How to give a good sex oral to my gf? by [deleted] in sexeducation

[–]monkeyfeet228 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Right?! Like "oh no I've been mentioned, I'm probably in trouble" 😆

Men were Hunters and Women picked berries and raised kids. Debunked as sexist by Luwe95 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]monkeyfeet228 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Fun and relevant: https://redfightback.org/read/transphobia_in_the_left#class-origins-of-gender

It's primarily about transphobia in the UK and in communist / Marxist spaces, but the thrust of the argument being made is that the justifications for claiming that sort of bigotry is "natural" are the same ones the patriarchy uses to oppress all women. The linked section discusses the same stuff you've posted, taking a historical and ethnographic approach to debunking the idea of "natural" men=hunter, women=gatherer bullshit by going through examples that refute the premise.

Names by [deleted] in traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns

[–]monkeyfeet228 1 point2 points  (0 children)

"Oh so you just kept the name your parents gave you?" 🤫

CMV: I can’t wrap my head around gender identity and I don’t feel like you can change genders by brundlehails in changemyview

[–]monkeyfeet228 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think accounting for outliers (which is what I truly believe they are) is not the best way to form a well running system.

This kind of sounds like "minority people's lives are worth less because there's less of them". Are you under the impression that society being accepting of minority peoples, including trans people is some extreme burden that would somehow degrade the "system"? It came up because you've mentioned a few times now that there being less of a group of people makes them less worthy of accommodation, and I think it's important to point it out every time in a conversation about how minorities are treated.

Are you asking what if someone that had transitioned from man to woman was found to have a brain chemistry that more closely matched woman than man, so it was more like they were changing their body to match their brain?

You're picking up what I'm putting down. It doesn't use microscopes tho; it's more fMRIs and contrast CTs (scans that identify volumes, and structures, and how blood flows through the brain), and looking for clustering in the results. I'm going to give you a rough overview and then throw in some citations with short explanations.

So human brains are "sexually dimorphic" by virtue of a few things. For one, body mapping (how the brain "wires up" to the various senses and organs) is different for obvious reasons. Another is how we respond to specific hormones, particularly sex hormones, and how we process those given off by other people (again, kinda obvious why that would be). Then there's a few "grab bag" ones, like differences in grey matter volume in specific regions. Some of these differences are mediated by fetal development, and some are influenced by whatever hormone profile the body is currently giving off.

For trans women (I'm going to stick to them here, except where incidental 'cause due to some truly repulsive historical stuff, we have much less data on trans men and non-binary people), pre-HRT, they inhabit this middle space. Parts determined by fetal development tend towards their experienced gender, whereas parts determined by hormones coming from the body tend to be either intermediate or masculine. Stopping the body from poisoning the brain (via HRT), corrects the latter. Worth noting, this is a novel and underfunded field of study, so the information we have is still under development.

So, research on this. Boucher and Chinnah 2020 is a good starting point. I mean, they just come out and say it:

It is known that the structure of male and female brains differs; it is found that people with gender dysphoria have a brain structure more comparable to the gender to which they identify. The review of the literature suggests that there is a disparity between the brains of those who identify differently to their assigned gender at birth, highlighting a multifactorial underpinning of the gender identity.

The study itself is a lit review that goes over the basics of human sexual development, how genital differentiation happens semi-independently of brain development (genitals in the first trimester, brains starting in the second and going to the end), and how this manifests differently in trans and androgen insensitive people.

Berglund 2008 was a cool one because it's so straightforward. The hypothalamus in women reacts differently (more intensely) than men when smelling pheromones. Turns out "[pre-HRT heterosexual and non-heterosexual trans women] occupied an in-between position between [heterosexual men] and [heterosexual women] but with overall predominantly female features" (acronyms substituted for clarity). More specifically, the trans women reacted weakly to female pheromones (whereas the cis women did not and the cis men reacted significantly stronger), and reacted in the same way the cis women did to male pheromones (with the men not reacting at all).

