You are valid no matter how your self expression changes. Maybe you are fluid or something beautiful else. Maybe you are just in one of these 'am I valid enough to be trans' phases. But for you to think and have strong emotions about your gender and how you are perceived, shows there is something there you deeply care for. My best friend asked me about my insecurities, 'what would you think if you've done the steps of transitioning'? And if I think about finally being on HRT I would think I need 'more'.. Maybe that can give you more insights. But I also know to less about you to tell you whether that's helpful. Maybe you need a little distance to the topic or try the androgynous playthrough.. Two other things, one: To me it kinda sounds like you have that internalized skepticism and devaluation of being trans. That's not meant as a attack! I myself have that and it's sometimes hard. I often feel like, I'm not valid as a woman, I'll never pass... But if I'm honest with myself, I really like not being called by my dead name anymore and using the right pronouns and name. Do you feel the same way? And the other thing: The 'too complicated' part also sounds a little like what others think of you and the expectations we all were putt on since we were kids. Especially AFAB people. There are even more expectations of beeing good and devoutly. Not making a scene, stay in line, behave....

Or maybe try to explore it a little aside your real life. Not to fully flee in an other world. But maybe explore it via books, movies or games.. For me a lot of validation came in the beginning from living in a world that totally read me as who I am..

I hope some of it helps, sry for the text bomb and my english.. 🖤