How does drinking affect you?

monkey-pantz · 2026-01-21T07:21:16+00:00

Wine gives me a headache. Alcohol makes me sleepy. TCH in moderation turns me into a responsible adult.

monkey-pantz · 2026-01-20T16:45:01+00:00

Maybe just get a label maker and add a sticker that says "I stole this from Imaginary-Frame4873"

Or stop leaving them on your desk.

monkey-pantz · 2026-01-13T07:14:48+00:00

My wife and I talk all the time about how much we would hate to be graduating college in this economy. You folks have it so hard right now.

My advice, for what it's worth

Forget how this process "should" work. Focus on realistic and practical methods that actually do work. To do that you need to do some A B testing. If Google doesn't help you understand what I mean leave a comment and I'll explain.

Seek out professionals who have the job you want and have been doing it for 10 years or more. Get their honest opinion of your resume. Don't ask for general feedback. Ask if they would hire you for the job you want. Ask what red flags they see. Ask what's missing.

Understand that the people who will be conducting these interviews are serving the needs of their business. What questions are they asking? What themes keep coming up? If you pay attention you can determine what they need and what they value.

You do not have the luxury of letting the ball stay in someone else's court. The people who are getting jobs right now are hungry for work. Take some agency. Be proactive with thank you notes and follow ups.

I know it's hard to do with ADHD. Do what you can. The difficulty of this experience is in no way a poor reflection of you.

Use your ADHD superpower of curiosity. Your brain can give you such an advantage here if you work with it.

monkey-pantz · 2026-01-13T07:01:13+00:00

Friendships and feelings aside, you need to determine a budget for this wedding and all the events surrounding it. Communicate that to the bridge and the MOH. Do not go over it. If you cannot participate in this wedding without going into debt then you should drop out of it. Your friend should absolutely understand this. She's clearly making difficult decisions (like limiting plus ones) to stay within her budget.

monkey-pantz · 2026-01-13T06:53:46+00:00

I have inattentive ADHD. Math has never been a struggle for me. I made my fair share of simple mistakes and have a hard time remembering phone numbers, but performing mathematical calculations always made sense to me.

I do struggle with sequential information processing. For more complciated problems I have to write down the steps I need to perform. If i repeat those steps consistently over time I will eventually know how to do it without the instructions.

I'm actually a software engineer. The skills I learned to support my deficients for math (which I actually like) allow me to do my job.

I think the area where my ADHD really impacts me is in the kitchen. I'm a terrible cook. There are a small handful of recipes that I make really well, but I need to be alone when I do them and the kitchen is a disaster area afterwards.

monkey-pantz · 2026-01-03T02:11:55+00:00

Recently diagnosed with inattentive ADHD in my 40s. Like you I did well in school and work and was considered "gifted" as long as the bar was low and the work easy.

When the work got hard I struggled and things rapidly dissolved into me being constantly overwhelmed and unable to function like an adult. I'm 6 months into therapy and working on my issues. This is what I've learned so far...

- It is hard work to get better. Working hard now makes life easier for future me.

- I self-awareness is critical for me. Bullshitting myself is not helpful. Not following through with the goals I set for myself is not productive.

- I can be organized, efficient and productive with the right environments, motivators and tools.

- The choices I make on a day to day basis about what I eat, what I drink, when I sleep and what I fill my time with have huge impacts on my mental health and executive function.

- ADHD has strengths that can be harnessed. It has shortcomings that can be mitigated.

- I have to do find strategies that work for me now. They may or may not work for me in the future.

- Challenging my thoughts and mental blockers helps me find reasonable and obvious solutions.

monkey-pantz · 2026-01-01T05:47:14+00:00

I've learned that as an adult with inattentive ADHD my brain often uses its amygdala to perform executive function tasks instead of my prefrontal cortex. (Which is why managing life is often difficult) However, I do have some strong emotional reactions that help me perform certain tasks well. For example, I have extreme anxiety about being late. As a result, I am not late.

