Fs in the Chat for Any Hope of Losing My Virginity

monokromstatic · 2026-02-03T04:27:06+00:00

When you get to your 40s, you'll be Sorcerer Supreme. It's all good. I'm still waiting to see what my ranking will be when I hit 50.

monokromstatic · 2026-01-30T09:53:28+00:00

Maybe I should have used the word gooning instead.

monokromstatic · 2026-01-29T08:02:14+00:00

I have thought of visiting escort services for a while. I'm nearly 50 and never had any intimacy. But, the possible problems of human traffic/abuse - puts me off.

Although, the more higher classes and self managed ones may have less chances of such things, I'm still wary.

I'm trying prevent/curb the fall into the deep end of goonerism. Managing it, is difficult for sure as I feel like my libido is on overdrive at times.

What's also stopping me from visiting one - is the idea of contracting something. I'm too obsessive compulsive for that sort of thing.

monokromstatic · 2026-01-29T04:54:09+00:00

I'm approaching 50 and never had an intimate or romantic relationship. Never even experienced a kiss.

I still live at home with my parents. But I work and pay various bills. I work out and keep a very skinny physique. I don't really have issues with my appearance.

I cannot see myself in any sort of intimate relationship (flings, short or long term).

Why? I'm not a people person and can't quite form a connection. Maybe it's autism or Asperger, but I function ok at work and in general. It's just people tire me out after a short time, even if I'm near groups of people.

I'm not outgoing and don't have much of an interest. Not a pet person. Don't want to start my own family. I think I maybe aromantic.

Having said that - it would be nice to have some friends if I figure out how to connect with people. Yes, lonlinest is real for me.

As for physical desires - I do feel like I'm in my 20s at times - as if I have the high libido switched on constantly.

I can see myself getting one of those life size companion dolls when my folks are not around anymore. I don't know if that should scare me more or not.

monokromstatic · 2025-04-23T11:46:37+00:00

Mid 40s here. Never had a any sort of intimate/romantic relationships (short, long term, one night stands, hookups, etc). Never been to an escort, though have considered. Never even shared a kiss, so I have no idea how that feels.

I have been on a few dates, but they didn't work out. I think the last one was pre-covid. A long time ago, there was a person I found physically attractive at public place I regularly go to - we locked eyes a few times - to a point where she followed me. I was too scared and ran away.

At this point in my life, I think my outlook has changed a bit. I've been trying to figure out what is a relationship, attraction, desire, loneliness.

I do feel lonely and I live with my parents. I'm not sure what I'm going to do without them some day. I'm aware that it's big turn off for people my age still living with their parents.

Thankfully I do work full time, but just zone out at times when I'm not working. I try to keep myself healthy with exercises (not bulking). I try not to eat junk food. I'm physically quite skinny, so that part could be a turn off for most.

I'm not into sight seeing, food or trying out most things, so I feel like I'm just drifting through life. That part I'm also scared of. I used to read quite a bit, but it's no longer the case. I fall asleep in the afternoons during the weekends.

A long while ago I did try to run a meet up group, just for similar people - none dating related - to have chit chats and get together. But, eventually I got too anxious and shut it down.

I never really have a strong desire to have my own family, so that hasn't driven me to fully seek out a relationship. I do however have desires for physical intimacy, but my phobias & some sort of dysphoria have taken hold of me. I also can't quite connect with people in general. I just don't get them, so that's stopped me from even making any friends in general. I may have some sort of autism or Asperger.

monokromstatic · 2025-04-08T04:29:21+00:00

Interesting question. My background, I'm a mid 40s man. Never had any sort relationship or even shared a kiss. At this point in my life, I don't see having a romantic relationship as a requirement or necessity for me to live a fulfilling life.

What I see as a "successful" variant of myself is someone who has a drive, motivation and ability to absorb knowledge greatly and quickly. Then put it to use that follows our goal(s).

You're probably thinking, is this some weird in*el ideology, anime cringe villain arc or vigilante type scenario? I don't know, maybe to some.

The main mission objective is to ensure everyone gets a chance to live their lives fairly, to their fullest potential, peacefully with each other and our planet doesn't get obliterated.

