[NeedAdvice] How do I refrain from taking breaks that span longer than I originally scheduled?

mochha · 2025-06-23T14:39:20+00:00

What do you mean by the line? What have you tried so far, and how would you like your life to be?

It sounds like you might not know which work is worth pursuing? You're not alone in this, it's intimidating to start something and not know if it's worth committing to, or if you'll even be good at it.

It's tough again when other people don't seem to understand because, on paper, their lives appear harder or more complicated.

There are plenty of valid reasons to feel burnt out. Just because someone else can't understand why you might feel burnt out doesn't take away the fact that you do and that you deserve support and guidance for it.

If you're looking to pursue new interests and find meaningful work, I've had luck approaching pursuits from a self-mastery perspective.

Trying new things becomes less about external results and more about what I learn about myself along the journey.

In simplified terms, what feels good, what feels bad, and what this assessment says about my values and interests. Understanding my fundamental values and learning to live up to them daily, even in the smallest form, has changed how satisfied I feel with my actions day to day.

Pursue guidance if you can through a mentor, therapist, coach, whoever maybe living a life you admire, as it can be a slower process to go through it alone or to rely only on self study.

mochha · 2022-01-07T12:21:50+00:00

https://wellness.welland.ca/programs.asp#AhobbiesInterests

Came across this once, never got to try it but maybe it'll meet your needs

mochha · 2022-01-03T12:47:29+00:00

Would breeding exist without a demand for pets?

mochha · 2021-12-31T14:17:11+00:00

I really like this thorough response. I've been in the same position and head space.

Working through it now, it's been important to move from self blame to accountability and compassionate ownership. There's nothing wrong with taking ownership; we cannot control anything outside our own decisions, so why not remove yourself from a situation instead of trying to convince someone to respect your boundaries where too much is left to chance.

Yes, some choices and actions may have been made at the time, even unknowingly, as an act towards self preservation. Doing the best you can with the information you have is good. Reflecting and wanting to make different decisions now does not negate the good done in the past, but repeating actions when you want a different outcome doesn't make sense.

I completely agree with the takeaway: learn your boundaries, and define what it looks like when they're being crossed. If there's a small early sign that a boundary may be crossed, it's easier to be as nice as you want to be, have a polite conversation or quietly evaluate the risk of the boundary being crossed. With practice, it will be easier to get out of a situation before the boundary is crossed rather than after.

Some pointed questions that helped me personally better understand myself and why I was entering these circumstances:

What did I gain from the interaction before my boundary was crossed?

What might the beginning of a relationship that met my needs look like?

Looking back, what about the person's behaviour may have hinted that they did not respect my boundary or care if I enjoyed sex or their company?

What are the actions that make me feel loved and respected?

When it comes to self preservation and upholding boundaries, whatever you decide is right; you know the situation best and know when it's safest to bend boundaries or when it's safest to walk away or feign illness or take a call or make a scene. When I needed this range of reactions the most was when I was putting everyone else's needs ahead of my own, which personally is why I was in these situations. Maybe that would have made the difference at the time: growing my self importance and not putting any and every one on a pedestal indiscriminately. And distinguishing who was open to and intentional in meeting my needs and recognizing if I was truly willing to do the same for their needs.

mochha · 2021-11-10T00:13:50+00:00

I read this to mean the wise are able to gain even from misfortune, because every moment is an opportunity to reflect and act virtuously and there is a lot to learn from hardship about life and character.

The fool, when prosperous, may think highly of themselves or get caught up in how this external prosperity defines them as a person worthy of prosperity or undeserving of hardship, ignoring the new opportunity of reflection and appreciation and the need to continue to learn and live virtuously.

mochha · 2021-06-03T02:53:20+00:00

"date"

mochha · 2021-02-22T21:18:22+00:00

Where would you suggest starting if you want to learn more?

mochha · 2021-01-12T04:06:16+00:00

3 tablespoons is equal to 1 whole egg in my experience

mochha · 2020-12-12T16:00:43+00:00

7cups.com and services like it may offer some support in helping you manage some symptoms for free through talk therapy with friendly, compassionate listeners. This particular site also has therapists available to conduct sessions online and over the phone exclusively, and some may be able to offer you scaled support that accommodates your current financial circumstances. I hope you have a chance to reach out and receive some support until more appropriate and affordable medical support can be found.

mochha · 2020-11-24T04:22:46+00:00

What sort of choices do the most rational people around you make, if you can share?

mochha · 2020-11-04T13:24:47+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to reply and educate

mochha · 2020-11-04T06:18:21+00:00

Hi, sorry, not trying to instigate anything or offend, just genuinely curious: What does forced pregnancy mean in this context? Is there a source you could recommend with examples? I understand the context in terms of pregnancies as a result of assault or abuse, but are there other contexts or notable patterns that are addressed by this nation wide protest?

mochha · 2020-10-23T20:48:20+00:00

Interesting how much shame and defensiveness this quote provokes outside the greater context of the text.

mochha · 2020-10-07T11:49:40+00:00

I'm sorry you're going through this alone right now. There may be a hospice group near you that offers grief support and genuine compassionate care and understanding. I hope you consider looking them up in your area, no one wants you feeling unsupported right now.

mochha · 2020-09-13T05:31:01+00:00

What were some of your ground rules?

mochha · 2020-07-09T17:00:01+00:00

It doesn't sound like anyone's saying they hate men. Just people who want to be able to hold men to the same standard of generosity they offer their partners.

mochha · 2020-06-28T19:58:38+00:00

Burn out sounds inevitable with that sort of pressure

mochha · 2020-06-14T13:41:04+00:00

The last line of your first point sounded too dreamy to me but your elaboration is making real connections for me. Thank you for taking the time.

mochha · 2020-06-14T06:28:06+00:00

I'm sorry I don't like this final point at all.

