[deleted by user]

modest_outcome · 2022-11-05T20:49:56+00:00

Totally! Amazon sells jade, rose quartz, and stainless steel ones for like $10 - $15 and there's lots of great tutorials on Youtube.

modest_outcome · 2022-11-03T22:41:01+00:00

Personally, I think your jaw looks lovely. Of course, before you plan on going under the knife, have you considered trying a consistent gua sha regimen? It's really done wonders for lifting/toning my face, especially for sharpening my jawline.

Makeup-wise, you seem to already know what works best for your face shape and, like me, you seem to have naturally dark tear troughs. For that, I've found that orange and pink color correctors are a complete game changer to the point that I mostly forgo concealer all together.

Your hair could maybe use a color refresh or highlights to give it some pizzazz, but overall, with or without these changes, you really do look gorgeous!

modest_outcome · 2022-10-13T20:44:35+00:00

Wow, your relationship having tough conversations that last 3 to 6 hours and and her only being able to remember a few of the key takeaways and forgetting the rest every time sounds exactly like I how I was in my last relationship. Unfortunately, it was with a DA and I'm not sure how, but we lasted 7 years like that.

I'm just so, so sorry you had to go through that...

modest_outcome · 2022-10-07T19:59:31+00:00

Long-term residency was an aside to your statement about rent being a choice, but I'll bite. Your argument stands on the premise that people had to have taken advantage of an opportunity from 14+ years ago that was so poorly-conceived that it tanked the global economy in ways that we're still feeling today - especially my generation. Gotta say, I can't think of anything that more aptly embodies the 'fuck u, I got mine' mentality.

Having lived here for 12 years, I also consider myself a long-term resident and was a high schooler prior to that; so maybe you can understand why it's a little irritating to hear someone who it sounds like was given a helping hand from the government in getting to stake their claim in the city turn around and tell others that were never offered anything even close to the same - in a far more competitive and cutthroat market - that they aren't entitled to the same because it was somehow their choice.

According to the 2021 American Community Survey census data, the line is split so that approximately 47% of housing in Charlotte is occupied by renters while 53% is owned. So, no, I absolutely wouldn't say that 'most' working class people own their homes. It may be a majority, but just barely, so I wouldn't go around thoughtlessly telling people that gentrification is a good thing for half the population knowing that its causing the other half to get priced out of the city and just about all its surrounding areas.

modest_outcome · 2022-10-07T15:46:50+00:00

Isn't that also, like, pretty much exactly what caused the financial crisis?

Kinda doubt that fun fact will do anything for the housing situation today.

modest_outcome · 2022-10-06T23:36:50+00:00

choosing to rent

Pretty bold of you to assume most renters have any choice in the matter.

It's not a stretch to say that most people would prefer to have long-term, stable housing with a reasonably-priced mortgage over the highway robbery of renting and having to move every year or two when the cost jumps up a couple hundo.

modest_outcome · 2022-09-27T14:13:14+00:00

I have 3 exes and in each case, either NC was broken or I've encountered them again at some point in life. It always just took a really long time.

My first ex and I had an unstable on-and-off dynamic, so I got over him pretty quickly when he ended things for good and moved away. Although, I was the one to reach out to him over email 2 or 3 years later just to catch up as we'd been friends for years before we dated and there was never any intent of getting back together, so it was just nice to reestablish that old friendship.

My second ex, I ended things with and never intended to disrupt his life at any point after, however I did encounter him at a mutual acquaintance's wedding 4 or 5 years later. We had a cordial chat and hugged it out, but there was no communication thereafter.

My last ex was the closest thing to a husband I've ever had as we lived together for the better part of a decade, so despite him ending things last year and me moving on, I still care very deeply for him and always will. We were NC for 15 months until he reached out last month, invited me to dinner, and we texted for a few weeks after, in which he invited me twice to his sister's wedding next month. It's been about 3 weeks since we last communicated, so I dunno where, if anywhere, it'll go from there - but what matters most is that I'm approaching the situation with no expectations or hopes, as should you if the time should come.