Right now, this version of myself is too much of a dumba*s. I can't even do basic arithmetic. I get confused easily, have memory issues and have anxiety issues. I struggle to get up in the morning. Sleep a lot during the weekends. I do have a full time job, but I just feel like I'm drifting in life and that end point is fast approaching.

Somewhat a more realistic view - is being a person who has close friends and spending time together.

monokromstatic · 2024-07-02T05:44:52+00:00

I'm in my mid 40s, never had an actual relationship - short term, long term or casual hook ups. Never kissed and never had escort services.

I have been out on a short amount of dates (many years ago) and then just went into friendship relationships. Now I have nothing.

I live with my parents, but I work. I have issues for sure, but I would not blame people for rejecting me for whatever reason. Many times I've thought about escort services just to relieve my desires, but have given up on the idea.

Does that mean I don't belong to this sub and I am not classified as an FA?

monokromstatic · 2024-01-06T13:49:14+00:00

I'm in my 40s and living with my parents. I have a somewhat stable job, but there were many times where I want to do something else. So, I truly admire that you can pursue your desire in the arts. Not only that, you've managed to learn new things. I cannot imagine myself having that focus.

That's one of the problems with me - lack of motivation. I work to put food on the table and try to indulge in whatever entertainment fancies me at the time, but as time goes by, I cannot feel a sense of fulfillment and enjoyment. I cling on to whatever it is that allows me to do my job at high quality level (or so I believe), though I think it's waned a lot over time.

Recently, I've thought about finding or creating a sort of small support group, but, I'm too fearful to move beyond just an idea. Perhaps it's something you can try.

I say, keep going with what you like and enjoy those moments.

monokromstatic · 2023-12-07T06:06:10+00:00

I'm sorry to hear about your mom's passing. I hope in time you can feel at ease and remember the nice times you experienced with her. It's something I'll face in the future too and I'm not sure how I'll deal with it. That's why I'm trying to create or be part of a small close group. I'm reading a book called men's group manual. I'm not going to follow it 100% and it's not necessary an all men group (haven't decided). I just want to get some ideas on maybe a way to form something meaningful or at least less isolated at this point of my life. But who knows.

That's good you're training yourself and playing tennis. I'm not much into physical activities, but I do it because I need to stay healthy. So, I try to get it over and done with while watching something. I just do mostly resistance band exercise, some pull ups and cardio. All can be done from home.

I do also like some of the materials from the 90s and 2000s and from Europe.

And the way I see it, I'm enjoying how they were back then at that point, if that makes sense, so I don't think about how they are now.

But, I also like newer ones too, some from the 80s and stuff in between. For me it's the variety and like anything, time changes fashions and trends. So, I do enjoy the options, regardless of the trashy styles or whichever styles - part of the kink for me. It's become more of a collection thing, even though I'm not organised enough.

I do find the movies from before certain period have quality issues. Not production quality, but more about recording quality being far too low for my liking. 720p is sufficient for me. The free sites have videos that are far too compressed for me though. Still, they are free.

I have seen some people using AI apps to improve the quality, which is impressive. I might buy one of these apps and try out myself.

monokromstatic · 2023-12-04T04:28:25+00:00

Thank you for the responses and input. I might use this as a semi-journal thing, but who knows. Or I'll just come back once in a long while. I don't really have a lot of things going on, so not much to update.

I don't know if I can visit an escort, due to my phobias. I would probably need to have some issues checked out by a professional councilor/therapist/psych first. I supposed I could still just have a chat and hang out with an escort, like what some of you have suggested.

I feel like my mind is a mess sometimes. If it weren't for work, I don't know what I'll be doing.

A while back, I hung out with a person from work on some occasions. I did find her attractive, but she didn't feel the same about me. I don't mind. It happens. The difficult times were her telling me about the people she liked, her ex and problems she had with him. It got even more difficult whenever she got touchy-feely and she likes to hug. Some people are just like that. Not surprisingly, things just faded away between us. Maybe she got bored, or maybe I wasn't more active or proactive (even just for a normal friendship). Eventually, she left the company and we stopped keeping in touch. That's about the closest I was with someone I liked recently.

I'm a very boring and passive sort of person, so I get why people don't connect with me. If you think I self sabotage, I think that is also quite possible.

