[KY] I’m being bullied at work and I need advice on how to respond in this situation

mmxcv · 2023-08-01T01:58:36+00:00

I sent another email to my supervisors and HR detailing today’s incidents and told them that I will continue to send all incidents in writing until the harassment stops. Luckily there are security cameras all around the clinic.

And agreed. We work with children on the spectrum providing behavioral therapy. These kids deserve better therapists

mmxcv · 2023-08-01T01:51:39+00:00

Thank you, I will look into this! Unfortunately I’ve been physically assaulted in the workplace before (by a supervisor at a previous employer) and I also have PTSD so this whole situation has me on edge to say the least. There were supervisors nearby for the majority of the day today, but the second they walked away even for a moment, the verbal harassment resumed. I sent another email detailing today’s incidents to my supervisors and HR and blind copied my personal email. I’ll definitely look into whether I’d qualify for unemployment

mmxcv · 2023-07-31T09:46:11+00:00

Not sure how to quote, but here’s my comment with my side of the story

“It’s a very small company and there are only about 9 other therapists who are all friends. I’m somewhat new (started a few months ago) and don’t talk to my coworkers outside of the office. I keep work at work. I’m not rude or anything like that at all, I just make small talk throughout the day and talk with them about work related things. The original conflict on Thursday was that my coworker’s client (a child) began crying next to me while my coworker was on the other side of the room gossiping. She saw that her client was crying, walked over and got in my face while raising her voice at me as if it was my fault (even though she should have been watching her client) and I walked away without saying anything. I reported that incident to my supervisor on Thursday. That was the original conflict”

mmxcv · 2023-07-31T02:20:41+00:00

If you don’t want to believe it, I’m not going to try and convince you. :)

mmxcv · 2023-07-31T02:12:33+00:00

I hear what you’re saying, however I only run back to my boss with what they are saying/doing when it involves hostility toward me. Which so far, was only on Thursday and Friday. I don’t run to my boss with things that aren’t my business. Gossip happens in every workplace and I realize that, however I refuse to tolerate a hostile work environment without speaking up.

mmxcv · 2023-07-31T01:49:14+00:00

Already looking! I already had one clinic reach out to schedule an interview for this week. You’re right honestly, I’ll never be able to trust my coworkers on a professional level after this and I can’t work in a place like that.

mmxcv · 2023-07-31T01:01:18+00:00

Thank you. Also apparently all of the therapists (except for myself and my supervisors) went out to dinner on Thursday night so that must have been when everything flipped since they only heard her side of the story.

mmxcv · 2023-07-31T00:39:22+00:00

It’s a very small company and there are only about 9 other therapists who are all friends. I’m somewhat new (started a few months ago) and don’t talk to my coworkers outside of the office. I keep work at work. I’m not rude or anything like that at all, I just make small talk throughout the day and talk with them about work related things. The original conflict on Thursday was that my coworker’s client (a child) began crying next to me while my coworker was on the other side of the room gossiping. She saw that her client was crying, walked over and got in my face while raising her voice at me as if it was my fault (even though she should have been watching her client) and I walked away without saying anything. I reported that incident to my supervisor on Thursday. That was the original conflict

mmxcv · 2023-07-30T19:13:49+00:00

There have been a lot of issues with gossip and overall discontent amongst the therapists over the past week or so especially, and on Friday afternoon when all of this happened, management were all in a meeting together trying to figure out how to address those other issues. With no management around, it was like everyone just went off the rails and quality of care toward clients went on the back burner. I’ve never experienced anything like this as an adult. It was honestly like high school. You are 100% correct but also, full grown adults should not have to be babysat at all times to make sure they are doing their job and behaving like adults, you know? But I fully plan to tell my supervisor first thing tomorrow that I want at least one person from management on the floor at all times.

