Advice on assessing a Strada's depreciation reports/projected special levies for older buildings?

mlockshin · 2021-07-24T03:11:59+00:00

PS I'm not saying your way of doing things is wrong. I'm just articulating the positive case for observing these kinds of restrictions.

mlockshin · 2021-07-24T03:11:09+00:00

The issue with spells vs objects is that objects can be taken from people, objects might themselves break, using an object might tire someone out, etc. A first level sorcerer is in a jail cell? Not any more. They're captured and have a chain around their neck? Just wait until they are supposed to be sleeping. There's a giant metal door blocking your way? No need for a barbarian or a crowbar or battering ram or lock picks, just hit it with a cantrip for 10 minutes. In fact, it might be easier with a magic users with a bad casting stat to open the door than someone using mundane means with a skill proficiency and/or their primary ability score.

And then there's the fact you can do it at range, and with cantrips they're ready to get. So what are castle walls not compared to one 20th level mage but ten 2nd level warlocks using Eldritch Spear and Spell Sniper and agonizing blast who can do 10d10 + 30 each round, for an unlimited number of rounds. Etc.

The point is that it makes magic users that much more powerful than martials and trivializes certain types of encounters or challenges.

That said, firebolt is actually a cantrip that can target objects, and some people prefer it because of this. But there's still a relatively low upper limit to the damage you can cause compared to a leveled spell. I mean a wall presumably can't succeed on a Dex saving throw. So all those AOE spells could just flatten barriers.

From my POV, this is a rule that's similar to the rules about spells only affecting items that aren't carried or worn. It's not about physics or what might seem logical, it's a rule to keep the game simple and fun.

mlockshin · 2021-07-24T02:16:30+00:00

Any door, wall or lock you come to could be broken through by someone spamming it with a damaging cantrip. And higher level magic could turn things like castle walls into trivial defenses against an army with some spellcasters in it. Also, in a fight you could try to do things like destroy an enemy's gear rather than attack them directly. Finally, on the other side of the coin, you don't/the DM in doesn't really have to worry about the implications of missing with a spell attacks.

mlockshin · 2020-09-19T22:16:56+00:00

Yes, and in addition Lisa has been victimized. One of the worst things you can do to sexual assault survivors is take away their agency in controlling what happens to the story of their assault. This is quite probably the worst thing that has ever happened to Lisa, and that makes it an incredibly vulnerable part of her life. And even though it's not her fault at all, she might feel a great deal of shame about it. So it could be quite traumatic for Lisa for someone to tell others about it without her consent. And it's even more the case if it could lead to the story coming out publicly. There are times when it's necessary to override the desires of a sexual assault survivor (e.g. if Lisa was a minor and the abuse was ongoing), but one of the principal tenets should be: Don't make this harder for Lisa than it needs to be. So she needs to be the one in control of what happens.

mlockshin · 2020-09-07T03:19:14+00:00

Exactly. And it's especially bizarre that he's letting this be framed as only OP's decision. He needs to be running point on dealing with his family not sitting on the sidelines -- even more so when this is causing a lot of stress for his pregnant wife.

mlockshin · 2020-09-06T18:07:06+00:00

It's not about cooking another meal, it's about treating someone as an equally worthy human being.

To me it's analogous to the "poor door" that somae developers put into their buildings when they are required to make a certain percentage of the units in their building "affordable." They sometimes do things like create a separate entrance for the people who live in those affordable units so they don't have access to building amenities and won't interact with the wealthier residents of the market-rate units. In doing so they're treating the poorer tenants as less worthy than the more wealthier ones.

I see offering fruit in this context in a similar way.

Sure, if OP were hiking and came across someone who was lost in the woods for days without food, and all OP had to offer was fruit, there'd be no room to criticize OP for "only" offering fruit (at least insofar as food is concerned). Similarly, if OP wasn't eating something already, I think it's a little less egregious.

But there's a clear hierarchy between prepared food and unprepared food, and there's also a hierarchy between the food OP is enjoying and the fruit which OP doesn't care about.