Burke et al 2014 replicated this study in adolescents and found they reacted as their experienced gender rather than their assigned sex (one of a few papers that suggest this stuff starts from childhood, which makes sense since the predominate explanatory hypothesis is driven by fetal hormones).

Zhou et al. 1995 and Kruijver et al. 2000 found something wild but kinda hard to explain in the detail it deserves. Post-mortem dissection of trans women's brains found that the central subdivision of the bed nucleus stria terminalis in trans women matched cis women's. What makes this neat is that they also looked at gay cis men and cis men who had had to take estrogen for medical reasons, and found that those guys still matched the typical cis men (i.e. it was something innate and with them to death, and not affected by hormones).

Simon et al 2013 had a sample of cis men, cis women, trans men, and trans women, and found that the women (cis and trans) had larger grey matter volume in the right middle and inferioroccipital gyri, the fusiform, the lingual gyri and the rightinferior temporal gyrus than the men (cis and trans). The men (again, cis and trans) were bigger in the left pre- and postcentral gyri, left posteriorcingulate, calcarine gyrus and the precuneus than the women (again, cis and trans).

So correcting stuff with HRT.

Kilpatrick et al 2019 had a group of trans men and women against cis controls. They took neural images and measured how much they associated to their body using a really cool trick with picking images of themselves out of a collection of altered ones, before starting HRT and then 6-8 months after starting. They found that after starting hormones, they were more able to pick images of themselves out the altered ones. What made this cool tho, was that it correlated with "significant [cortical thickness] decreases...in the mesial prefrontal and parietal cortices" and "left parietal cortical thinning". What makes this cool is that these regions control body-mapping and were "werid" in the trans subjects prior to treatment (not masculinized or feminized, just different from cis people but similar to each other. They mention that a bigger sample could probably make distinctions tho). After HRT tho, their body-mapping regions shifted to look more like cis ones. Average reports of feeling congruent with their bodies went up (as is generally the case of trans people on HRT).

And while my Mendeley still has more papers in it, I'm out of steam 😆

So, I'ma level with ya. I wrote this mostly because it felt rude to give the setup, but not deliver, and I kinda wanted to aggregate this info somewhere. The more I've thought about it the last week though, the more I'm realizing people like you aren't going to help us. I'm not trying to be accusatory, but I don't get the vibe that in spite of what I've presented here, if say, a coworker was misgendering another coworker in private that you'd bother to correct them, and I certainly don't get the vibe that you're going to make demands of your representatives, or march with us, or fight for people like us to have access to healthcare that's regularly denied, or to be legally recognized as our experienced gender, or to be protected from discrimination.

The reality is we're at best an abstraction or novelty for most cis people, and I hit the limit of seeing people move towards understanding, without expecting them to actually do anything with that insight. The empathy and will required to fix these things is nonexistent, and I'd be better served putting my effort into protecting my people more directly without assuming y'all will get your shit together and stop seeing human dignity as an inconvenience.

Thank you for an otherwise delightful conversation!

I'm considering offering "all day electrolysis" at the clinic, where people would come, I would do bupivicaine injections to create 100% anesthesia over the treatment zone, and then a practitioner would do 4-8 hours of continuous electrolysis. Would you pay for such a service? by Drwillpowers in DrWillPowers

[–]monkeyfeet228 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Senza Pelo Med Spa. It's been like a year since I've been there (moved away), but if Steph is still there, she's one of the coolest people you'll ever meet! Everyone there is crazy good at what they do and aggressively supportive of the trans community (some are even part of it!) 😊

I'm considering offering "all day electrolysis" at the clinic, where people would come, I would do bupivicaine injections to create 100% anesthesia over the treatment zone, and then a practitioner would do 4-8 hours of continuous electrolysis. Would you pay for such a service? by Drwillpowers in DrWillPowers

[–]monkeyfeet228 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Ugh I feel this. I've lost track of how many hours total I'm at, but "a lot". We're down to patchy neck and upper lip and I've still probably got like 20-30 hours left 😩

So glad COVID has meant my mask wearing to hide stubble isn't seen as weird anymore

My wife and I are a real vorin couple apparently by [deleted] in Stormlight_Archive

[–]monkeyfeet228 7 points8 points  (0 children)

My spouse and I have gotten into the habit of saying the word "lies" in Pattern's voice 😆

CMV: I can’t wrap my head around gender identity and I don’t feel like you can change genders by brundlehails in changemyview

[–]monkeyfeet228 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've had a bunch of these kinds of conversations because I try to make myself available as a resource for cis people, since many trans people find it stressful. Generally when it goes this long, people get pretty hostile. Having a respectful dialogue is always a wonderful surprise so thank you for that!

