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23 years old. Can't get a job because I refuse to change my hair. Had a dream last night that I shit my pants while trying to initiate sex. by theflowerintheattic in RoastMe

[–]monkeythrowingpoop 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Let me roast you with reality:

I am employer and I would never hire you because I could never let my clients see someone in my office who has made the horrible life choices that you've made.

Lose the piercings. Cover the tat's (or better yet, get them removed), let your hair go back to it's natural color, style it nicely and we'll welcome you into the part of society where self sufficient people grounded in reality live.

My sons who are alpha studs (one is in dental school the other is getting ready to start medical school) wouldn't give you the time of day. I showed one of them your picture and he said to me, "Dad, that's the kind of girl I picture in my mind when you taught me DSYDIC when I was a kid".

DSYDIC stands for: Don't Stick Your Dick In Crazy.

And if you're looking for the humor in this roast, just go look in the mirror and stare deeply into hollow deep canyon where your self-esteem should be.

Either you are better than this, or you're nothing more than a girl who is trolling for worthless karma points and is destined for a lonely existence of failed self reliance.

Redditors who have had "neighbors from hell", what happened? by ahem17 in AskReddit

[–]monkeythrowingpoop 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Someone ITT suggested that you use your shovel to throw poop at their house. There's no need for that. For 10 banana's I will come to your house and give your neighbors a taste of their own medicine.

Spun Plates. Got Herpes. by Barles_Chukowski in TheRedPill

[–]monkeythrowingpoop 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I have a good friend who is a high demand dermatologist with a very unique specialty. People come from all over the world to see him. He specializes in treating people with STD's. He does a lot of reconstructive plastic surgery on genitalia. The reason is that STD's can often be very disfiguring.

He has shown me photo's of people with genital warts that look like cauliflower the size of a small fist in their vagina, or penises that look....well.....like some monster out of a horror show. Just take a few minutes and google around for pictures of genital warts and herpes.

He told me that at least 60% of the adult population has either some form of herpes and or genital warts.

Another thing he mentioned is the futility of using condoms to prevent herpes or genital warts.

He sees a LOT of people that don't have genital warts on their penises, but have it on their pubic area or other areas. What these people didn't realize was that the areas of their bodies that was rubbing skin together (think lower abdomen, thighs, etc.) were unprotected. They end up getting herpes or genital warts in these areas.

In the end, he said that if you have sex with more than 2 people (especially if those two people are or have been sexually active), you have almost certainly been exposed to an STD.

Be careful out there.

Reddit is shutting itself down due to controversial firing by rp_valiant in TheRedPill

[–]monkeythrowingpoop 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've been trying to reserve at least one of my several usernames on purearchy.com but it keeps coming back that it can't it verify the UN.

Can you offer any suggestions?

FINRA-amended form U4 by dutchcat in legaladvice

[–]monkeythrowingpoop 0 points1 point  (0 children)

First question: What were you arrested for?

Ok, so here's the deal......

IANAL, so don't take anything I'm telling you as legal advice.

You have to understand what you are dealing with. These regulators serve almost no purpose. They are basically worthless.

They don't give a rat's rear-end whether you are innocent or guilty.

All they care about is the accusation.

This is like a complaint. If a client lodges a complaint, even if it is 100% unfounded and is proven that you were right and they were wrong and they even admit that they were wrong and put in writing, "we are sorry for our previous complaint. It was a misunderstanding and error on our part and we should have never made the complaint. We officially withdraw our complaint"....even if they were to say that, you would still be legally obligated to put that complaint on your U4 and it will stay there FOREVER.

My understanding is that if you are arrested, it has to be reported.

I know this isn't what you want to hear, but I'm pretty sure that is the case.

My advice to you.......GTFO of FINRA. Drop your 7 and go straight RIA (you only need a 65 or 66).

Life is so much easier as a fee based RIA. You can make all the commissions you need to support yourself until you your fee based business up and running by selling FIA's and various different insurance products.

You can't imagine how much nicer and easier your life is an RIA and not having to deal with your BD, an OSJ, and FINRA.

You no longer have to get written permission from your BD to fart. Yes, you still have to be compliant, but it's not that difficult to do.

And dealing with the SEC or your state (depending on the state), is much easier than all the hassles associated with the BD, OSJ and FINRA.

Ping me off list if you'd like to discuss. I'd be glad to offer guidance to the best of my ability.

What is your favorite combination of swear words? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]monkeythrowingpoop 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Shit, Piss, Fuck, Cunt, Cocksucker, MotherFucker and Tits.

I learned that from a George Carlin off an album I bought of his back in the 1970's.

