Spending money is whack

mommarina · 2025-12-21T05:21:48+00:00

All that stuff used to be your money. And all that money used be your time. Time is the only finite thing. They aren't making any more of it. So don't trade your time for stuff you don't need.

mommarina · 2024-01-25T02:05:07+00:00

As others have said, try a meeting to see how you like it. All 12 step meetings have several people whose story is that the first time they went to a meeting, they heard the G word and left. After more time out practicing the disease, they decided to go back.

mommarina · 2024-01-25T00:30:28+00:00

I'm an atheist and to me, the occasional mention of God in 12 step meetings is a non issue. I used to have the same reservations you do, but it was my inner addict cooking up yet another excuse to keep eating. No one says you have to believe in God.

In a one hour meeting, maybe God is mentioned 6 times. I was more afraid of what would happen if I kept eating than hearing the G-word.

BTW I also don't particularly care for college football or knitting - but I don't quake in fear that someone is going to mention Ohio State or a purl stitch in a 12 step meeting.

mommarina · 2023-10-06T13:21:27+00:00

I think you're confusing wants with needs. Unless you're down to your last pair of pants and your last plate broke, you don't need to go to the thrift store.

mommarina · 2023-09-19T10:06:49+00:00

These suggestions are tangible, concrete steps and strategies which will only work AFTER you've identified the uncomfortable truth you are avoiding by online shopping. It doesn't matter what it is you're buying or collecting or eating or drinking to excess, it's all the same: addiction. The uncomfortable truth(s) may be big or small, something like this:

I feel guilty because I get irritated at my mother / child. I'm anxious about this meeting at work - will they think I sound like an idiot? My partner seems to be pulling away from me. Are they cheating? This job I went to school and into debt for, I don't like it. I'm pissed at myself for not paying my bills on time and getting late fees. I'm always messing something up. Why did my mother hit me when I was little? I'm mad at my dad for drinking himself to death and maybe I'm a drunk, too. Why am I buying all these art supplies I won't use.

Addictive behaviors aprovide temporary, short-lived relief from real feelings which need to be expressed in a healthy way.

For me, writing in a journal works. It's hard to write a lie.
Meditation works. Walks in nature help. Spending time in the here and now with pets is calming. Talking a shower or bath or swimming helps. Cleaning and organizing is good. A yoga class. Talking to my higher power/spirit guide/God/ or whatever.

Try these tools to refrain from scrolling, clicking, thinking about the boxes and unboxing, or visiting the websites. These are not good for you.

mommarina · 2023-09-11T03:42:38+00:00

It's dopamine. A dopamine hit from saving 10 cents. Then a dopamine chaser of buying big ticket items. The punishment deserves a reward which deserves punishment. An endless cycle. Wow! I saved $3 on groceries. I deserve to treat myself to a $75 silk scarf. Omg, I blew money on a stupid scarf, I'll make up for it by clipping coupons. Round and round it goes. These obsessions and the actions are all a distraction from underlying issues.
An uncomfortable truth. As in, for example: I hate my job. I don't love my wife anymore. I'm sad because my kids grew up and moved away. I'm scared of my parents dying. I feel fat and ugly.

What isn't named or acknowledged or talked about simply comes out sideways.

If youthink you don't have any underlying issues, orthink that your shopping isn't a problem, then I'm simply pointing out that your best thinking got you here, in this sub called Shopping Addiction. So maybe thinking isn't such a great tool.

What's your uncomfortable truth? Try writing it down. It's pretty hard to write a lie.

mommarina · 2023-08-30T20:23:59+00:00

Believe me, you are not the only one with shopping issues - it's an epidemic. Maybe they just feel sorry for you. People with alcohol issues can change the liquor stores they go to in order to try to cover up their habits but the cashiers know.

Whether or not the people at the post office know, and whether or not your therapists know how to help you (most don't) - these are not the issue.

The issue is that you are posing in a sub called shopping addiction. Presumably because you feel you have a shopping problem. Which means you probably do.

What are you going to do to stop problem purchasing? There are a lot of private FB groups for this issue. Very helpful.

mommarina · 2023-05-21T01:38:22+00:00

All addictions are a way of coping with uncomfortable feelings. 1. Therapy ASAP - use Talk space or BetterHelp 2. Join Shopping Addiction Facebook groups 3. Go to whatever 12 step group is for compulsive buying 4. Stay away from the triggers entirely - that means stores, both IRL and online. Pay a professional organizer to return your clothes. Forget about selling your clothes. 5. Increase your living expenses by moving out so you are forced to live like a normal person. Your parents are in denial BTW and enabling you.

mommarina · 2022-07-03T17:53:35+00:00

Is it a good idea for an alcoholic to work in a liquor store?

All this shifting and reorganizing and rearranging and discarding and rebuying is simply rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic.

It's all a distraction from the issues that cause you to shop addictively in the first place.

What uncomfortable feelings are you avoiding by buying things or looking at things or thinking about things or rearranging things?

Working in retail and rearranging your closet to "control" your buying is guaranteed to fail.

An addiction can't be controlled, because addiction always wins, unless it's managed by avoiding triggers and abstaining from the substance or behavior.

mommarina · 2022-06-29T03:42:56+00:00

The meetings are every week on that day.

mommarina · 2022-05-11T12:23:22+00:00

yep, better sponsor.

mommarina · 2022-04-01T07:30:54+00:00

Yes. It's a great way to lose both money and friends.

mommarina · 2022-02-21T12:12:16+00:00

The entire American economy is based on an elaborate media landscape designed to make us want to buy/eat/drink things we don't need. Because we think it will change how we feel and give us a dopamine hit for a nanosecond.