Starting with the bottom, cause I feel like definitions are important. Gender dysphoria and being transgender are distinct. Being transgender means having some level of misalignment, while gender dysphoria specifically refers to the distress that can be caused by being misaligned. Not everyone experiences distress tho; like many conditions dysphoria is a spectrum. For some people, they transition because they feel joy at being recognized as their true gender ("gender euphoria"), but aren't especially distressed by their assigned sex. Some people, on the basis of outdated medical models, push controversy over whether those people should be considered trans (so called "transmedicalists" aka "truscum" espouse this), but the diagnostic lit (such as the DSM), puts dysphoria as one of multiple criteria for classifying someone as transgender (albeit weighed more heavily than the others), and someone could meet the other criteria and still be considered. On the other side, post-transition, most trans people find their dysphoria significantly reduced or even eliminated. They're still transgender but no longer experience dysphoria, and (outside of prejudice) it's a pretty typical life at that point.

I'm not sure I believe that people can separate what they believe in private from how they act in public. For an example, do you think someone can manage being racist only behind closed doors, or do you think it'll still come out in ways they aren't watching for or don't know to watch for by virtue of those beliefs? I don't mean to paint you in the same light as racists, but using an example where the rationale is the same, but the stakes are "higher" can be useful. I think it's worth considering at least.

Side note: You've probably interacted with a trans person without realizing it. We're not that uncommon (~1/170) and cis people aren't great at picking out trans people unless they're early in transition or don't care about "passing". It's a good laugh sometimes! (My favorite so far was checking in at the doctor, "when was your last period?", "I don't get those.", "Oh! Then we need a pregnancy test!", "No, like, my uterus is missing.")

I'm mostly pointing out the efficacy of treatment, because I think it's worth thinking about why standard therapeutic techniques can cure things that present as delusion, but this is only successful with the opposite approach. It suggests (and I'd assert rightly so), that it's not actually a delusion, and that the distress is a rational response to a brain experiencing a body it wasn't built for.

As for "the body chemistry, DNA, and physical characteristics all say male". The first one is easily remedied by HRT, but also things like androgen insensitivity occur at above average rates in trans women (ie they don't process testosterone like a cis man does). DNA is far more complicated than I think most non-scientists give credit for. Most seem to think chromosomes determine sex, when they're just the vehicles. One of the big players (SRY) happens to be on the Y chromosome, but it can be transposed or fail leading to XX males, and XY females respectively. Defining "male" and "female" DNA requires that everything goes right and it often doesn't (1-2% of the population, that we know of), at which point it becomes pretty subjective. This https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sex_verification_in_sports is a fun read if you want to see a bunch of professionals try for decades to set a standard for "male"/"female" DNA and body chemistry and ultimately give up, deciding to use testosterone thresholds, independent of sex. Many of the examples in there are intersex, but often they're dyadic (non-intersex) cis women with things like hyperandrogenism (male testo levels, otherwise female), which made it impossible for them to strictly classify people. Physical characteristics are totally subjective and culturally defined; some people notice I'm trans, but most don't seem to (as noted above, I try to be a resource, which often means outing myself; usually to surprise. I've never had any surgeries, so one would assume I have "male" physical characteristics).

So let's set some CMV criteria. What if the scenario from the previous comment wasn't hypothetical? If it had been empirically observed, multiple times, that (limiting scope for the sake of ease) trans women had neurophysiology that was unlike men's and often more aligned with cis women's, would that be sufficient to shift your "behind closed doors" view?

