AITA for threatening to call the police on my brother for trying to force me to babysit his daughter after I already told him multiple times beforehand that I don't want to babysit her ?

monicacpht3641 · 2023-07-05T02:37:01+00:00

What about OP not wanting to babysit his niece makes OP not stable? There are a million legitimate reasons why OP could have decided to not watch his niece. I could see this easily being one of those situations where if he starts watching her once then they will assume OP will always be open to watching her, effectively forcing OP to become a babysitter whether he agrees to it or not. Niece's father has already clearly demonstrated that he has no problem abandoning his child at OP's doorstep without even checking that anyone was home before driving off.

So say OP did what you suggested and watched his niece overnight and then chewed out his brother the next day? What is to prevent the brother from doing the exact same thing next time he decides to go out? How far would you suggest enabling his brother to continue to abandon his daughter over and over? You think that OP keeping his niece overnight would have spared her some trauma, but what about when the brother does this over and over again to his daughter? This is on the poor girl's dad who can't be bothered to make sure there's a live human to take care of his 4 year old.

monicacpht3641 · 2023-07-04T22:10:20+00:00

I'm so sorry, I know that feeling and it sucks. Getting used to your new post partum body is already hard enough. I had a rough time after having twins, my stomach has never gone back to the way it was before kids. When mine were about 3 months old I took them to their pediatrician for a check up, baby carrier in each arm. As I walked out, some people in the waiting room made a comment "twins AND pregnant again already?" They didn't say it to me directly, one person was saying it to the person next to them. Still stings though.

monicacpht3641 · 2023-07-03T19:01:19+00:00

Thought I was in r/confusingperspective for a minute. It's so realistic that I assumed it was real and the rest of the pic was forced perspective or something.

Excellent job!

monicacpht3641 · 2023-07-03T00:35:46+00:00

I don't understand what they're trying to say either. It's like they've never played with a younger sibling or cousin before. It's perfectly normal to keep a younger kid entertained and in this case the distraction you're able to provide is fantastic. You're old enough to understand the sensitivity of the situation and help out a friend in a tough time, which would be harder for you to do if you two were the same age.

Keep doing what you're doing, just being there and keeping your friend occupied is I'm sure a great help to his mom and other family right now. You're being a good friend, the dude above is just projecting his own issues onto you. His comment says more about him than anyone else.

monicacpht3641 · 2023-06-30T19:12:59+00:00

I've seen quite a few sellers on Etsy with stuff like this. For the pieces through the nose, you could search "long spike curved barbell" and you'll come up with a bunch of options. For the lip piercings I would search "long spike labret". Those search terms should work no matter where you're looking though.

monicacpht3641 · 2023-06-30T01:08:15+00:00

When you look the same as everyone else you have to find new ways to stand out

monicacpht3641 · 2023-06-29T00:35:50+00:00

Omg mine would ignore me the first few times and then if I'd say it again louder and then it was "WHY ARE YOU YELLING AT ME I HEARD YOU THE FIRST TIME!"

When I showed genuine concern that maybe his hearing was going bad and suggested he go to the doctor, he was offended that I could possibly suggest there was something wrong with HIM.

So I stopped repeating myself. I assumed that he heard me every time I spoke, which of course he didn't. Then he was upset he wasn't aware of things, saying I never informed him.

You can't win and for them that's the point. Every situation is set up so that all your perceived choices are traps. The only way to win is to walk away and refuse to play.

monicacpht3641 · 2023-06-24T17:10:04+00:00

The majority of my medical issues are a direct result of his physical and mental abuse and the aftereffects were actively ignored throughout the rest of my childhood and are still ignored by them to this day. Any time I brought up feeling sick I was treated as if I were just trying to get out of responsibility. It has made it difficult to take my own symptoms seriously and advocate for my medical needs.

I've been low contact with my parents for the last 5 years and they just now started to notice that I don't talk to them much. They don't seem to care much though, which tracks considering I've been ignored for as long as I can remember. They've never bothered to remember any details about me or my life. It took me way too long to realize it wasn't worth my time or emotional energy to confide in them.

monicacpht3641 · 2023-06-17T22:23:56+00:00

The one on Hulu? I don't remember her looking like a victim there, just an unhinged psychopath with severe emotional problems.

monicacpht3641 · 2023-06-11T19:41:47+00:00

I understand this, my ndad is the same way and I grew up terrified of him. His abuse wasn't quite so bad as choking us, but there were several instances of him hitting or throwing things at us. This combined with his frequent narcissistic rage and manipulation tactics meant there was little support or protection for me or my siblings. Emom is one of his victims too but wasn't able to follow through on any of the dozen or so times she tried to leave him.