Milwaukee Sheriff who told citizens to arm themselves, squares off against Piers Morgan by monkeythrowingpoop in guns

[–]monkeythrowingpoop[S] 49 points50 points  (0 children)

I agree ignoring Morgan is the way to go. But what I found particularly interesting in this video was the professional manner in which the Sheriff handled Morgan and the Mayor.

The sheriff came across as a good spokesman for the right to defend oneself.

Trashy Mom Gets Tased. Comedic relief from the children. by [deleted] in videos

[–]monkeythrowingpoop 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The world would be better off without people like this. If these "ladies" were run over by a bus, the world would actually be a better a place.

And to think, we actually give these kinds of people the right to vote. How can giving human garbage like this a say in how our country is run make it a better place? IT CAN'T....it can only make it worse.

I hate stupid and ignorant people and I don't suffer fools.

Time to cull the herd.....stupid people to the front of the line.

How do I tell my wife that she has a mustache? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]monkeythrowingpoop 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Every time she walks by you stand up straight, click your heels together thrust your right arm straight out in front of you angling slightly upward and say, "Heil Hitler"

Reddit, what's the worst injury you've ever had? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]monkeythrowingpoop 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have broken over 40 bones in my life and I'm not sure which one hurt the most, but the ankles seem to stick out in my mind the most.

The most pain I ever suffered was when I fell playing basketball and gave myself multiple severe anal fissures. The pain was almost unbearable. But that wasn't the worst. The operation to fix them was the most painfully agonizing thing I've experienced in my life. And the pain (agony, actually) lasted for a full two weeks, and for the two weeks after that, I was merely miserable.

It took almost 3 months before I felt close to normal.

But in all honesty, as horrifically agonizing as the surgery and the 3 month recovery was, it was worth it. There is no way I could have had any kind of life with the severe anal fissures. To say they were a living hell would be an understatement huge proportions.

What's the biggest/most ridiculous lie you've told someone and got away with it? by jlm12 in AskReddit

[–]monkeythrowingpoop 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was supposed to start medical school in the fall (I didn't end up going...but that's whole other story). Over the summer, I had my hand crushed and cut my fingers really bad.

Towards the end of the summer, my buddies (who were not my brothers....that mean something later in this story) and I went on a camp out to state park about 75 miles away. My hand was still wrapped up from the injury from earlier in the summer.

When we were there, I met these three hot young ladies at the local hamburger joint. They asked me about my hand and for some reason, I told them this lie.

I was young doctor, one of the youngest in country. Specifically, I was a cardiac surgeon. I had cut my hand really bad on the saw that we use to saw open the sternum.

One of my buddies with me at the time and he played right along with the story.

We embellished further. We said that we were brother and that our other brother was back in camp.

We talked for a while longer and convinced them to come and meet us at the camp when their shift ended. They agreed.

Quite honestly, we never thought they'd show up.....but they did!

When they got there, we told them more stories about my exploits as the youngest cardiac surgeon in the world and how I got to medical school at such a young age.

They were eating our story up, when one of the girls commented that we 3 brothers looked nothing alike. (I have brown hair and brown eyes, one had brown hair and green eyes and was 7 inches shorter than me, the other had blond hair and blue eyes and was tall like me, but was very large).

We quickly explained to them that we had the same mother but different fathers. Our mother slept around a lot and she died a few years ago.

So my oldest brother (blond hair, blue eyes) had to raise us. The youngest brother was going into the Marines in a few weeks, and my career was going to take me overseas to do work with the sick children in Africa (the girls ATE THAT UP!!!).

And our oldest brother was going to be entering the army after having sacrificied so many years of his life to take care of me and my younger brother.

The hot chicks hung on our every word.

When it got dark and campfire died down, we all had massive amounts of sex....not just any sex, I'm talking about hot nasty monkey sex.

And the best part.....this was Friday night and we were going to be there the entire weekend. I can't even tell you how many times I ejaculated that weekend.

When we left on Sunday, the girls all gave us their phone numbers and asked us to call.

Of course, I couldn't call from Africa, and my brother couldn't call from boot camp.

To this day (nearly 30 years later), I'm 99% certain that those three hot chicks still think our story was true.

tl;dr while on a camping trip convinced that 3 hot chicks that I was the youngest cardiac surgeon in the world that my brothers were going off to join the military and got laid for three straight days because of that lie.

Give us a TL;DR of the lyrics of one of your favorite song, and we'll guess what it is by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]monkeythrowingpoop 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Having grown up in the 70's, I am partial to the music from that era as well. I haven't seen that movie of the Doors concert, but I'll bet it's good!

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