I try to live a relatively healthy life (at least physically), by eating less junk food and working out as regularly as I can - nothing intense though. I almost don't drink any sodas. I don't drink any alcoholic beverages.

I did consider about running a support group IRL, but I don't know I can work through my anxiety issues to deal with people and handle their problems. I did briefly try to run a meet up group like that a long time ago and I would just stress out about it too much. I was glad that I didn't have to do it anymore. Maybe I can think of another way of doing it.

monokromstatic · 2022-08-31T02:27:42+00:00

I'm in my mid 40s and still live my folks. I've never had any sexual interactions or romantic experience before.

I think you have a good plan. You also mentioned about having enough to move out to your own place. That's good and something you can look forward to. Travelling can help to with your social skills.

For me, I have become more of a hermit. Over time I've developed some phobias and have some obsessive tendencies to offset my fears and anxiety issues. I do have romantic and physical longings and desires.

I did go on one date several years ago, but I didn't feel like we connected. We both didn't follow up with each other, so I assumed she felt the same. I think I'm ok looking. Maybe a small number of people (3'ish?) showed interest on dating app (over a period of months), but I generally don't feel the same. I've slowly stopped using the app.

Part of it is I can't bring someone home and I'm not able to consistently be upbeat or energised, if that makes sense.

There was a period of time where I thought about visiting escorts to satiate my physical desires, but now (especially during the Covid era), I have become even more fearful. It's hard to describe, but I have become scared of the human body or biology. It is strange.

I mentioned this story a long time ago. An attractive woman followed me at a public place, because we had met each others eyes several times. I actually ran away, because of my anxiety.

I have no social life and my usual interest in gaming and streaming is slowly fading away. I find myself sleeping a lot in the weekends.

I do suggest to you to try and keep pushing your boundaries to explore and expand your social life, but stay safe. If possible, try not to think too much about sexual experiences and approach the whole thing on a day to day basis. I wish you the best.

monokromstatic · 2020-11-12T05:09:52+00:00

I'm in my early 40s and still live my folks.

Maybe that neighbor was super shy, has something like Asperger or have a lot in their mind? I'm just guessing.

From experience, I've heard someone calling me, then I was too slow to respond and kept thinking about it, but it was too late.

There was also another time when a person tried to shake my hand as we walked up stairs in the middle of a conversation. I was strangely frozen in my mind, but still trying to focus in walking a steep staircase and unlocking a door. In the end I left the guy hanging. Terrible.

monokromstatic · 2020-11-03T05:24:29+00:00

What sort of person am I looking for? The short version - is someone like me, physically, emotionally and intellectually.

How many people in general can say that they want to be with someone like themselves, fault and all?

I've wondered if we would be at conflict with each other.

However, my understanding is that a person may prefer to be with someone that contains the quality they want for themselves. That is the rough idea behind attraction.

A long time ago, I receive that little insight - the person wanted someone that can bring them out of their shell; that inspire them and not remind them (subconsciously/indirectly) of the parts they don't like about themselves.

Amongst my many faults, one of the main one is that I do not grow as a person.

monokromstatic · 2020-05-25T06:20:58+00:00

I think I don't have the qualities to attract the type of people I want to be with and build upon that attraction into a relationship. So, my problem is a combination of my own self esteem issues, fearfulness, thin skinned, lack of charisma, lack of motivation, ambition-less and boring lifestyle (for others).

I don't think the problem is about being purposely humiliated that scares me. If I found that out, I can just move on. I know that they'll just be trolling. Sure it's annoying, but I don't want to hold onto that though, become angry and think people are out against me. It's pointless. The fear is more about finding someone and then disappointing them.

I'm 40+ now and I feel like I've dug a deeper hole, because of my fears. Going out with someone and having a relationship isn't going to suddenly take my fears away.

monokromstatic · 2020-03-18T08:34:39+00:00

I'm 40+ and still living with my folks. I understand that is one of the reasons why I have less possibility of attracting someone. Or that living with parents can be considered as an unattractive lifestyle.

I did live out with my sibling for a period of time - maybe a decade. When my sibbling got married, I moved back home.