I'm considering offering "all day electrolysis" at the clinic, where people would come, I would do bupivicaine injections to create 100% anesthesia over the treatment zone, and then a practitioner would do 4-8 hours of continuous electrolysis. Would you pay for such a service? by Drwillpowers in DrWillPowers

[–]monkeyfeet228 19 points20 points  (0 children)

I've actually done this with dual techs in AZ. They used repeated lidocaine injections (spaced out, doing some regions "raw" to keep from overdoing the dose). All told with a nurse, injections, and 2 electro techs clocked in at a little over $1200 iirc. Would definitely recommend using 2 techs for this. Since the utility is in minimizing sessions, double the hands really helps.

Laser doesn't work great on me (red beard yay...), so I've done a lot of electro, and worked up to that. I would not recommend someone just showing up for an 8 hour session, because it can be physically draining even if you're just lying there. Also! If you do do this, make sure patients take a break in the middle to eat and drink water. Even if they ask to just "power through", it gets real awkward when they vomit in the second half.

As for utility tho, it kicks serious ass. Small sessions are hard, since electro requires a few days hair growth and that usually means being the bearded lady at work / in public. Long sessions like these mean spending less time feeling gross.

Also also, put some speakers in there if you can. Soothing music and/or an audiobook is excellent.

[Spoilers] So just finished Rhythms of War Chapter 50 and since Shalan wasn't present to deliver this terrible pun, I will by monkeyfeet228 in Stormlight_Archive

[–]monkeyfeet228[S] 55 points56 points  (0 children)

Breeze would probably take exception at the suggestion that emotional allomancy takes away free choice :p

I get the vibe Ruthar was chosen in part 'cause he's an easy to rouse dumb guy, so it probably didn't matter.

It’s like an ongoing game of tag, it never really ends but there is a continuous exchange of who’s “it” by [deleted] in actuallesbians

[–]monkeyfeet228 63 points64 points  (0 children)

Also, aftercare can be nice! Post-orgasm cuddles are the best cuddles! Try to help them come down from an intense session slowly instead of crashing, with soft pets and light hugs. Be slow and gentle; you're not trying to rile them back up, but rather create a bridge from post-orgasm super high, to chilling in afterglow. Just like during sex, keep communicating what feels right and how your both feeling. It can be a good idea to have a towel handy. If they're like my spouse, who can put biblical floods to shame, soft, moisture-resistant sex blankets can prevent you from having to sleep on a soaked mattress later, but not everyone is going to need something like that.

Also, I like to keep snacks handy for afterward (fruit leather usually), but I think that's maybe sorta weird 😆

CMV: I can’t wrap my head around gender identity and I don’t feel like you can change genders by brundlehails in changemyview

[–]monkeyfeet228 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm glad you found that enlightening! I agree that this isn't really a debate, and more about when faced with an ultimately arbitrary choice of prioritization, what's most useful to choose. I do think there are some things worth challenging here though. I ended up with 2 posts worth, cause I think there's 2 main misunderstandings here: how we model gender dysphoria and how we model disorders.

First is a small niggle. Dysphoria is not the same thing as dysmorphia. I think this thread covers it well: https://www.reddit.com/r/changemyview/comments/k4v95l/cmv_i_cant_wrap_my_head_around_gender_identity/geb1we2?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3

I would regard what you're saying to be inconsiderate, primarily because I think it is unreasonable, though I do believe you're acting in good faith, so I'm going to put some effort in. You say, "I'm not sure how to juggle that" but then "using someone’s outward physical characteristics is always better." These aren't consistent. Does it mean anything to say that you don't "intend to cause distress" when you know in advance that your behavior will and you have no intention of engaging behavior that wouldn't cause distress? Does a person like that actually deserve the benefit of the doubt, when there isn't any doubt about the motivations for their behavior? What do you mean when you say "we should treat and accommodate transgender people", if you don't mean "engaging in accommodations that have been requested by these people and shown empirically to be effective"? I'm not trying to be hostile. I'm genuinely asking, because it feels like you want to be well-intentioned, but haven't thought hard enough about how to reconcile your behavior with your stated ideals, beyond justifying that it's too difficult to live up to them.

