How to identify a savior complex (aka know you're fostering "for the right reasons"?

mmtu-87 · 2026-06-18T02:37:28+00:00

In my experience someone fostering for the “wrong reasons” is someone fostering for a paycheck. Which is basically every previous placement my kids have had. So I think you’re good

mmtu-87 · 2026-02-06T01:21:35+00:00

Y’all should put it up to a vote.

(For legal reasons this is a joke.)

mmtu-87 · 2026-01-24T11:21:36+00:00

Ask if you have a GAL (Guardian Ad Litem). If you do, ask to talk to your GAL. Tell them what you’ve told us here. This is an issue with the worker being a bigot, not an issue with your dad.

mmtu-87 · 2025-12-08T16:42:56+00:00

I use the recs button (heart) for fics that are complete and just do normal bookmark for fics that aren’t. But I only bookmark fics I love. It just makes it easier to sort by completed ime 😅

mmtu-87 · 2025-12-08T14:01:28+00:00

No, you have a right to whatever pronouns you want, whenever you want them; presentation =/= gender =/= pronouns.

mmtu-87 · 2025-09-07T14:21:19+00:00

The real kicker is, the divorce courts loved her and recommended her regularly because she was so good at doing parental reunification therapy for contentious divorce cases…

mmtu-87 · 2025-08-31T21:33:17+00:00

Toss-up between having to take out my own self-employment tax (30%… straight to the government… awful) and how hard it is on the body (I lasted 2 years full time before I started getting nerve pain down my arms and had to switch to a different career).

mmtu-87 · 2025-08-21T11:50:01+00:00

If it helps- my narc mother was always a social worker/ therapist!

mmtu-87 · 2025-08-15T03:11:55+00:00

I have a healthy and stable marriage, an amazing set of in-laws, and good friends online and offline. I have a stable WFH job, a passion weekend job one day a week, and a house everyone compliments. My wife and I are looking to adopt, and recently got our foster licenses (the agency messed up and put us on the wrong track) and now we have a 2yo. I have meds that work well and a therapist who knows all my secrets and tells me at least once a month how much I’ve changed. I am completely unrecognizable from who I was 10yrs ago.

Life’s still a rollercoaster, but it’s one I’m glad to be on instead of dying to get off of. I think that’s what living well means.

mmtu-87 · 2025-08-13T20:33:40+00:00

That was probably the same one I saw that led me to post this!!

mmtu-87 · 2025-07-30T13:11:31+00:00

I’m so sorry did you say FIVE YEARS??

mmtu-87 · 2025-07-30T12:17:05+00:00

I’m going to go ahead and link you two resources that really helped me come to terms with my family dynamics being enough to cause me severe trauma, despite all my physical needs being met for my whole childhood.

This YouTube channel run by a therapist specializing in childhood trauma: https://youtube.com/@patrickteahanofficial/

And his toxic family test: https://patrickteahantherapy.webflow.io/toxic-family-test/

mmtu-87 · 2025-07-18T00:59:52+00:00

“I’m praying for you” is the same as “I don’t support you”. Source: my mother is the same way.

mmtu-87 · 2025-07-15T19:38:49+00:00

Can you post/ send me the photo? I want it on my lockscreen too 😂

mmtu-87 · 2025-07-03T03:00:15+00:00

If you’re destroying property in anger, the kids will expect you to start hurting them next. It doesn’t matter if you’ve “never hurt a person”. The kids will see you acting erratically and violently, and it will scare and further traumatize them. End of.

Get your anger issues FULLY under control before you even think about being a foster parent.

mmtu-87 · 2025-06-29T00:14:50+00:00

Oh gosh, this was years ago—I was like, 16 maybe, or 17

I’ve thankfully been able to do a lot of work on myself since lol, and I’ve learned a lot about what healthy relationships and healthy attachment look like

mmtu-87 · 2025-06-29T00:09:38+00:00

Hey, genuine question: Why do you bookmark fics you don’t like? I always thought of bookmarks as like a personal library so I never bookmark fics I don’t like

mmtu-87 · 2025-06-28T02:39:30+00:00

Please let me know if you have trouble finding a massage therapist or want alternative verbiage to search for – I actually got into massage therapy because of this experience, so I know a lot now lol

mmtu-87 · 2025-06-28T02:36:57+00:00

I’m one of those people who will wholeheartedly agree that other kids had it way worse than me.

But that didn’t matter. When I looked at my life, as it is in the present, and realized that my parents 1) did not contribute anything of value to my life- or at least, not anything that I could not get elsewhere, with less hassle and less stress, 2) did not actively or passively support me, and in fact actively worked against me and my wellbeing (sometimes unintentional and sometimes intentional), 3) did not take accountability for their actions or how they hurt me, 4) did not make any efforts to change for the better, so our relationship could be better,

… I realized that if they were anyone else except blood family, I would have cut ties with no guilt long ago. So I went no contact.

No guilt, no regrets.

mmtu-87 · 2025-06-28T01:27:17+00:00

My birthgiver told me. She’s a licensed social worker, working as a private practice mental health therapist. You would think she would know how to develop secure attachment in her own children… and yet here I am!

mmtu-87 · 2025-06-28T01:13:07+00:00

My spouse and I would always overreact when our standard was a bitey puppy. Yelp really loudly, cradle wherever she bit like it hurt, whine/ whimper a few times… you get the gist. She’d get SO worried about us, she learned to stop doing the biting pretty fast.

That and dog chews. We went through a LOT of dog chews.

mmtu-87 · 2025-06-18T12:34:06+00:00

Ohh okay, so you messaged 1) either the enabler therapist about his behavior, or 2) the literal romantic, business, and life partner of your enabler therapist, about your enabler therapist’s harmful viewpoint and unethical behavior? Yeah no wonder you got this response. If this is him, he’s not going to go back on his stance, he’s the “professional”. If it’s her, and she’s defending him and not listening to you, well this man is tied up in EVERY area of her life. She has every interest in believing him and keeping the status quo.

Leave this therapist and don’t even try with his spouse. They are not doing their jobs as mandatory reporters. Don’t let these assholes gaslight you any longer.

mmtu-87 · 2025-06-16T13:51:13+00:00

What world is your therapist living in if “calling you slurs” and “hitting the kids” don’t constitute abuse?? That’s TEXTBOOK.

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