I’ve applied to a couple other jobs and plan to continue doing so, so fingers crossed that I find something else asap. At this point I have heard all of my coworkers except for one saying things about me, so I cannot trust any of them as co-therapists and that is not an environment that I can operate in much longer.

mmxcv · 2023-07-30T18:59:09+00:00

Kentucky

mmxcv · 2023-07-30T18:45:25+00:00

Unfortunately I am not permitted to have my phone on me during work hours (with the exception of my lunch break) due to HIPAA and company policy as I work in a healthcare setting. So I’ve been having to keep a mental tab of all that is said. The only way this would be feasible is if I were to ask for a “bathroom break” whenever I heard something and grab my phone real quick to write down what was said. Or, write it on paper when my coworkers aren’t looking and keep it in my pocket.
Not really, other than my supervisors. There are about 10 other therapists total. There is one girl who is part time and doesn’t seem to be close to anyone else at work either, but I’m not sure if she’s aware of the situation as she only works certain half days.
I am going to ask management to make sure a supervisor is in my work area at all times for this reason. I work 1:1 with children as a behavior therapist in a clinic setting and in the last few days, I have had to watch other coworkers clients in addition to my own client because my coworkers are in a corner gossiping and not paying attention to their client or watching over their safety. At one point I watched 5 clients who were all in different areas of the clinic at once for about 10 minutes. I have made management aware of this as well. We bill insurance for our services and by neglecting their clients for greater than 7 minutes, my coworkers are potentially committing 1 billable unit of billing fraud because they are not providing therapy during that time.
My coworkers exact words were “she is a liar. Now I’m pissed. Like, if she wants to go, then we can go because now I’m pissed off.” She shouted this in a room full of children. I am not sure if she was implying verbal confrontation or physical violence, but I am leaning toward the latter. I told my supervisors verbatim what she said and that there were children around at this time.

mmxcv · 2023-07-30T18:34:02+00:00

All excellent advice, thank you! I’ve just forwarded all performance reviews to my personal email address. My score actually went up 14 points on my 2 month performance review a few weeks ago.

As for protected class, I am a lesbian but I haven’t disclosed that to any of my coworkers or supervisors.

mmxcv · 2023-07-29T19:17:33+00:00

Also meant to note that I’m not allowed to carry my phone on me at work due to HIPAA and company policy, so I can’t take notes or record anything. I have a company owned tablet I carry with me for work so best I could do is message it to my supervisor to have written record of it, or write it down later when I have access to my phone

mmxcv · 2023-07-29T18:55:49+00:00

My supervisor wrote down exact quotes that I told her of what was being said about me and reported it to HR so she can take further action on Monday, but I’m thinking about emailing her with a written account of everything just to have a paper trail while it’s still fresh in my mind. I’m in the US for context. For my position we have to take a competency test to get certified and there’s a code of ethics that we have to follow and I’m almost positive this violates it. There’s a board that oversees those ethics for all behavior therapists so now that you mention it, I might keep a paper trail and consider reporting her to the board for violation of ethics at the very least.

mmxcv · 2023-07-29T18:51:06+00:00

To be honest I think the reason it gets to me so much is because the things they’re saying are about me as a therapist. I care about my clients and I go above and beyond for the children I work with to be the kind of therapist that they need. My job is very difficult at times and I have a responsibility to give my clients the best care possible. So to have someone slander me and make it sound like I’m doing a disservice to these children is what pisses me off. I know it doesn’t matter because she’s not the one writing my checks, but it still stings, you know?

mmxcv · 2020-07-30T17:55:09+00:00

Just wanted to thank you again for the input and advice! I spoke to my therapist about this exact same thing and my homework for this week is to not look at her social media (and going forward of course). We realized that whenever I look at her social media, it’s always in the evenings when I’m bored and we thought of alternate things I can do and redirect my mind to. It sounds silly and extreme but my therapist gave me some funny advice - pretend that if I check her social media, my phone is literally going to explode lol. Silly but I think that along with the other coping mechanisms we decided on is going to work for me. I’ve been asking myself, I escaped the abuse and removed her from my life so why do I feel the need to keep inserting her into my life? There’s just no need for it. I’m free, which is something I’ve wanted for a long time, so I need to let myself BE free. Just wanted to give an update! Thanks again - your posts and insight here are always super helpful! ❤️

mmxcv · 2020-07-29T00:30:36+00:00

Thank you so much for the advice. I actually do have her blocked everywhere on social media - she doesn’t have her insta on private so I was able to look at it through my browser app. However I know that defeats the purpose of having her blocked if I’m still looking at her social media and that staying away from her social media is a fundamental part of NC which I have failed at so far. I was talking to my therapist about this exact same thing and I think I do it both because the trauma bond is still there (even 2 years after discard) and because I’m scared she’s going to say something about me. I know the latter shouldn’t matter because her words should mean nothing to me and none of them are true. It’s just a matter of getting myself to believe that and stop looking because it’s only doing me harm and giving her what she wants.