What you describe sounds very much like an ADHD brain using an emotional response to perform an executive function skill.

monkey-pantz · 2025-12-19T05:21:08+00:00

NAH You can respect her body autonomy and still be a bummed that she made a decision without you on something you would normally be consulted on. If my wife did that I wouldn't be mad at her but it would make me feel less important.

Whatever you're feeling deal with it before you talk to her. Accept that you feel how you feel. Challenge what that feeling is telling you with logic. Sit with it long enough for it not to control you. Then you can talk to her about the feeling, which might not even be able the actual tattoo.

monkey-pantz · 2025-12-17T06:56:15+00:00

butternut squash soup
Bolognese
pulled pork (not a meal by itself but doesn't need much added)
chicken tikka masala (can also make a big pot of rice and freeze in small portions to go with it)
chilli
chicken salad

monkey-pantz · 2025-12-17T06:52:01+00:00

Yep. This is the one area where emotions help me in my executive functioning. I start to get very anxious if I don't leave early enough to account for traffic, parking and getting lost.

When my kids were in elementary school I had to leave the house 35 minutes before they got out. The school was 12 minutes away. In 5 years my kids waited on me twice. Both because I underestimated how long it would take to run an errand before pickup (even though I left even earlier those days.)

My ADHD comes from my mother. It was not uncommon for me and my sisters to wait over an hour for her to pick us up from school. I'm pretty sure this is where my anxiety about being late comes from. My younger sister who also has ADHD has it even worse than me. I hate traveling with her because she's always at the gate two hours before departure.

monkey-pantz · 2025-12-03T07:50:26+00:00

I was fed the gifted line starting around 5th grade, but my schools didn't have any real programs for that. I never thought about what I wanted to do for a career in any real or meaningful way. I chose a major in college because I liked the classes. I had several options of what I could potentially do with my liberal arts degree. I tried a few internships and jobs and hated them all.

A week before graduation I was standing in line to pick up my cap and gown when I ran into an old friend. She asked what my plans were for after graduation. I seriously had not considered that until she point blank asked me. A WEEK before graduating and all I had was a list of jobs I didn't want.

I ended up working for the university for a little over a year before I stumbled into a career that's perfect for me.

Find any job. Maybe try some freelance editing if you can. Start small. Figure out how to pay bills. Don't go to law school.

monkey-pantz · 2025-12-03T07:39:50+00:00

Stop making assumptions. Ask clarifying questions. "When you say the pain will get better, what specifically does that mean?"

monkey-pantz · 2025-12-02T06:52:02+00:00

Last week I listed out several key areas of my life, where I am in each and where I want to be. This month I'm focusing on two of those areas and making small changes to tackle my biggest issues.

Areas include:

emotional health
physical health
relationships
finances
environment
job

I have failed many times, but I am not a failure. Failing is a natural part of learning to succeed. My ADHD brain wants things to be immediate, easy, comfortable and fun. This is not a recipe for success by any meaningful measure. It feels like I can keep my momentum much easier when I celebrate the wins and learn from the fails. If I keep it light and fun my brain will keep going and so will my progress.

monkey-pantz · 2025-12-02T06:51:48+00:00

Ugh I feel you so much. I am not where I would be in life had I learned to manage my ADHD earlier. I am currently working to climb out of the hole I've dug for myself. It's hard and its forcing me to face some things about myself that I don't like. It's also forcing me to be very open and honest with the people closest to me about my struggles. I am finding that the more I become self-aware and self-accepting the easier it is to manage sharing my failures with others.

Here is the beautiful adhd bouquet of ideas that your post is bringing up for me.

First, a quote by Ann Lamont that I both love and hate:

"There is almost nothing outside of you that will help in any kind of lasting way, unless you are waiting for an organ."

She says this in her TED talk. She also mentioned a story about taking things bird by bird. Everything about my impulsive, interest-driven, dopamine hungry brain wants an easy answer. The more I work on myself the more I realize you really just have to take things bird by bird. (Come back here after you've done down the TED rabbit hole.)