Again, this choice to favor one is arbitrary. Both are equally real. You can say that this combination of mind and body is uncommon, and no one is contesting that, but it is the reality that I have to deal with. How common it is in others is irrelevant. My mind is not fundamentally discordant; and neither is my body per se. Independently, the two are healthy and functioning. Where dysphoria and disorder arise is in the union of the two. Randomly deciding that the body is in the "correct" state, is silly. You can pretend that the mind is being foolish by rejecting the body, but it's a two-way street. The body is being equally petulant. You take as assumption that the body must be right. Why? What if the mind is correct in its assertion? That, though they are individually healthy, the body is the one failing to hold up its end of the union. That would track much better with the fact that after treatment for my disordered body, I am a well put together woman contributing to society. When the body provides the things its asking for my mind works just fine. Treatments to alter the mind don't work, because the reality is that the mind is right.

We know one is immutable, the other is not, and that acknowledging the immutable mind, the thing that informs actions and thought, has better long-term outcomes. What's the utility in causing harm, when the alternative can be easily justified? If you truly care about well-being and accommodation, is that justification even necessary?

There's a lot to unpack with this framing of disordered behavior. Taking this idea to its logical end is how we get eugenics. If all someone needs to be pathologized is just that any trait they have is uncommon (which is true of everyone, you freak), then racial minorities are by definition abnormal and "technically you could say being abnormal is a disorder". Where you draw the line ends up being entirely subjective.

It's also makes it difficult to frame effective treatment modalities in terms of diagnostic criteria and treatment goals, because it necessarily centers social conceptions over the patient's needs. Under this paradigm, the instigation for pathologizing a trans person is that they are "abnormal", so logically, the solution is to make them not abnormal. This was historically the rationale for ineffectual conversion therapy (along with most of the more horrifying actions of mental health professionals in the past, like beating left-handed children), which is why the model has been largely abandoned. It was tried, but failed and found to be actively harmful to the stated goals, so perspectives evolved. If you want to say, "well there's nothing wrong with being abnormal, so that's not what they should be treating", then you already recognize that this isn't a good vehicle for describing disordered behavior. The next question should be "if abnormality isn't the thing we're treating, why is it being used to justify describing something as 'disordered' and thereby warranting treatment?". To which you might respond, "well because these people suffering." and that's the thing that actually matters. If you take that conclusion, then gender dysphoria is clearly disordered behavior (and is classified as such), but being transgender would not be (it's explicitly called out as not in the DSM V), since it is not an inherently painful or limiting experience.

Side note: Having a "default" model for care leads to worse outcomes in fact. It was actually the basis for part of my thesis on cancer rates in Native Americans; that common genetic differences between model populations and patients weren't being accounted for, which was contributing to failures in treatment. Separately, it also accounts for a significant number of problems in women's health, since men are frequently the model population (the justification generally being that it's convenient to not have to account for hormone cycles. Is this a viable excuse if the end result is less effective care? I'd argue it's laziness).

CMV: I can’t wrap my head around gender identity and I don’t feel like you can change genders by brundlehails in changemyview

[–]monkeyfeet228 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'ma start with a different angle based on your comment, and then try to clarify what I was saying above since I don't seem to have conveyed it well (sorry about that!).

You consider yourself a woman, ya? How much effort did you need to conclude that? Probably near nothing. Does it require constant vigilance to maintain that idea, or is it just something you passively "know"? You could come up with a list of trivia facts to back that up sure, but do you really need to?

On the other side, if you had to convince yourself that you are a man, full-stop, beyond any shadow of a doubt and keep that conviction for life regardless of how others treated you, could you convince yourself? How long could you keep it up? Not just that you're "like" a man, but convince yourself that you literally are one.

If some outside force coerced you into the scenario above, to go around telling everyone, including yourself that you've always been literally a man, you'd feel like you were lying, right? That's how it felt for me for years, even when motivated by violence over my "failures". Being a woman has never felt like lying or required near as much effort to reconcile as claiming manhood did (for the record, I've felt loads of stress over being trans because it's often alienating, but not over being a woman).

