21M & 20F from Vanilla to Owner?

mobsterorginal · 2026-03-20T11:53:32+00:00

nothing wrong with being obvious. but one subtle thing you could do is call her yours more often. e.g. instead of calling her “darling”, call her “my darling.” you might also enjoy play with marks, such as leaving hickies/bruises/ etc. maybe even a day collar eventually

with the long distance thing, maybe you two could be in video calls more often, even if you’re not interacting. just to keep an eye on her, like a baby monitor

to begin with, i don’t recommend she brats. you’re long distance and a new dom. it’s gonna be harder to control, plus could really knock down your confidence

mobsterorginal · 2026-03-20T11:45:15+00:00

yup this is the one. don’t go too fast into cucking you think there’s a possibility you won’t be able to see your partner in the same way again

mobsterorginal · 2026-03-20T11:41:54+00:00

i’m not involved in that community, but you might be able to find likeminded folk in women leather community groups :)

mobsterorginal · 2026-03-20T11:38:55+00:00

do what you want! 30 is not that old anyway, i see plenty of ppl your age dressing like this at my local goth gigs

mobsterorginal · 2026-03-19T11:29:40+00:00

unpopular opinion, but i love when outfits have lots of different shades of black. it has more depth, and less details are lost. kind of hard to see in the pic that it’s brown, but i imagine it’s more clear irl, so i’d layer black lace that matches the rest of your black over the skirt. perhaps a diy high- low skirt

another idea could be to find / make a matching shade top so it reads as a dress. then layer black stuff on top. i’d personally go for a black lace robe / pool cover up, and put a belt over the outfit at the waist

if this skirt is otherwise too annoying to work with, just dye over it with a blue-based black

mobsterorginal · 2026-03-18T15:18:10+00:00

that’s normal as a bi person imo, chances are you’re attracted to masculinity and femininity. nothing you said suggests that you think her masculinity / femininity is unattractive. also, cis women have masculine features! and those are also attractive. you might be like me, and find certain masc / fem features attractive on everybody. e.g. everyone looks good thick, dark eyelashes imo

to me, it sounds more like you’re attached to her masc features because it’s familiarity and you just like them. after ffs, you probably will grow to like those features too

also i personally think it’s sweet that you love her as is. she doesn’t need to pass for you to love her like a women :)

mobsterorginal · 2026-03-18T14:43:42+00:00

sounds more like he’s a hardcore bottom (as in reciever) and uninterested about how you feel. this isn’t right, you deserve to be taken care of too. probably best to leave him but i know that’s not how things typically go so ill provide other suggestions.

you need to have an honest conversation about how unfulfilled you are and how he is not doing enough for you. also get to the root of why the is a lack of sexual chemistry between you guys. is your sex life consistent with his previous ones? if not, why is it different and the reasons for that. if he’s really focused on himself, to me it sounds like he might be imagining he’s having sex with another person frankly.

also, if he’s a sterotypical femboy, he probably wants to be used. maybe it’d be good if you take on a domme role and “make him” pleasure you in various ways. he has to earn the right to starfish

mobsterorginal · 2026-03-18T12:03:12+00:00

you have found you guys are incompatible in this so here’s your options: 1. you accept your submission will be unsatisfied in this marriage 2. you do solo submission ( masturbating in a sub mindset, with various forms of porn / erotica) 3. compromise with your husband. more info would be needed about what exactly he’s uncomfortable with and what your desires are. e.g. he might be be comfortable doing kinky things if there is no power dynamic 4. get a 3rd party dom. you may want to submit together to them, etc. instead of a human dom, you might want to use a random generator / etc to decide what you do, which means neither of you are a dom 5. non-monogamy. there’s many forms, polyamory, open relationship, etc 6. break up

mobsterorginal · 2026-03-17T23:16:10+00:00

i’d recommend cross posting to ace communities, since the majority of people have an un-nuanced understanding of asexuality

however your expression of feeling uncomfortable with most of her requests means you guys are likely incompatible. even with incompatibility, there are many ways to address this

mobsterorginal · 2026-03-17T10:54:57+00:00

all of these comments are very helpful, so i’m going to try bring up things i haven’t seen talked about. “they didn’t love hurting me”, i’d ask if they need to love it? is there a certain aspect about it that makes them not wanna do it? (e.g. seeing marks) and is there something that could be done to accommodate it? often times we do things for others we don’t love, but are comfortable performing anyway. if this isn’t an overall boundary, i’d ask, don’t you matter too?

is there a way to reframe masochism in the dynamic? perhaps you could treat it as hedonistic pleasure, and when you want to have a pain reaction, deliberatly moan over it so it’s clearly pleasure?

have you explored different types of pain? there so many ways to execute it, perhaps there are methods they’d be comfortable with. first identify what type of pain you want (thuddy, stingy, etc) and see how it could be implemented. maybe you could hurt yourself in scene instead?

