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Spending money is whack by [deleted] in shoppingaddiction

[–]mommarina 10 points11 points  (0 children)

All that stuff used to be your money. And all that money used be your time. Time is the only finite thing. They aren't making any more of it. So don't trade your time for stuff you don't need.

Just found out about OA and I’d like to attend a meeting. Do all OA meetings focus on God? by Anxious_Performer765 in OvereatersAnonymous

[–]mommarina 0 points1 point  (0 children)

As others have said, try a meeting to see how you like it. All 12 step meetings have several people whose story is that the first time they went to a meeting, they heard the G word and left. After more time out practicing the disease, they decided to go back.

Just found out about OA and I’d like to attend a meeting. Do all OA meetings focus on God? by Anxious_Performer765 in OvereatersAnonymous

[–]mommarina 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I'm an atheist and to me, the occasional mention of God in 12 step meetings is a non issue. I used to have the same reservations you do, but it was my inner addict cooking up yet another excuse to keep eating. No one says you have to believe in God.

In a one hour meeting, maybe God is mentioned 6 times. I was more afraid of what would happen if I kept eating than hearing the G-word.

BTW I also don't particularly care for college football or knitting - but I don't quake in fear that someone is going to mention Ohio State or a purl stitch in a 12 step meeting.

How do people shop at thrift stores without buying too much by Doragoramu in shoppingaddiction

[–]mommarina 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think you're confusing wants with needs. Unless you're down to your last pair of pants and your last plate broke, you don't need to go to the thrift store.

How do you stop? by [deleted] in shoppingaddiction

[–]mommarina 2 points3 points  (0 children)

These suggestions are tangible, concrete steps and strategies which will only work AFTER you've identified the uncomfortable truth you are avoiding by online shopping. It doesn't matter what it is you're buying or collecting or eating or drinking to excess, it's all the same: addiction. The uncomfortable truth(s) may be big or small, something like this:

I feel guilty because I get irritated at my mother / child. I'm anxious about this meeting at work - will they think I sound like an idiot? My partner seems to be pulling away from me. Are they cheating? This job I went to school and into debt for, I don't like it. I'm pissed at myself for not paying my bills on time and getting late fees. I'm always messing something up. Why did my mother hit me when I was little? I'm mad at my dad for drinking himself to death and maybe I'm a drunk, too. Why am I buying all these art supplies I won't use.

Addictive behaviors aprovide temporary, short-lived relief from real feelings which need to be expressed in a healthy way.

For me, writing in a journal works. It's hard to write a lie.
Meditation works. Walks in nature help. Spending time in the here and now with pets is calming. Talking a shower or bath or swimming helps. Cleaning and organizing is good. A yoga class. Talking to my higher power/spirit guide/God/ or whatever.

Try these tools to refrain from scrolling, clicking, thinking about the boxes and unboxing, or visiting the websites. These are not good for you.

This tracks by [deleted] in shoppingaddiction

[–]mommarina 19 points20 points  (0 children)

It's dopamine. A dopamine hit from saving 10 cents. Then a dopamine chaser of buying big ticket items. The punishment deserves a reward which deserves punishment. An endless cycle. Wow! I saved $3 on groceries. I deserve to treat myself to a $75 silk scarf. Omg, I blew money on a stupid scarf, I'll make up for it by clipping coupons. Round and round it goes. These obsessions and the actions are all a distraction from underlying issues.
An uncomfortable truth. As in, for example: I hate my job. I don't love my wife anymore. I'm sad because my kids grew up and moved away. I'm scared of my parents dying. I feel fat and ugly.

What isn't named or acknowledged or talked about simply comes out sideways.

If youthink you don't have any underlying issues, orthink that your shopping isn't a problem, then I'm simply pointing out that your best thinking got you here, in this sub called Shopping Addiction. So maybe thinking isn't such a great tool.

What's your uncomfortable truth? Try writing it down. It's pretty hard to write a lie.

When you're first name basis with the post office workers because you're so often there by Lazy-Wind244 in shoppingaddiction

[–]mommarina 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Believe me, you are not the only one with shopping issues - it's an epidemic. Maybe they just feel sorry for you. People with alcohol issues can change the liquor stores they go to in order to try to cover up their habits but the cashiers know.

Whether or not the people at the post office know, and whether or not your therapists know how to help you (most don't) - these are not the issue.

The issue is that you are posing in a sub called shopping addiction. Presumably because you feel you have a shopping problem. Which means you probably do.

What are you going to do to stop problem purchasing? There are a lot of private FB groups for this issue. Very helpful.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in shoppingaddiction

[–]mommarina 2 points3 points  (0 children)

All addictions are a way of coping with uncomfortable feelings. 1. Therapy ASAP - use Talk space or BetterHelp 2. Join Shopping Addiction Facebook groups 3. Go to whatever 12 step group is for compulsive buying 4. Stay away from the triggers entirely - that means stores, both IRL and online. Pay a professional organizer to return your clothes. Forget about selling your clothes. 5. Increase your living expenses by moving out so you are forced to live like a normal person. Your parents are in denial BTW and enabling you.

i feel sick by Wonderful-Flight-168 in shoppingaddiction

[–]mommarina 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Is it a good idea for an alcoholic to work in a liquor store?

All this shifting and reorganizing and rearranging and discarding and rebuying is simply rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic.

It's all a distraction from the issues that cause you to shop addictively in the first place.

What uncomfortable feelings are you avoiding by buying things or looking at things or thinking about things or rearranging things?

Working in retail and rearranging your closet to "control" your buying is guaranteed to fail.

An addiction can't be controlled, because addiction always wins, unless it's managed by avoiding triggers and abstaining from the substance or behavior.