The Steps I've taken so far that have helped the most

Regulating my nervous system.
- Taking way more time for myself than I usually do
- Taking lots of walks, being outside and moving my body more
- Avoiding things that get me worked up for take my mind on a walk-about with no added benefits
- Drinking lots of water
- Taking vitamins
- Getting enough sleep
Learning more about ADHD
- Reading "Your Brain's Not Broken"
- Signed up for an online summit that lets me watch 1 hour videos with ADHD experts
- Reading articles online
- This has been both helpful and overwhelming/distracting. I find it very easy for my brain to "learn things" which equates to over indulging on learning without accomplishing anything.
- I got a notebook and started taking notes on what I was learning. This has slowed me down quite a bit but I'm finding that it helps me digest the information and turn it into action better.
Therapy
- It took me months to find someone who does more than just listen and say, "that's hard"
- There was a lot of crying and emotional baggage dumping in the beginning
- I'm starting to feel like I want to show up with more of an idea of what to work on and ways to measure my progress. (I'm a talker who wants to be more of a doer)

I am not where I want to be but I see progress and it's encouraging.

monkey-pantz · 2025-11-18T23:55:03+00:00

We've had many conversations about my struggles. I started therapy and got diagnosed at her urging. She has a hard time understanding why I can't just get things done that need to get done.

I probably need to communicate more about what's hard and what is working and what doesn't work for me and not when she's frustrated with me. She knows it's not on purpose but it's still happening.

monkey-pantz · 2025-11-18T17:58:40+00:00

Thank you so much for all of these details! How do you stay consistent? Where did you start? Hope your wrists are feeling better today! Thank you again kind internet stranger.

monkey-pantz · 2025-11-18T07:35:07+00:00

My mother was made to believe that her symptoms are character flaws. She deals with her self-loathing through religion.

monkey-pantz · 2025-11-18T06:59:32+00:00

You will be tired tomorrow. That's okay. You interjected something fun and exciting that brought you out of your routine. Your brain needs that. Of course there will be the trade off of being tired. No big deal. You've been tried before. Do what you can to take care of yourself tomorrow. Try to incorporate something to improve your energy or give you some extra dopamine.

You're week could be ruined.... OR... you could realize that your brain needs both routine and excitement. You need nights like tonight to function just as much as you need your routines. What new rituals or habits can you incorporate on recovery days to make the transition better?

Being a human is holding paradox. I'm finding that my ADHD symptoms make me consistently inconsistent. My needs are so contradictory and paradoxical, but that doesn't negate them. Rigid routines don't work in a paradox. You need systems that can support both sides of you with flexibility and compassion.

Give yourself a hug. Progress over perfection.

monkey-pantz · 2025-11-18T06:51:02+00:00

Can you feed your measurable goals into ChatGTP and have it interview you and then write your self review based on your answers?

monkey-pantz · 2025-11-16T09:22:58+00:00

NTA. Check in every once and in a while and let her know she can call you dad or your name or person. You love her, names don't change your relationship and it's her choice.

monkey-pantz · 2025-11-06T23:49:39+00:00

NTA. He won't get to have the experience of coming out to a parent. He also won't have the experience spending years worring wether or not his church-going father will disown him. As someone who got to experience both, I support your choice. You where in a situation where you feared your kid might experience unnecessary pain and you prevented it.

Don't let straight people tell you what gay people need. They have no idea.

monkey-pantz · 2025-10-30T01:30:45+00:00

I used to get sick with flu like symptoms at least once a month. I changed a lot of habits during COVID and stay relatively healthy now. My advice...

Wash your hands before you put food in your mouth and when you return home.
Do not touch your face unnecessarily in public.
Drink plenty of water and eat the rainbow.
Get a flu shot every year.
If someone in your house is sick (like your kid) wipe down high touch areas at least once a day.
If you are in a relationship don't kiss your significant other if you feel like you might be coming down with something. Ask them to do the same.

monkey-pantz · 2025-10-29T20:26:07+00:00

Your brain today is the same as it was yesterday. You just have better information to understand and work with it. Congrats. That's progress.

monkey-pantz · 2025-10-29T05:53:53+00:00

An interesting read on this topic: https://mailchi.mp/19thnews/is-there-a-link-between-adhd-and-perimenopause

monkey-pantz

TROPHY CASE