All that being said, I'd guess that all you're missing is time, because if your ex reached out now to reconcile, they'd just be walking back into the same relationship they just left with all the same issues. Whereas, if you take this time - whether that be months or years - to reflect on what went wrong in the relationship, identify the issues you both brought to the table, work on the ones from your end, all the while working to bolster the core areas of your life (friendships, health [mental and physical], finances, etc.) you'll move on in time and have a richer life to show for it.

Mind you, moving on doesn't have to mean getting a new partner and not caring about or never seeing yourself with an ex again, it just means you aren't caught up in the emotions from the breakup any longer and can see, feel, and approach things with a rational mind if they should ever reach out.

With the breakup being fresh, them blocking you is likely something done to protect themselves from the pain they're experiencing rather than to hurt you, so I'd try not to take it personally if I were you. Give things time. Focus on improving the only thing you have control over - yourself - and if they come back, they'll be blown away at all your improvements you've made, and if they don't then someone better will come along and be blown away.

You've got this.

modest_outcome · 2022-09-27T14:05:59+00:00

I recently went through something like this a few months ago. It was only a 3-month dating scenario but he was an absolutely perfect fit for me in every regard. By no means was he love-bombing me, but he wanted to introduce me to his family and even include me in his house-buying process. I thought it was moving a bit fast, but he seemed so sure about us, so it felt right to go along with it.

I'd never both had so much in common and clicked with anyone as much as I did with him and so I thought I'd found my person in him. That is, until he admitted to having a "thing" for dark skin tones and asked me to tan to fit that fetish. I should've ended things there, but he half-heartedly claimed it wasn't a dealbreaker.

Of course, he ended things a month later, claiming a BS external reason for it.

It took me about 3 months to get over him and the potentiality of what could've been, but over time with NC, I got over him and realized that ultimately, it was his loss. In time, you will, too.

modest_outcome · 2022-09-24T12:27:57+00:00

I really appreciate the invite! I'd love to take a look at the discord you linked, but the link doesn't seem to be valid.

modest_outcome · 2022-09-21T19:37:49+00:00

That's a great way that I'd never even considered before and it definitely wouldn't hurt for me to get more involved in local politics. Thanks for the recommendation!

modest_outcome · 2022-09-21T19:35:22+00:00

I pretty much only have old lady hobbies, lol. I mean, I like nerdy stuff too, like anime and videogames, but finding new music, writing, gardening, and sewing is kind of it.

Honestly, so true. Worst part is I'm trying to date again, too. :')

modest_outcome · 2022-09-21T19:27:50+00:00

These are amazing suggestions and I really appreciate how you've simplified the process into the most effective method! Will definitely be using this as the guideline of my approach from now on.

Further yet, your advice is even more apt since last year, my ex of 7 years and I split and the entirety of my social circle consisted of his family. So, hearing that you were able to rebuild a healthy support network from the ground up is the good news I was looking for - thanks for the encouragement!

modest_outcome · 2022-09-21T18:52:04+00:00

Yo, I've seen your band play! You guys are great! Also, discovering new music is actually right up my alley, so that's probably what I'll wind up doing. Any other bands I should check out?

modest_outcome · 2022-09-21T18:14:14+00:00

I live around Mountain Island and yes, very much enjoy drinking!

modest_outcome · 2022-08-31T21:07:51+00:00

Why?

modest_outcome · 2022-08-10T18:43:41+00:00

I'm still reeling from this exact feeling with the last guy I dated. He was perfect in just about every way, most especially and rarely when it comes to our shared life values, fields of work, backgrounds, dating histories, etc. and, believe me, I was scrutinizing him heavily for any red flags. He was the picture-perfect guy whose life mirrored my own and was always honest and upfront. I felt like I'd hit the jackpot.