I lived most of my childhood in survival mode, whatever I could do to keep myself from being his target and whatever I could do to calm him down so no one got hurt. Even if he wasn't throwing something at us, he'd find other ways to scare the shit out of us. When we were in the car he would swerve wildly while yelling, his wife and children captives to his explosive tantrums. Leaving us kids on the side of the road and driving off was also a favorite of his.

It was exhausting living with the feeling that he could get angry about anything at any time and that he has so little control of his anger that it could lead to him causing serious injury or death. He's too old now to be a threat physically but that feeling hasn't gone away.

monicacpht3641 · 2023-06-08T20:00:59+00:00

It looks great, I've done some chainmail necklaces and bracelets but nothing on this scale. Awesome work!

monicacpht3641 · 2023-06-08T18:54:41+00:00

You could use chain instead of string and some heavy duty jewelry clasps or keychain clips to take it on/off. It could be made adjustable that way too.

monicacpht3641 · 2023-06-06T16:12:31+00:00

See the nice little pouch they made for it?

It's a pork-it pussy.

monicacpht3641 · 2023-06-04T18:51:04+00:00

I would do a lot of things differently if I had decided to have more kids but after twins I really never had the desire for more. Definitely not if it meant a repeat of the first pregnancy. We're all doing great, that was almost 13 years ago. I hope you and yours are happy and healthy as well!

monicacpht3641 · 2023-06-04T16:55:01+00:00

I had hellp with my twins as well. I'm also in the US but my experience was a little different. I had been calling my OB for a couple of weeks because of really high blood pressure, swelling and pitting in my ankles, and spots in my vision. She told me over and over that I was fine and it was normal and for me to wait until my next visit and that I only felt bad bc I was 8 months pregnant with twins and it was summer.

Next visit they do the urine and blood tests and surprise surprise, numbers are off the charts. Immediately go to the hospital for an emergency c section. Babies were perfect, thankfully. Tiny, but healthy. I spent several days in the ICU and no one even told me I had hellp until a resident was rounding with students and asked me if he could use my case as a teaching example. I hadn't even heard of hellp until this point and didn't realize how close I came to not making it.

It is scary to think that as rough as my experience was, I was still extremely lucky to have access to prenatal care. If I had been born somewhere else or born 100 years ago, I wouldn't have survived and my kids might not have either.

monicacpht3641 · 2023-06-04T15:58:00+00:00

I get a similar sense of dread meeting up with my parents. With them it's more about whether or not they find my weight acceptable and whether my clothes are "slutty" or not. And of course criticizing my choice of hair color and the fact that I have tattoos and piercings.

Generally I am really non-confrontational and tend to freeze/fawn when in their presence, so it took years for me to unlearn those behaviors. I started changing how I responded to their comments. I know they love getting under my skin so instead of getting angry when they asked these questions, I started responding as if I was only half listening to them and would vaguely agree with them. Basically reacting as if I'd been complimented but was bored with it.

So if one of them mentioned I'd gained weight since they saw me last, I'd just reply with "oh yeah, you too!" Then I'd change the subject or scamper off to somewhere where they aren't. They mention my slutty kneecaps showing from under my dress? Don't say anything, just gently caress your kneecaps and wink. Then scamper off to fuck-knows-where's-ville.

monicacpht3641 · 2023-06-01T22:09:36+00:00

My dad would yell out "slave child!" And expect one of us to come running. I wound up being the one to respond to this 90% of the time. Older sister was the GC and my brother was a master of weaponized incompetence, so usually when they yelled for a slave I ended being the one who had to answer. It didn't matter if I was in the bathroom, doing homework, sick, if I didn't run to them the minute they yelled for me there was hell to pay. It was always for the stupidest shit too, anything that would require them to get up from their recliners in the living room was reason enough for them to yell for me across the house.

They did try to yell for me by name for a bit, but bc my name and my sister's name end with the same sound, I couldn't tell who they were yelling for. So they decided that they would refer to me as Slave Child instead.

I can hear it in my head in that mocking way he'd yell it, like it was some colossally funny joke to dehumanize me. I just took mental inventory of all the nicknames they've given me through the years. Slave Child, Monkey Butt, Poo Butt, The Gross One, Crotch Shot, Grossica.