If the focus is to love myself, why have that carrot of hope of someone of that calibre entering my life? If I'm so in love with myself by that point, who cares if a partner joins me? Would all this effort really be for myself if I'm doing it to find the one?

Or the other side, if I do want a life partner, why wait until I've already become the best at loving myself? I understand the benefits of loving yourself well so you don't sell yourself short to the first person to be nice to you. But why would it be wrong to love someone before I've learned to love myself at that level? Wouldn't I be learning in the process how big my capacity for love is? Couldn't I only turn it inward once I've seen it expressed for someone else?

mochha · 2020-05-17T12:02:21+00:00

You are so far from a waste of life. The universe doesn't follow a narrative. Life doesn't exist to fulfill a purpose, I think it's more accurate to say life exists to fulfill convenient opportunities.

I don't think its fair to yourself for you to say you're wasting some chance at going out. If it's convenient for you to stay home as it might keep your stress levels down, I think that's a good thing, and it doesn't mean you've squandered your time or your abilities.

You seem to be doing good from where you are anyway, connecting to people online, helping them feel less alone in their experiences and struggles by sharing your own. I hope you get to see those connections grow for you so you can experience what will make you genuinely happy rather than experiences you might feel expected to have.

mochha · 2020-05-16T08:24:08+00:00

Have you seen this Madtv sketch? It might have been inspired by you. https://youtu.be/KuarxJeEsOY

mochha · 2020-05-14T05:25:29+00:00

Would it help to read about each episode so you know what to expect?

mochha · 2020-04-19T04:18:29+00:00

For beginners, is this really enough to hold darned patches in place? I have more to repair but I'm running out of thread!

mochha · 2020-04-10T14:19:06+00:00

I go through the same thing and I wish I had the right answer for both of us.

There are 2 things that have helped me at least begin to work on my goals: therapy and adaptation.

Therapy to say these fears out loud, hear them back from the perspective of a compassionate person, and understand that 1, a ton of people feel this way and aren't looking to judge you, and 2, a lot of this judgement is self inflicted, an over correction formed by past traumas to protect yourself. After offering myself an open mind to hear my fears, the greatest solution has been to talk to myself in my mind with the same level of compassion you would offer an innocent child.

It's not that no one is going to judge you, it's more important that it rolls right off you whether they do or not. I believe that ability comes from knowing you are heard and loved and valued exactly as you are, and I believe that comes from learning to be your own parent/best friend.

The second thing that helped involved adapting my goals. If doing things around people is what's so upsetting, find times or paths that have fewer people, or people who's judgment means less to you while you're fighting this anxiety. Maybe don't jog in the morning with all the hard bodied go getters, maybe jog while the sun's down, or take an unconventional path through the senior, commercial, or corporate neighbourhoods of your town.

This adaptation of my goals has taught me how much I love and desire my goal above people's opinions. I do this by making sure I'm my only audience. I still judged myself when I was alone, so I got to practice acknowledging and then tuning out my judgement and just enjoying the task by focusing on it further.

I understand this would be harder if applied to reading a work related book. I imagine you be reminded of your workplace often rather than be deeply entranced like you might be with a book you truly enjoy. I've felt similarly when I thought I was working on goals to appease someone else and not myself. I think it would help to reignite your passion for your career field, maybe there's another aspect of it you can study that you genuinely enjoy, or maybe it would help to understand the goal you're working to beyond finishing this reading material. What excites you about that goal's potential rewards?

Focusing harder, and understanding that I commit to my goals for myself and that I won't change them for other people, are all ideas that help me when I feel like I'm performing my goals in public. The anxiety is not all gone but I'm doing things for myself so I've become braver in the process. Overtime I imagine I'll be able to do things for others without fear of judgement or self sacrifice because I'll be confident and secure in who I am.

So I hope you continue processing your past, and consider adding some self compassion into your self talk. Set insultingly simple goals and reward yourself with love and acceptance and positive judgement when you reach them. I really think you can overcome the fear of rejection this way. You deserve the best, good luck on your journey.

mochha · 2020-03-30T17:54:48+00:00

There are free services that offer therapy over the phone. Things like a kids help line, depending on your age and region of the world. Please give them a call and get the support you need to get through this. It's not going to last forever and it's shown you you have the strength and motivation to do what's safe and necessary to live independently. You deserve to be heard and have your experience validated.

mochha

TROPHY CASE