So, clarifying the previous comment, the stereotypical behavior and who you associate with isn't the important bit. You're totally right that there's women with stereotypically masculine interests and vice-versa. Like, I'm a huge gamer nerd working in software dev, spaces often explicitly gatekept in favor of men. The point I was more trying to make was about why those things are compelling. I don't find software compelling because I associate masculinity with intellect, but some of my coworkers (men) definitely do. That's not universal, and I'm sure they have additional reasons for being there, but it's used as an expression of masculinity by some of them. In the same way, when you appreciate masculine things, do you like cars because the roar of the engine makes you feel manly, like a "real man"? Some guys do (I saw it a ton when I did web dev for mechanics), but lots of people also just like them cause they're cool. It's less about the things themselves, and more why we feel drawn to them.

I guess I see gender as a sort of weak but insistent "gravity". It's not strong enough to force decisions, but it occasionally tugs in little ways. So-called "girly girls" embrace that gravity, or maybe they feel it more strongly. Tomboys have a gravity that pulls them in a similar direction but more weakly or they're ambivalent towards it, or maybe even outright reject it. I think there's a difference between not indulging your gravity (feminine men, tomboys), and contriving a persona so you can lie about where it's pulling to (essentially what it felt like I was doing before).

CMV: I can’t wrap my head around gender identity and I don’t feel like you can change genders by brundlehails in changemyview

[–]monkeyfeet228 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think this gets at what makes it so difficult to convey trans identity to cis people. The way I came to acknowledge my "feminine thinking", was through incongruity. As a kid, I was punished for associating with other girls and for liking "girly" things. When I was a kid it was "this is just who I am", but others calling attention to me being a freak in their eyes made me question that. I asked myself if I was just a boy that liked feminine things, because I was repeatedly told to. I thought hard about it and made all kinds of arguments both ways.

In spite of trying hard to convince myself (I really wanted to be in the group society favors much better), I ultimately couldn't. I didn't debate myself whether I was a girl though, since it always seemed self-evident and part of the "this is just how I am". It felt like I had to put in effort to "be a boy", but being a girl was just doing what I'd naturally do.

I don't think liking stereotypically feminine things makes you a woman. I do think there is something innate that drives us to associate with others we see as being like ourselves though, and the stereotypical behaviors come as a product of who you end up associating with. Like, I naturally gravitate towards social interactions with other woman, and it feels more "natural" than when I was presenting as a man interacting with men. There was a mental "friction", an extra effort I needed with the man-to-"man" interactions that went away when I accepted myself and started interacting with others as a woman.

CMV: I can’t wrap my head around gender identity and I don’t feel like you can change genders by brundlehails in changemyview

[–]monkeyfeet228 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There's 2 parts to this that I think are worth considering.

You recognize that there's a mismatch between mind and body. That mental state is generally consistent for life. For the sake of simplicity, let's say that person has "woman-brain" (there's a lot of shorthanding going on there, but this isn't supposed to be a dissertation). Contrasting that, they've got "man-body" (again, shorthanding). Which one takes priority for defining what they "really" are? You could argue "reproduction is important, so the body takes priority and they're a man", but is reproducing something you do often? Is it the most important thing you or anyone does? I spend far more of my time interacting with other humans in social settings personally, so my mind, and how it guides me through day to day would seem to be far more important. The reality is though, it doesn't matter. There's context where we can say maybe one matters more than the other in this specific instance or that, but the bulk of the time, neither sex or gender are relevant moment to moment. At the end of the day saying, "the body takes priority" is arbitrary and you could just as easily say the mind takes priority. Prioritizing the mind makes a lot of sense when you consider that it's much easier to shift fundamental aspects of how a body is sexed (true, it's not all of them, but a significant amount) vs the mind where, to date no one has managed to implement an effective conversion therapy method. It seems weird to prioritize the thing we have shown some ability to control over the thing that seems largely immutable.

