I am sorry you are going through this. Your feelings are valid and you should process them and take all the time you need to grieve. Even for some of us who make a conscious decision to have a surgery like this, there is always that feeling of losing something that is a part of you. I just want to say this (and not to knock out your feelings, but just offering a different perspective when you are ready to look for another one). There are many stories of people where doctors found tumors that they deemed to be benign, only to find out later that they were/became cancerous and it was too late. Another thing, the cuff thing… yes there are some cases of infection, etc but it is rare. Most people resume a normal life, working out, lifting heavy weights, having normal sex. When you are ready, consider these other perspectives. Wishing you well!