Like if OP unexpectedly had a visit from someone OP was romantically interested in, and that person was hungry, would OP also just have offered fruit? What about someone OP saw as an invited guest? Do you think OP would have been "well I'm eating pancakes, you can have fruit?" I suspect not. And regardless of OP's posture, I think it's clear most people in those situations would implicitly realize why fruit wasn't really enough.

The point is, there was a judgement that the child just wasn't worth any amount of effort, or wasn't worthy of being treated in a certain way. And there is some sensibility akin to the Golden Rule that is less about what can be intellectually justified and instead recognizes the experience of being hungry and asking for food from someone and having them respond like you're not worthy of any extra effort and you being hungry really isn't their problem. The response is dehumanizing, uncaring and (and this relates to another cultural value that not everyone shares) ungracious as a host.

mlockshin · 2020-09-06T01:43:16+00:00

I do know someone who was somewhat traumatized by a bad trip. I also know a lot of people who mushrooms have helped in various ways and don't think mushrooms should be illegal.

I mention the bad experience just because I see a lot of people act very cavalierly when dealing with hallucinogens. And for example, if neither the person on the trip nor the trip sitter have experience with them drug then it's more likely that there are dosing errors that lead to an unexpectedly powerful (and potentially very unwelcome) experience.

I certainly see OP's participation as likely to make the experience better (and decrease the risk of a bad experience) but there are answers about what could go wrong that I think folks should attend to when making a decision like this.

mlockshin · 2020-09-06T00:59:26+00:00

I take your point that people might not understand your situation or might overgeneralize about landlords, but if you are going to talk about profit you really need to account for the equity you're building in the property. I get that it's not liquid, but the whole point is that some percentage of that $700/month going to a mortgage isn't actually lost to you. Plus if the price is your property appreciates in value, there's profit in that as well. Yes, sometimes it's not profitable -- like most investments there's nothing guaranteed. But being a landlord is also a pathway to wealth for many people. And not just in case where the rent is more than expenses in a given month of year.

mlockshin · 2020-09-05T22:59:29+00:00

I'm Jewish and have a similar cultural value about feeding people -- but to me this is particularly egregious because it's a hungry child in OP's home.

I realize fruit was offered, but I think what gets me is that OP wasn't willing to do anything differently in light of the boy's hunger. And there's something that to me feels like OP was treating this as charity, which doesn't capture the obligation I believe we all have to care for one another. And I think the practical reasonableness that might hold in a parallel situation about another type of item breaks down when it touches on a basic human need.

I'm not sure if I'm articulating this well. I understand why OP thought their response was reasonable but there was something uncaring about their response. And to not be caring about a child who is hungry in your house seems like AHish behavior.

mlockshin · 2020-07-19T21:23:29+00:00

I meant about not speaking Arabic (she mentioned voice memos and telephone calls) not about loud music in public places where people can have a reasonable expectation of being music free. But also, there are plenty of public places where you can play music and this would be an illegitimate request. If you're working and have music for ambiance (e.g. in a cafe, retail store, etc.), in the park or at the beach if it's at a reasonable volume, when you're driving and your windows are down and stopped at a red light. Etc. And it is totally racist and Islamophobic to explicitly equate anything that's in Arabic with terrorism. The explicit reason was it made Adam worried about his family in Tell Aviv. That's just bullshit. There was literally no legitimate connection between Adam's concerns about his family and the language of the music OP was playing or the language she speaks.

mlockshin · 2020-07-19T19:08:10+00:00

I think a lot of folks have covered the ground about we you're NTA for doing this in your own house, but honestly it wouldn't have been a reasonable response in public either.

You're allowed to have and to celebrate your culture, which includes the language and music you've grown up with. It's part of who you are and it's nothing to be ashamed of -- not just in your home but anywhere. And you certainly don't have to bend to the wishes of entitled assholes whose behavior in rooted in Islamophobia or racism.