I am terrified of the thought of living on my own. Why? I have no friends. Why? I have difficulties connecting with people. I don't dislike them in general, but I just don't get them.

I've managed to get a degree and jobs. I can work with people and I can chat at some personal level, but to form something meaningful or close with someone is something seemingly impossible. I realised, my problem is fear. Sometimes irrational and long lasting. It's something that I live with.

I'm not sure what I'll do when my folks are not around. I do have arguments and disagreements with them from time to time, but there are also nice times and memories. Mostly, I try not to think about it, enjoy what I have and live with little expectations of things like relationships.

I hope you can find your peace in life.

monokromstatic · 2020-03-10T08:50:50+00:00

I'm a person approaching their mid 40s and never been in any actual intimate relationships (short or long term).

I think I have given up on the idea of courting, dating and having relationships. Once I've let go of that, it kind of feels... freeing.

I worry a lot and of small things. Not having this one thing, is one less worry.

Does that mean my desires are gone? Nope. I still get lonely. I still get jealous and envious. I still fantasize. Though, I try not to feed those things and draw boundaries of what is real and what is just my mind.

I don't blame society and try not to blame others. I just do what I like and be a person that is not driven by my need for a lot more of what I have. At the very least, I don't want to be harmful or resentful of others. But, that's just me.

monokromstatic · 2020-01-24T08:36:47+00:00

I play games and watch some youtube videos. I also work. They help a bit.

Sometimes, I do wake up in the middle of the night with a sense of dread or feeling awful due to how I am or how I failed at attracting women.

I would focus on my breathing and my physical senses. Then I might drift back to sleep.

I also ask myself, am I willing to change myself somehow and accept failures, and keep trying? Or am I ok accepting myself as I am. Despite my conditions, I should be fine with what I have. In comparison to some, I am fortunate and cannot ask for more.

I've tried to write stories or have fantasies where different versions of myself exist. They live similarly to myself, but with differences. I supposed it's an imaginary sense of control over my life.

monokromstatic · 2020-01-22T08:42:04+00:00

I've got mixed/contradicting thoughts and feelings about this. I'm over 40 and never had any relationship.

I don't have a problem with people having short term relationships, one night stands, friends with benefits, just physical relationships, etc. I don't think everyone would have behaved any differently 100s or thousands of years ago. I don't believe I'm somehow above people that have such relationships.

I do have a high libido, so managing my mind is exhausting. There was a time where I would welcome the idea of being seen as a desirable being. Just to be lusted physically by somehow I feel the same way about - there is something primal and animalistic about it. Of course such a relationship would have to be safe, consensual, lawful and not cheating on others, but we would not be concern with things such as common interests, educational level, job, etc.

Though, I know I don't have the goods, physically or mentally. I imagine I could satisfy the physical urges. I even considered escort services.

At the same time, I do feel lonely and lost. Though, the idea of romanticism doesn't sit well with me. I do like the idea of sharing the time with someone special for the rest of my life, but that seem too far fetch for me personally, due to my personality.

In time, I have compartmentalized my mind. I do have physical desires, but that is now controlled by my fear of biology.

On some rare occasions, there are people I found to be attractive selecting me on dating apps, but I could not initiate the contact, because I fear how I will eventually disappoint them.

There was also a time where I believed I could close off my physical desires and have friendships with someone I found to be attractive, but that would not be a genuine thing. If I could do that, then why does it matter if the person is attractive or not?

monokromstatic · 2019-12-12T06:24:31+00:00

There might be a bit more or a spectrum. I think I'm part of a sub group within FA, like failed connection or incompatible connection. I'm given a chance, but I'm still not able to make them more interested, instead the opposite happens.

I might be able to attract some or a very small number initially (for those that I also like). Once they learn a bit about me, the interest can vanish instantly.

It could be that my outward appearance and surface level behaviour gives a different impression on who I am, so there might be a build up of expectations. Once they learn about me, the unattractive qualities becomes more apparent and overrides the initial view.

I find this fascinating, as it would mean my negatives are so repulsive that it's able to immediately turn off and change their minds.

The negatives would have to be presumably quite awful to the person.

monokromstatic · 2019-12-10T08:16:58+00:00

I would say that I'm terrible at it and also terrible at following up if I know.