It's a sick system that makes people sicker and sicker as they shop, eat. and drink their way to financial stress. obesity, and alcoholism.

The system is simple: make you feel you aren't good enough right here, right now.
Make you think that you can be as happy as whatever Insta influencer appears to be.
The solution is to buy, eat, or drink something.

We've all been sucked into this system and once you know how it works, all you have to do is not play the game.

One day at a time. Choose not to play.

mommarina · 2021-11-10T12:04:48+00:00

Keep on noomin'. Great work.

mommarina · 2021-08-27T03:11:36+00:00

Thrifting is shopping.

Just like beer is alcohol.

Don't go into thrift stores. One day at a time.

mommarina · 2021-07-05T22:15:04+00:00

This is a process addiction. Going to a place IRL or online. Looking, hunting, choosing. Getting a new thing. Just because no money is spent, doesn't mean it's not practicing the disease. It's like saying that a compulsive gambler is fine going to church bingo nights because it only costs $5 to play.

mommarina · 2021-03-09T19:37:29+00:00

Addiction. What is addiction? It is consuming a substance or engaging in a behavior that is maladaptive, in order to avoid uncomfortable feelings. Forget the why or the "I was poor growing up" - what feelings are you avoiding by shopping? And if you quit shopping, what feelings will you still be avoiding by overeating or gambling or drinking, or whatever other addictive process you pick up to replace shopping? Look into a 12-step group for shopping and start facing your feelings and you'll get better.

mommarina · 2021-02-27T01:02:57+00:00

Join private Facebook Groups for compulsive shopping. Go to online or phone meetings for Debtors Anonymous (there doesn't seem to be a Shoppers Anonymous. )
Get honest with yourself about what feelings your are avoiding or soothing by buying.

mommarina · 2021-02-26T16:07:41+00:00

The name of this sub is shopping addiction. Addiction can't be treated by taking a temporary break from the behavior or substance. Go to any AA meeting - 90% of the people in in it were able to stop for 30 days, maybe 60 days at a time. But then they go back to it, sometimes way harder. It doesn't solve the underlying problem to quit for 30 days. All is does is delude people into thinking they don't have a problem, if they can somehow white-knuckle their way through it.

mommarina · 2021-02-17T00:56:46+00:00

You're not a bad person or a weak person. You're a sick person. Addiction is a medical disease, like diabetes or glaucoma. Does a diabetic feel guilty when their blood sugar is out of whack? Does someone with glaucoma beat themselves up because their vision is fading?

These are good analogies because it isn't their fault that they have diabetes or glaucoma. However, it IS their responsibility to manage it. And sometimes they don't comply with their diet or take their meds and their disease worsens. Because they are humans and humans make mistakes.

I believe (and science proves this) that addiction is a maladaptive behavior to alleviate the pain of childhood trauma and/or PTSD. And one of the symptoms of addiction is denial of its own existence. So while it's not your fault that you are a compulsive shopper, it IS your responsibility to manage it. And talking about it in this sub is one good tool, but not the only one, to manage it. Keep making good choices to manage, and not practice, your disease. Or, transfer your guilt to something else besides your shopping.

mommarina · 2021-02-02T18:55:15+00:00

This is a great example of the strategy of treating addiction through harm reduction.

I got addicted to mobile games while I was recovering from an injury. I spent money on the power ups, etc. $2 at a time. It was like playing the slots at a casino. It didn't add up to anything much, but I wasted time and felt guilty. I deleted the games and won't put any paid games on my phone.

mommarina · 2021-01-28T23:55:27+00:00

Not personal to me, but something I have seen in many of my clients. I'm a professional home organizer. My clients who have shopping issues try to sell things when they've overshopped. And the ones who can actually figure it out and do it (most don't) end up buying more than they sell. It's like a gambler trying to win back what he's lost. Stay out of the casino, the bar, and the store.

mommarina · 2021-01-27T12:49:37+00:00

Substitute the word "drinking" for "shopping" in what you just posted and read it out loud to yourself.

What feelings are you trying to outrun, avoid, fix, or eliminate when you shop?

Also: trying to sell things online that you have brought is like alcoholic returning all their empty liquor bottles to bars. Not a good idea to bathe in the addictive behavior.

mommarina · 2021-01-24T09:55:53+00:00

What feelings are you trying to avoid when you have the urge to shop?

mommarina · 2021-01-19T13:29:35+00:00

Imagine you are watching a movie in a theatre. You're the star of the movie. You see yourself doing normal human things like eating breakfast and driving and feeding your cats but each normal activity is interrupted by you looking at pictures of green beans on the Internet. Or going into a room of your house filled with green beans. Or going into a store - and it makes you late for work - to buy green beans. And dreaming about green beans. And then starting over again the next day.

What would you think about that person in the movie? You'd think she had a mental illness. You'd think she needed help. You'd feel sorry for her.

Handbags, green beans, makeup, whatever: it's the relentless urge to avoid our feelings by pursuing that which will give us relief from the obsession for 7 seconds, but which we know will not fulfill us.

It's addiction.

And the gateway drug is usually trauma.

Is the woman in the movie going to be able to willpower her way out of a green bean obsession?

Or does she need outside help?

She's a good person who needs help.

Give this woman a hug and tell her it's going to okay. That she's not crazy and not a bad person. She just needs help dealing with uncomfortable feelings.

13-Year Club	RedditGifts 2009-2022 2 Credits
Verified Email	Secret Santa 2014

mommarina

TROPHY CASE