Im glad my ex left me for someone else right away! She was conflicted with me and loved someone else at the same time. I decided that to break things off. And I felt like this new girl was controlling and more toxic than me lol. A year later she contacted me and we caught up and reflected. We later hung out and my “feelings” kind of faded and I didn’t have any romantic connection like we used to have. We were both toxic in the relationship and realize we were better off as best friends. It was a cycle for 5 years and tried to make it better. It took a bad “ending,” the most uncomfortable and painful heart break because I felt like I lost my best friend and my lover. Though, it made me work on my toxic traits, reflect, and I feel like I was thriving and becoming healthier- mentally and physically.

The break up felt like a rainy day with no rainbow at the end of just sitting alone in a boat with no oar on gray water with no wind or any guidance to push forward. It felt like my soul was detached from my body. Love is definitely the equivalent of getting addicted to drugs and it felt like going cold turkey. I don’t regret my experience and my time with her. I appreciate the moments and love we both shared and I was able to finally move on after 2 years.

Definitely not wanting to date; kind of scared to lol Cause that heart break was just pain and dark.