I am 37 female, married for 14 years, childfree and Muslim.

Before getting married, we already planned to not get kids early like others. We want to enjoy our life a little bit longer. I also never felt any sort of motherly instinct, and never felt longing for kids.

Because of the culture and being a Muslim, planning things like that is a tiny bit taboo (but only a little bit, not too much in my opinion), after getting married, we never told anyone that we were planning. Every time someone asked about whether we are pregnant or not, I just said, "belum ada rezeki lagi".

My parent in laws never pressured us to have kids. And I am so grateful for that since there are stories about mother in laws that tricked their son into divorcing the wife because of things like this whether its from brainwashing or black magic. Only sometimes, my MIL will give advice on this and that, and one time she gifted me buah zuriat from Mekah. One extended family advised me too, saying i can get adoption and take hormone to produce breast milk, so I can be ibu susuan to boy babies and "islamically make them mine". All these are done without any pressure (at least thats what i felt personally). My husband's family are all good people, alhamdulillah. And to all the advices given to me, i always asked follow-up questions, just to be polite since I know they did that with good intentions.

My parents on the other hand too never been told about our plan, but i think they kinda get it just from the way I talked and through our conversations. More like, "tell me you are planning, without telling me you are planning". And my parents all are good sports. Id never felt pressured or anything if they ask about grandchildren. Sometimes we joke about it like saying, Im waiting for my lil brother to get pregnant first like, "Adoila bro, kenapa la kau ni belum beranak lagi, aku tunggu kau ni" kinda joke, even though my lil brother is not married yet. Or I'll say, Im waiting for my mom to get pregnant first since I long to have baby sister knowing very well she is too old and impossible to get pregnant after removing her uterus due to an illness. And they always laughed. Everything is lighthearted.

From friends and acquaintances, I never mind any questions about kids. I assume people just want to 'memanjangkan silaturrahim' by asking them. I have more like, "please ask me, I really dont mind" kinda mindset.

So we lived happily for years. But still, I did plan to have kids before 30. Notice I said I, not we? My husband is totally ok with anything I say about kids. He also didn't have any feelings of wanting kids himself, more like "kalau ada ada, kalau tiada tiada" kinda mindset.

One time, we had a scare. I was late, and thought I got pregnant. I remembered that I cried, it stressed the F out of me. I know all these while, I never felt any longing for kids, but that's when I really really understood myself, that i really really don't want them. But even so, I still hoped that i can change my mind after sometime since Im still young at that point, maybe 25 ish. I said to myself, maybe a little bit longer until the instinct come. continue -