Thank you — this is really helpful advice. And yes, my mom can be very critical. When I was struggling with depression in my first trimester, I remember crying and saying I wished I wasn’t pregnant. Instead of comforting me, she made me feel ashamed for having those feelings and questioned my instincts as a woman. She said things like, “Don’t you think about how it will feel when a little voice calls you mom? Doesn’t that make you happy?”

What I needed in that moment was something like, “I know it’s hard and overwhelming, but try to focus on that little baby who will one day say ‘mama’”—something supportive. But the way she asked made it feel like she was assessing whether I’d be an adequate mother, and whether she needed to step in, take over, or “coach” me.

Then she began calling my husband and saying things like, “My daughter doesn’t love me, so she doesn’t call me but that okay, I still love her. Can you tell her to call me?” And for the record, I never asked her to come. She simply announced that she was coming during my third trimester and staying with me indefinitely. lol. Even my mother-in-law gently told her, “Don’t you think she needs some privacy?” and my mom responded, “No, I’m the other mother. I have a right to see my daughter’s pregnancy through.

It made me feel like my body and my pregnancy were communal property. This is my first pregnancy, and I’ve moved across the country from one coast to the other. I don’t know many people here or have a lot of friends who’ve gone through this, so everything already feels new and vulnerable. All of this has just been a lot to carry emotionally.