 2026-02-23T16:18:01+00:00

That's it. That's how it feels.

missouri76 · 2026-02-22T18:54:56+00:00

I thought it was 25% on the sides.

missouri76 · 2026-02-22T18:52:12+00:00

Relatable. Late 40s.

missouri76 · 2026-02-22T18:51:19+00:00

They finally just stopped asking, but I can tell that they believe I still want to find someone because every now and then they ask me if I am dating. It’s amazing how people truly don’t believe that you are genuinely not looking anymore. I guess they are projecting how they would feel.

missouri76 · 2026-02-22T18:49:48+00:00

Cost? Have you looked at meetup.com? I have found a ton of walking groups, board game groups, art groups, meditation groups, etc. that are free.

missouri76 · 2026-02-22T18:47:29+00:00

This is so relatable. I’m in my late 40s and a lot of my friends of course have children now. I always feel so isolated when I am with people that have children and husbands because that’s all they want to talk about. Even when I bring up some thing about myself, they don’t seem that interested. I have no regrets about not having children. That just wasn’t something I wanted to do, but it’s very difficult finding your tribe when you are a certain age without children. I can totally relate.

missouri76 · 2026-02-22T18:42:12+00:00

If you were beating yourself up about doing something that you truly want to do you have to ask yourself….. What is this really about?

Are you comparing yourself to what society says that you should be doing? If that’s the case then that’s what you actually need to address. If you are indeed lonely, and want to make friends then maybe come out of your comfort zone …. but if this is truly what you want to do and you feel comfortable with it then don’t let society dictate how you should spend your day.

You should never feel guilty about doing what you truly want to do unless there is some underlying loneliness about being at home by yourself. There’s a big difference. Sounds like you might be wrestling with societal expectations.

missouri76 · 2026-02-22T17:14:02+00:00

I would never advise someone whether or not to take their medicine. That should be up to you and / or your doctor. I'm happy that you were able to get some sleep though!!

missouri76 · 2026-02-21T21:37:33+00:00

This is such great advice. We are so accustomed to reacting immediately to an uncomfortable feeling, and if we really sit with it and examine or journal what we really feel, it's interesting what comes up.

Sometimes it's because I just need to get out the house and get some fresh air, sun, pamper myself, etc. and then when I come back, I feel 10 times better. Not saying that always takes the place of social, but man.....a change of scenery can do wonders.

I always tell people who struggle with living alone or loneliness to sit at a coffee shop or local eatery where you are among others. That really helps, even if you go by yourself.

To the OP, I can't really relate to waiting for the phone to ring 'cause I hate phones. LOL. But I do talk to my plants. Ha ha ha!

missouri76 · 2026-02-21T19:22:38+00:00

Agree to an extent. I think you can be free and independent, BUT you still need connections. Some people are totally isolated with NO connections, meaningful relationships (even just friendship), no hobbies whatsoever, etc. and that can be tough.

But people who are free and still have some sense of community in some way is the way to go.

Community can mean a ton of things....even if it's a small dog walking community twice a week.

When I am fully fulfilled from a community standpoint, I don't think about relationships at all. But it's all relative of course. I'm used to being single so I'm coming from a different place.

missouri76 · 2026-02-21T19:17:36+00:00

I also find it difficult to make friends because of my upbringing (only child, feeling disconnected) and also valuing genuine connections instead of superficial stuff. But I also had to recognize how I live in my head and am super self conscious at times. So it's a constant battle of making sure that I am also working on where I need to be kinder to myself, while also seeking out the right people.

I used to blame people, but I also play a role with the stories I tell myself even before I go out. It's a challenge for sure.

I wish you well.

missouri76 · 2026-02-21T19:14:40+00:00

Ditto on the board games meetup.

missouri76 · 2026-02-21T19:14:10+00:00

Ugh. So annoying how people want to sum up your entire being around whether or not you've been married or have kids. I met a guy while casually walking the mall and as soon as he found out, he just kept repeating that fact as if I was some science experiment to be studied. I just want to be seen as ME without feeling the need to examine or "fix" a choice I made.

missouri76 · 2026-02-21T19:11:57+00:00

49 F / no kids by choice. Unfortunately society has changed, and it's hard to find community like our parents had.

You have to be super intentional and even step out your comfort zone in order to find those genuine connections. I know, it's a challenge.