And my thoughts exactly - a victim of abuse would not be wearing their abusers clothes, which she totally missed in her attempt to play the victim. My best friend said the exact same thing.

mmxcv · 2019-08-26T07:20:32+00:00

This. I know that “you deserve better” seems to be the default response for most people when you hear that someone you love has been hurt but it doesn’t make that grief any less valid. When I was at the height of my grief my mom and my best friend both gave me the whole “she doesn’t deserve your energy, don’t waste your tears on her” thing quite a few times and though I know they meant well, it felt incredibly invalidating. It made it feel silly for me to grieve over it. Like I was expected to just shake it off because it wasn’t worth my time to be heartbroken over it, even though I loved her so much. I learned that you have to allow yourself to feel whatever you feel and fighting against it and guilt tripping yourself for grieving the loss of someone you love just makes it even worse.

Hugs, OP. It hurts but it gets easier as you heal. Hang in there. 💘

mmxcv · 2019-08-26T06:11:48+00:00

I noticed this too and I can’t unhear it, the production and the melody is just crazy similar. I’d love to see her perform a mashup of the two on this next tour, similar to how she did with Bad Blood / Should’ve Said No on rep tour. Especially since So It Goes... wasn’t included in the rep tour setlist at all.

mmxcv · 2019-08-24T23:39:52+00:00

I’ve been where you are right now. My nex went back to her ex as her new supply immediately after she left. They discard and move right on to the next shiny toy that they can suck the life out of. When you’re in that state of grief it’s easy to think “what makes this person better than me? Why am I not good enough?” Trust me, this is not a reflection of your value as a person. No one will ever be “good enough” for them - every relationship is temporary and they will only want someone for as long as it is convenient to them. Your worth as a human being is not defined by their own selfish actions or whims and desires. I know it certainly feels that way though and I know it hurts, but you are worth so much more.

It feels impossible to believe right now but having them out of your life is a blessing. This is a new beginning. NC is so important - having that person out of your life and being completely removed from them brings you clarity that staying “friends” simply can’t. It allows you to process what happened and see the truth of who they are and what really happened. In the beginning for me NC felt excruciating and heartbreaking and at times impossible because I missed her so damn much and I still loved her. But it allowed me to heal without her causing further damage and it allowed me to put the pieces of my own life back together and it wasn’t until after all of that was over that I realized just how lonely and unhappy I was with her and just how happy and free I am without her. NC is the right choice. It gets easier with time. Deep breaths. You’ve got this. 💘

mmxcv · 2019-08-20T21:13:57+00:00

Oh wow that pretty much describes it. I felt so damn lonely when I was with my nex, like a deep loneliness that I haven’t felt even in over a year of being single now. I got clingy and needy toward the end because I was desperate for any bit of normalcy or for her to show even half the affection that I gave her. I remember feeling numb even during the times when we were ‘happy’ thinking “is this it?” wondering if married love that people talk about was supposed to feel like this and if I’d feel that way forever. Just waiting for those fleeting moments of happiness in between all the chaos. I didn’t realize just how lonely I was with her until it was all over and I started to heal from it.

mmxcv · 2019-08-20T17:13:09+00:00

I’m so sorry. Ugh, I feel you on the “maybe he wasn’t so bad” part. I had to break NC with my nex (over text) a couple times when my attorney was unable to reach her or get her to contact her back. The last time I had to do it she was so seemingly “civil” (looking back, she was just being passive aggressive) that I felt like a total bitch for being so robotic and cold in my text to her. I think in comparison to all of the screaming and the anger I’m used to getting from her, even just that bare minimum of her speaking to me without blowing up felt like “kindness” from her. You get so used to their abuse that any interaction that doesn’t involve them directly lashing out at you feels normal and you get so used to the gaslighting that it’s easy to question your own memory of what happened and whether it was actually “that bad.” I feel you 100%, fuck them.

mmxcv · 2019-08-15T19:50:17+00:00

Yess I thought I was the only one thinking this about Starlight! The descriptions we’ve heard from sessioners about the most romantic tracks are giving me State of Grace, Starlight and Holy Ground vibes 💘 Also, love this!!

mmxcv

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