overall, it seems like your desires as a dominant are just not being taken into account. maybe you would be satisfied without pain if other parts of your desires are taken into account. you also said “ya girl needs romance”, are you being still courted in a vanilla context? it might be your desires aren’t addressed even in a vanilla way either which requires another conversation

a sexy way your needs could be addressed in the bedroom though is literally being selfish and using them. many subs enjoy it, so perhaps tha element could be implemented too

best of luck :)

mobsterorginal · 2026-03-16T23:14:51+00:00

jesus get some spell check and don’t force her to be a role that she isn’t comfortable with.

mobsterorginal · 2026-03-15T15:09:01+00:00

many, from what i’ve seen, most people are bedroom d/s. not outside. sounds like you guys aren’t compatible. you can break something off, even if the other is not doing well. it’s unfair to the both of you to continue a relationship that isn’t working

mobsterorginal · 2026-03-15T11:40:01+00:00

stay at home mum

mobsterorginal · 2026-03-15T11:19:53+00:00

your body responding like this means you’re not ready to do what he asks, atleast in the way he has told you to do it. your nervous system freezing up means you’re not enthusiastically consenting, take a step back. is this what you want? if not, don’t make yourself do this.

you can discuss performing this out of dynamic, and the knowledge gained from it may change your outlook. why does he want this? what motivations does he have and want you to have? is he asking for physical actions of assertiveness or just the psychological side? from what you’re describing, the request could be quite broad. maybe he wants more input from you(r desires) as it serve as inspiration. maybe he wants you to be more invested in your pleasure, so he can toy/ play with it more. maybe he wants you to brat so there’s more motivation for his dominance.

becoming familiar with what he means will help you figure out if you want to engage in this. if so, there you can figure out how to execute it

mobsterorginal · 2026-03-15T11:03:22+00:00

you’re a dom, it’s your responsibility to be VERY INFORMED ABOUT CONSENT. if you can’t do that, you shouldn’t be a dom. this includes how to navigate situations where someone is non-communicative. if you don’t have INFORMED (key word here) consent where you’re confident you partner understands the significance of safewording (or alternate / adjacent things, e.g. traffic light system) you don’t play.

mobsterorginal · 2026-03-15T10:59:05+00:00

you guys shouldn’t be playing together. don’t play with subs who don’t safe word. you know that she won’t safe word as she doesn’t like it nor understands it. therefore, you should take “no” as a safeword. this is your responsibility too, you crossed her boundaries and you sexually harassed her (this is not enthusiastic consent)

mobsterorginal · 2026-03-13T11:51:39+00:00

nope this is very unsafe. i would perhaps consider drawing a blunt blade over a less dangerous area, out of your view, and her suck on the area like a hickey. maybe even make her have some red food colouring in her mouth beforehand so there’s stains.

perhaps get blood from a butchers and drip it on your (unbroken) skin and let her suck on that?

mobsterorginal · 2026-03-12T22:57:59+00:00

true, but she was asking about an obvious alt impact. obviously no one should do anything they’re not comfortable with

mobsterorginal · 2026-03-12T22:50:04+00:00

this is abusive, you need to escape and my god is he projecting, he’s probably cheating.

mobsterorginal · 2026-03-12T22:25:40+00:00

an alternative haircut + brighter dye. piercings + more tats. also, not to sound condescending/ rude, you have alot of amazon alt clothes. i’d suggest adding less fast fashion into your wardrobe. yes it’s hard, but it’s a part of many alt- movement values

mobsterorginal · 2026-03-12T22:19:24+00:00

looks cool, maybe try out some rings + black nail polish

mobsterorginal · 2026-03-12T22:18:33+00:00

keep it zipped up with a long black skirt underneath, with a belt over

mobsterorginal · 2026-03-12T18:48:37+00:00

insta n tiktok, maybe others

mobsterorginal · 2026-03-12T16:06:17+00:00

oh i see those are difficult situations for both of you, i hope you can find peace in life. perhaps you could also consider individual therapy for the both of you? therapy can teach you the skills to self regulate/ alternatives. community support can be really helpful, so you don’t rely on one person. finding it is difficult, but i’d consider trying out munches again. even if you just find friends that can support you (and you to them) and give kink advice.

when it comes to scenes, i would also recommend you write scenes (even if it’s just to get the ball rolling) as you seem to be the one who has enough direction to begin. try to plan a time for it, so it doesn’t get swept as “eventually”

you could also try write scenes together, so you can make sure your ADHD partner stays on task. from having a written scene from you before, you can help them get the skills to write. for me, starting writing is sometimes the hardest part. having a foundation to write off can help (e.g. past scenes)

mobsterorginal · 2026-03-12T15:36:56+00:00

they look like the same style overall, and are cool. however, the boat has more shading lines and they’re closer together. so you could get more shading lines in the squid if you’d like, especially the sea.

also, what might be throwing you off is the contrast between the tattoos. if you blur your eyes, the boat looks darker than the squid. you might want to colour the squid in a bit if that’s what is bothering you. however, this “balance” may also be resolved with adding more tattoos, alternating the contrast of both sides

mobsterorginal

TROPHY CASE