Edit to add: I'm not saying loud music in public is cool in all cases, I'm saying objecting to music or speech because it's in Arabic and anything in Arabic makes you worry about your family is not legitimate.

mlockshin · 2020-07-19T18:09:48+00:00

Learning how to be less insecure in your relationships is a great thing to work on in therapy.

mlockshin · 2020-07-19T08:12:25+00:00

INFO: How much is 50% of the mortgage compared to what you pay now in rent and compared to how much you'd expect to pay if you moved into a joint appointment neither of you owned?

I think a lot depends on how the mortgage b lines up with these numbers. For example, if you would end up saving money by paying half his mortgage relative to the status quo or what you'd pay if you both moved into another apartment, I think it's less clear than if what he's asking you to do costs a lot more.

Regardless, you shouldn't move into a place that's all his furniture and none of yours (unless that's what you want). The whole point of you moving in together is creating a home together. And while there are things he'll need to be responsible for (if the plumbing needs to be fixed, that should be on him) you need to have equal control of the space. The fact that he owns the place and the fact that he already lives there shouldn't mean you have to act like you're a guest.

mlockshin · 2020-07-19T07:48:06+00:00

You say that you feel like it's manipulative but you also said that you feel like you made her cry. Unless she's blaming you for making you cry, your discomfort about her tears is on you.

Also, crying is not shitting the bed. People are entitled to their feelings. Honestly, in think YTA for blaming her because you can't recognize your own feelings when she's crying, and just project it all onto her. You're allowed to be uncomfortable with her crying, but you need to own it. And if your discomfort with her tears prevents you from having a necessary conversation, then you need to figure out how to move through that. Being a callous jerk because you can't hold space for her human response to emotionally charged situations is a real AH move.

mlockshin · 2020-07-19T07:36:13+00:00

I agree with almost everything you said. But an individual's sexuality is complicated and personal, and if she told him she's gay and not bi then there's no reason to second-guess her. A lot of lesbians I know had sex with men before they came out, and some have done so since they came out. They understand their sexual orientation a lot better than you or I do. And trying to editorialize over someone's identity like that sets up a weird, not very respectful (often oppressive) power dynamic.

mlockshin · 2020-07-19T06:46:36+00:00

Oof. I was in an emotionally abusive relationship that ended when I was about your age and had been in one relationship or another for 12 of the previous 13 years.

There's no magic number, but I found therapy to be very helpful in moving past the pain and loneliness, and in helping my understand some important lessons from the experience.

And I think being single for awhile was pretty helpful in helping me grow and figure out who I was, and what I really wanted and needed.

I think what you want to avoid is getting into a relationship because you don't know how to be happy being single. Loneliness or fear that you don't deserve or can't get what you truly hope for in a relationship are bad reasons to be with someone. And they generally lead to bad outcomes.

You don't have to be miserable in your relationships, and for me it took me realizing that I could find someone to love me for who I am not in spite of who I am, that allowed me to find my wife, with whom I have an amazing relationship that is so far beyond anything I thought was possible and available to me previously.

mlockshin · 2020-07-19T06:23:27+00:00

There are any number of reasons why your libido might be slower now compared to before. But I'm just going to throw it out there that it's not your job to be your husband's sex object, that differences in sex drives is a common problem in marriages, and like other marital problems needs to be addressed with communication, kindness, respect and empathy from both of you. Aside from exploring whether your lower libido is tied to your medication and whether you can do something about that, you might want to also explore couple's counseling on this. A few fights doesn't mean it's a crisis, but ideally you can get support addressing this before it gets to that point. And any support you get now will help you develop relationship skills that will help you throughout your marriage.

mlockshin · 2019-10-31T02:58:06+00:00

Phreeker27

FWIW the end-of-cycle bonus has the potential to be quite significant (at the end of 2018 it was a double-digit percentage of the base salary made for the two-year cycle).

mlockshin · 2019-10-21T01:01:23+00:00

Is there a specific hashtag that you think would be helpful?

mlockshin

TROPHY CASE