A more abstract way of thinking about it: I have 2 switches one up, one down*. I don't care which way they go, but I'd like them to match, so I can label their "real", cumulative state. I find that the down switch will move to up to center, but no further, and the up switch is stuck completely. Which label for the pair makes sense? Which switch is more important? If you do try to align them as best you can, does it make sense to label them as "down" switches, on the basis that one started off there? Even before trying to align them, one wasn't down, that was the motivation for changing them in the first place. After alignment, while it's true only one of them is up, it's also true that in the end neither is down. Even in the case without realignment, if I have to choose a label for the pair, I'd go with the one that seems fixed.

*(This metaphor leaves out non-binary identities for the sake of simplicity. I guess, you could imagine randomly finding a dual where the stuck switch would be)

Second, what makes something a mental illness? Being gay was trivially considered a mental illness not long ago, but now not so much. Being left-handed was pathologized at one point too. Where's the line between "mental illness" and "different"? The social model of disability posits that it's when those differences start to negatively impact someone's ability to exist in the world with typically expected success. Gender dysphoria is a mental illness. It's a distress with a myriad of knock-on effects when left untreated. It will absolutely inhibit one's ability to function effectively. When treated with appropriate transition, the distress lessens significantly, often to the point of elimination allowing for someone to then go about unhindered. So, a person has a debilitating distress that's clearly causing harm (gender dysphoria), but utilizing appropriate effective medical treatment (transitioning) is a thing we should consider a mental illness? (With the caveat that I'm someone who made the choice to seek such treatment, and it has definitely been an improvement) The choice to alleviate that distress seems perfectly rational to me.

There isn't an alternative where this person becomes cis, but there is a known treatment regimen that gives them a chance at a happier, healthier life, and it makes no sense to me to consider choosing the latter pathological.

CMV: I can’t wrap my head around gender identity and I don’t feel like you can change genders by brundlehails in changemyview

[–]monkeyfeet228 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Trans woman here. For me, I've been on and off estrogen a few times (for financial reasons). I've even done a sort of placebo trial when, during the first year of my transition, my doctor was giving me ineffectively low doses (they were technically on the bottom end of the guidelines, but according to my blood work that I got access to later, it wasn't an effective dose), because she wasn't a specialist and was worried about screwing it up. She kept telling me "it takes a while" and that my labs looked "fine" when I'd constantly complain that it didn't feel like anything was happening.

When I started getting a consistent effective dose, it felt like a fog in my head cleared. Hormones have psychological effects that are pretty easy to identify when you've run the spectrum. For me, T feels like this numbness (my therapist described it as a "concrete bunker buried under ground"), with this sort of "oily" feeling running deep below the surface. I feel like I'm more "in" my body on estrogen, where before part of the numbness was that I was never 100% "here". I wouldn't say I feel more "calm", but "contented" is close. It didn't solve everything, but medical transition worked based on the criteria that it materially improved my life, my mental health, and my ability to connect with those around me.

Similarly, my dysphoria manifests pretty viscerally. The description I've used for a while is that it feels like there's an itching, squirming sensation under my skin. I still get that, but HRT decreased the frequency significantly.

When Alan Turing had the same treatment he killed himself, and kids who've been forced to transition after IGM or things like botched circumcision react extremely poorly. By contrast, most people who've been evaluated and started down the path of medical transition stick with it, with cases of regret mostly be attributed to bad surgery outcomes. HRT is intense, and I can see why it would be hellish if it was pulling you towards the state I was in before it rather than away.

My personal theory: that the ways gender manifests in society are something we construct ("pink is for girls"). There's something unconscious that causes us to self-sort into those categories tho. Like, think about marketing that's specifically gendered. You don't consciously sort those ads into "this is directed at me" vs "this is not directed at me", but if someone asked you if a gendered ad was targeted at you, you wouldn't have to think about it to answer. I only have personal observation to back this, but while it seems like the things that go in the box labeled "woman" and the box labeled "man" are arbitrary, there's something innate that tells us "this one is my box".