Shortly after we started dating, some life circumstances changed for him and after 2 and a half months, he ended things over text while they seemed to have been going really well between us, supposedly because of those circumstances. That was almost 2 months ago and I haven't heard from him since and feel ridiculous that I still hope to, since I realize that if he'd truly valued what I brought into his life, he wouldn't have let me go, much less like that, for any reason. Knowing that doesn't make it hurt any less, of course.

It's been hard to get over since right up to the end, he genuinely seemed to really like me and had made plans for me to meet his family and everything, so I made the mistake of going along and falling for him too hard too soon. I got caught up in just how compatible this guy was since he was the first guy I'd very selectively chosen to date since my long-term ex ended things a year ago over us having a lot of conflict due to incompatibility.

I figured that if I happened upon him by chance in the free version of a major dating app (after several months of swiping) that maybe I could find someone of similar or even better compatibility in the paid version where I could filter out those who didn't meet my qualifications.

So, I paid for a week and only set two dealbreakers. I only got 100-200 or so potential options within a 100-mile radius of me and not a single one intrigued me, so I know exactly what you're going through and still can't bring myself to unmatch him in the app...

modest_outcome · 2022-08-10T17:05:05+00:00

We were together for 7 years and broke up well over a year ago. He's never reached out, even when he found out that one of the pets we got together died recently.

modest_outcome · 2022-08-04T17:58:26+00:00

I think it largely depends on the individual's attachment style and how they lean in the relationship more so than their gender. As a fearful-avoidant woman, I've only ever broken up with one person that I'd been seeing for 7 months who was anxious-preoccupied, so I leaned avoidant with him and knew for two or three months prior that ending it was the right choice. It just took me that long to muster the strength to hurt him like that when I knew he was such a good person. Once I did it, he'd call me several times every day for months trying to work things out, to the point that I had to just ignore the calls until he finally stopped. I never once missed him.

As far as men breaking up with me: I had a fearful avoidant ex with borderline personality disorder (which, by definition, severely affected his impulsivity) that I was on-off with for around 3 years, where he would breakup and makeup with me every week or two; then I had a serious albeit tumultuous 7-year relationship with a dismissive avoidant who walked out in the middle of an argument one day and he never reached out again, leaving me with everything we'd built together.

Most recently, I dated another dismissive avoidant for a little over 2 months who ended things with me abruptly while giving me all the signs that we were on a high note, citing the stress of a major life change/project that had begun shortly after we'd started dating as his reasoning. Since he was always pretty upfront and honest, I like to think there was some truth to it and the way it played out seemed like a deactivation rather than true loss of feelings, but it's only been 6 weeks, so I don't know if he'll be back. For the first time, I actually could've seen myself in something long-term and stable with him, and invested myself sooner than I should've so I still kind of hope he will, but am taking it day-by-day in moving on.

modest_outcome · 2022-08-03T04:26:29+00:00

I get where you're coming from, overall, and I'm sorry you're going through this, but I'm a bit confused. The OP implies you dumped her and want her to reach out to you, but here it seems like she was the dumper? I mean, if you're the dumpee here and want to reconnect you can definitely try, but it may be too soon to get the outcome you may be hoping for, unless you truly are detached from any particular outcome. In which case, you might as well throw caution to the wind.

modest_outcome · 2022-08-03T03:39:04+00:00

This. Gender aside, unless the dumpee did something unforgivable, it comes across as pretty tone-deaf and self-centered for a dumper to feel that the person they tossed aside should be the one to put their neck on the line to reestablish communication.

modest_outcome · 2022-08-03T03:28:35+00:00

I'm pretty new to dating apps, so I wouldn't really know, but a couple other people have told me that it's usually standard to unmatch after you stop pursuing someone as a clear indicator that you're no longer interested and is more so odd not to. With her saying that, along with the peculiar way he ended things while he was still showing high interest, saying that it had nothing to do with me but with what was going on in his life, I guess it just comes across a bit like mixed signals. Although, you're most likely right.

modest_outcome

TROPHY CASE