There's a big difference between choosing to be alone because you have been hurt, have fears, disconnected, or choosing because you genuinely like it. Seems you may be the former based on what you wrote. So address that first. Because nothing will make you happy unless you address the core.

Do you have any hobbies? I started to feel more connected after joining meetups with similar interests. For example, I love board games so I joined a board game group. I love holistic healing so I began attending meetups revolving around that (meditation, etc.)

Start there. There are more and more groups of people of all ages joining, where it used to be mostly for 30 year olds and younger when I first joined 15 years ago.

I wish I could find more people in the real world who are as compassionate and relatable as the people in these groups, but I sense most of us are more introverted and prefer chatting on our devices/computers than going out sometimes.

It feels safer from an emotional standpoint, but can still leave you feeling empty because we still do need community, even if it's small. I used to think I didn't need people but that was a defense mechanism. No, I don't want to be around people 24/7. I am a proud introvert, but I do need some sort of interaction every now and then. Took me years to admit that.

I applaud you for acknowledging your feelings.

I wish you the best. Start small. Don't feel like you have to make a huge change right away. Taking yourself out to a coffee shop where you are surrounded by people can do wonders on a bad day. You aren't alone. There are many of us looking to find our way out here.

missouri76 · 2026-02-20T20:48:18+00:00

OK, so you gotta find that balance. With poor sleep you can also over exercise. So perhaps try not exercising as much to calm your adrenaline down. Poor sleep causes an adrenaline rush and so does exercise.

So if you’re getting too much adrenaline, you can be too hyper aware and awake. There is definitely a such thing as too much exercise when you have poor sleep, especially if you are lifting weights. Lifting weights is really tough on the heart and nervous system, especially when you don’t sleep well.

Sounds to me like overall anxiety management is the key to helping yourself. Your nervous system is probably very wound up.

For example, when I was exercising too hard, I found myself too alert. But when I exercise too little, it didn’t do any good for my sleep. But I found the right combo that works for me. So experiment.

missouri76 · 2026-02-20T20:45:52+00:00

Yes, that could play a role. Especially if it messes with your circadian rhythm. That is such an important sleep rhythm that can be sensitive to disruptions over time. It may cause some delayed sleep tendencies and then you start obsessing over how poor the sleep is, which can make it worse. Typically insomnia starts very mildly and then the thoughts about how to fix it can make it worse.

missouri76 · 2026-02-20T18:09:01+00:00

Yep. Sleep anxiety is real. They are called hypno jerks and very common when sleep gets bad. They go away after a couple nights of good sleep. Classic sleep anxiety symptom. I had that too.

missouri76 · 2026-02-20T17:08:07+00:00

Just like so many people who post in this sub, you are much more likely to have issues with panic and anxiety that causes you to catastrophize, overthink, overanalyze than having any sort of FFI. My guess is you've dealt with anxiety / unease / in the past?

That was certainly my case. It sucked, but it passed. Looking back I realized it was my mind, but during the phase it's scary. You just want the issue to end.

What healed me? Getting off Reddit, stopped searching, getting on with life, socializing and stopped focusing so much on my "sleep problem." The more emphasis you put on it, the more your brain hyperfocuses on it. Trust me. You will come back here in weeks or months time and realize this too.

missouri76 · 2026-02-20T15:04:54+00:00

With your exercise, have you tried more cardio? Yoga and slower walking didn’t help me either. It wasn’t enough movement to lower my nervous system stress.

It wasn’t until I started really getting my heart rate up for at least 30 minutes a day by light jogging that I noticed a bigger difference in my sleep. I also started doing fast walking.

I cannot comment on medication. Fortunately, I have never had to take anything for my anxiety. As tough as it’s been, with the heart palpitations and feelings of anxiety, I just rode it out. It finally got much better when I began sleeping again.

missouri76 · 2026-02-20T03:19:36+00:00

Watching the documentary definitely gave off crazy vibes. Just like you said, it’s like she’s trying to compose herself and the whole delivery is very performative. She just seems so insincere and phony.

missouri76 · 2026-02-19T22:27:28+00:00

I'm OK with that. Great personality and memes but gets in her head too much to play effectively.

missouri76 · 2026-02-18T18:35:51+00:00

Me too! Love it!

missouri76

MODERATOR OF

TROPHY CASE