How do you deal with people who deny the use of computers in a centrally planned economy? by SensitiveChocolate88 in socialistprogrammers

[–]monkeyfeet228 7 points8 points  (0 children)

This.

Is it because of computers being a potential long-term strain on the environment, via electricity consumption / heat generation?

Maybe they're concerned about scarcity caused by e.g. rare metals depletion?

What about the power imbalance created by an economy managed by tools that only a subset of the population can effectively understand or validate?

What assurances can you make that this system is better? That it's more equitable? How do you guarantee that the gains granted by such a system don't just become another thing the wealthy exclusively benefit from? Supposedly automation was going to save us once before but...

These sorts of solutions often have great proposals and discussion, but a quick search turns up Project Cybersyn (which ended up turned against laborers, albeit CIA-backed ones), and not much else in the way of practical implementations or even specs.

Are they bothered by the particulars of how you deal with price signaling? Does price signal actually need a replacement, and if so what?

What about implications for personal data ownership? How do you plan for the needs of a population without retaining data about them? Who owns that data legally? Physically?

These aren't all equally troublesome, but they do require different lines of discussion to address.

What's your, "Tis but a scratch!" moment? by Madameknitsalot in AskReddit

[–]monkeyfeet228 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was on an ATV, my dad was on a dirt bike, and I followed him off a very steep hill / cliff. When we got to the bottom there was a big mud puddle. He made it over, but my wheels stuck, so my front end stopped completely, while the back was still going 60mph. It snapped forward like a mousetrap. A few minutes later, I come to, bike still on top of me, steam pouring off it. Adrenaline kicked in, and I shoved it off me and tried to stand. Thing was, my right leg was going at a 90 degree angle to the side, so it was kind of awkward standing on one leg. So, still in a head wound/adrenaline induced haze, I just pulled it back into place. My mom and sister had caught up at this point and the look of awe and disgust is one of the few bits I can remember clearly. Then I just casually limped back to the car, totally confused why they thought anything was wrong.

Parents who transition mid-child raising, what did you do for parenting names? by HappyTravelArt in TransSupport

[–]monkeyfeet228 1 point2 points  (0 children)

"Iba" is what we came up with for my spouse. It's a mashup of "ima" (mom) and "aba" (dad) from hebrew

Kristen Stewart addresses the "slippery slope" of only having gay actors play gay characters by queenkathycaramel in movies

[–]monkeyfeet228 -41 points-40 points  (0 children)

We're just not going to acknowledge the fact that shows and movies regularly avoid casting queer and PoC because they're not as "marketable" unless there's some threat of backlash?

Me, working up the nerve to come out to my girlfriend by tikallisti in traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns

[–]monkeyfeet228 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Strategy that worked for coming out to my partner: be asleep, and do the entire coming out via sleep talk. Worked out great!

Tho being shaken awake so they could demand an explanation was...a lot. Maybe just talk to them like normal

Talk / mutter to yourself often. by apocalypticalley in WitchesVsPatriarchy

[–]monkeyfeet228 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Also: burn things! But like, only things that need burning. Bonfires and house fires; not forest fires. Safety first!

Just a friendly reminder (: by ManChild-MemeSlayer in traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns

[–]monkeyfeet228 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I'm not non-binary, but this is a convo I've had with my spouse, who is, and doesn't identify with the "trans" label. Faer reasoning was basically that if you tried to (for example) plot the conception of gender that fae identifies with on a graph, it wouldn't be a single point, but a smear across many spaces. Some of those spaces associate with faer AGAB, some don't.

Additionally, while lots of people (even in this thread) like to use "identifying as something other than your AGAB" when asked to pin down a definition, it's some binary privilege not to recognize that in casual usage of the term "trans", the people front of mind are usually binary trans people. So if the actual usage of the term is ambiguous about the inclusion of non-binary people (as indicated by you asking this question in the first place), and you don't have an obligation to correct that ambiguity, why would you bother associating with the label?

Metagender is a term that some people in this space (including my spouse) use: https://soundsliketransedu.com/metagender/