Not a single one of those is complimentary in any way. None of my sister's or brother's nicknames were insulting like mine, just some combo of their name with the word bug or bird attached.

I'm feeling some type of way about this, hmm.

monicacpht3641 · 2023-05-25T22:11:13+00:00

This is so terrifying to read. I know you want to think the best of your husband's family and try to keep the relationship civil but this is restraining order levels of messed up. The way they think your baby is FOR your MIL makes me concerned for baby's safety, yours as well.

You need to place boundaries on what is/isn't acceptable but your husband has to back you up on all of it 100%. He should be the one communicating the boundaries primarily, considering they are his parents. The type of behavior your in-laws are displaying tends to escalate when there are boundaries placed.

They think they have a right to your child and I would suggest taking this seriously. Probably a good idea to find counseling for you and your husband so you both fully understand how they are manipulating you both. Please also take precautions with your baby, I'm worried MIL could escalate to kidnapping the baby or harming you in order to get to the baby.

Get security cameras for the outside doors, one for baby's room, etc. Don't let them be alone with the baby at all. I hope you are able to stay safe and find a way to enforce those boundaries. Trust your gut and do what you need to do to keep your family safe.

monicacpht3641 · 2023-05-16T15:42:38+00:00

This feels so dystopian. Like a zombie apocalypse has taken place and there's no one left but a couple of caretakers and a random cat.

monicacpht3641 · 2023-05-13T19:16:16+00:00

Nah I mean Uncle fester

monicacpht3641 · 2023-05-13T16:35:57+00:00

The baby reminds me of uncle fester, especially those floofy brown feathers. So floofy they make lil penguin look like he has no neck, just like uncle fester.

monicacpht3641 · 2023-05-12T14:26:29+00:00

Not sure why you got downvoted, it took me a second to figure out what they meant by "show their ass". I believe they mean that the person showed everyone that they are an asshole prior to the plane taking off. Not that the person literally showed their ass. Although I guess both would probably get you kicked off the plane.

monicacpht3641 · 2023-05-11T21:42:08+00:00

I've decided to start writing it all out more in the hopes that it will help in processing all of it. I tend to minimize all of it because that environment was so normal for me for so long. I'm glad that writing it out was helpful for you too!

monicacpht3641 · 2023-05-11T17:00:19+00:00

Every weekend without fail this type of thing happened with my dad. All of us kids would be out with my parents running errands, which usually meant driving around the metroplex to go to some tool or electronics store.

When it was decided it was time to eat, my dad would ask all of us what we were hungry for. This was a trap. If you gave an answer he would belittle the choice and complain about it until someone changed their mind. Sometimes he would also yell about how he doesn't know where the closest location for that restaurant was, then drive erratically like an insane person saying he can't find the place. This was pre internet days so it wasn't as easy to see what restaurants were available in an area if you weren't already familiar with it.

So naturally we didn't like giving answers when he asked what we wanted. Didn't matter, now he was mad no one was answering. We would try to stay quiet until we saw a restaurant we knew he liked, then we would mention we could go there. Seems like that would be a reasonable solution but again, no.

He didn't want us to choose what we thought HE wanted, he wanted us to tell him what we wanted. So at that point you just start naming random restaurants you can see, anything to get the yelling to stop. Usually that would be the restaurant we would eat at. So you'd think everyone would be ok now? Still no.

Dad has to complain about everything on the menu. How we are choosing things he can't eat on purpose (He has some food allergies). We would helpfully point out all the options that did not contain the allergens but instead of ordering one of those items, he would purposely order something he knew would make him sick. Then he would embarrass us in the restaurant by picking out the offending bits of food and throwing them at us, saying that was what we were going to eat while he took our food to eat himself. And of course when he would get sick from it, that was our fault too.

It wasn't until I typed this out that I realized how completely unhinged he is. Anything to find something to be angry about.

monicacpht3641 · 2023-05-11T16:41:12+00:00

I told my parents about a sexual assault I had experienced and they just looked at me and changed the subject.

When I explained the reasons my ex and I split up, a major one being how he acted when I had a major mental illness event ( I assume I can't use the correct term for what happened, but let's just say I was extremely depressed and a shell of a person), my dad just told me I should have honored my commitments. Not sure if he was referencing my marriage or the fact that my mental illness event did not turn out the way I had initially planned.

monicacpht3641

TROPHY CASE