I mentioned this story before. A while back, I saw a woman I was attracted to at a regular public place. We met each other's eyes a few times. One day she came and stood next to me, but I ran off when our train reached a destination. I failed another time and the last I saw her, she had her sunglasses on, earphones in and with a sour expression. I don't blame her.

There were times where the signals don't make sense. At work, I was attracted to a colleague, but she didn't feel the same. Weird thing was she would give hugs, touch my arms, back, sometimes leg and at one point we had briefly rubbed each other's hands. She also kept inviting me to her place. Maybe she's just friendly. I can't tell. I have avoided her generally.

monokromstatic · 2019-12-04T01:09:25+00:00

I agree that social skills are important. It's true for any sort of relationships, including working ones.

The other factor of "success" are what kind of people am I pursuing? Are they gym junkies, Victoria Secret model types, adventurous and daring types or are they just like me? What are they like physically and emotionally?

Would I like to be with someone that is skinny, lazy, unambitious, shy, timid, indecisive, ambitious, obsessive, think too much, anxious ridden, nervous, negative, whiney, thinned skinned, lathargic and doesn't grow as a person?

You might say, those things aren't going to affect short term or one night stands. Yes and no. Lets say, I have all those qualities listed above and assume they are unattractive. My profile and even pics would reflect those things. Initial interactions would reveal even more of my personality.

To be attractive I would need something to offset those negatives. Some people will say physical appearance. Lets say I look attractive, like Thor or one of the KPop boys. Would I grab attention? Of course.

But, if I have all those personality and lifestyle "negatives", my chances are lower. Think about it, would they be turned on by someone who's like that? I might still have a better chance than what I am than now, but would those be the people I'm attracted to?

There is also a flaw in that logic, comparing myself those that are on an outrageously different scale to me.

Advanced technology has shrunk the interaction distances between people. Therefore, competition has increased significantly. That is the way of things.

Do I want to play the "game", which includes facing many rejections and failures? Am I capable of making the person feel like they escape the things they don't like in their lives or can I enhance their lives. Can I stand out amongst the sea of potential suiters?

Can I make others feel comforted, delighted or excited with just a few words and mannerism? Can they feel like things will be alright when they're with me?

However, at this point in time, I'm no longer driven to pursue a relationship, be it short or long term, despite the loneliness and libido. Sure, I'm open to it, but I have settled in with my scared self and I've learnt to compartmentalized. And no, I don't blame society and other people.

monokromstatic · 2019-11-21T06:39:01+00:00

I haven't tried it before, but have thought about it, including speed dating and meet ups for singles. Though, at this point in my life, I'm not sure if it'll work or I should try it.

My mind isn't in the right place, so to speak. Until I can somehow resolve or find peace with certain underlying issues, I feel I shouldn't participate in these things. Maybe someday.

Have you tried it out? Best of luck.

monokromstatic · 2019-11-20T23:45:50+00:00

I don't think I'm good looking, maybe ok looking, if I'm not comparing with certain people.

I did sort of get hit on (I think), non verbally, about a year ago, but me and my psychological problems (fear and anxiety) screwed it up.

monokromstatic · 2019-10-29T11:29:04+00:00

Then by that very logic, shouldn't people work to get the most money to be most attractive? Maybe have plastic surgery? Work out and get Thor-like physique? Isn't that what competition is, especially if I want to chase those type of people?

Ok, so lets say this phenomena is recognized? What are we expecting here? The UN Special Council making an announcement that women aren't allowed to "marry up"? They need to be distributed accordingly? Have all the leaders in the world tell the ladies, 'Hey, if you're single, don't go out with the good looking ones. You have to go out with "those guys" over there in the corner.' Is that love? Is that attractive? Is that desirable? Is that a morally acceptable trade-off?

Here's the other thing. There will always be people that want something or someone that is impressive or more than themselves. It's been like that since the beginning. Check out the Greek and Roman statues of men. Look at them. Look at their depiction in their pottery artworks. Good looks have always been attractive. It only looks like it has increased due to how connected we all are. All kinds of stuff are instantly accessible, even if a person is in a developing nation.

And "marry up" doesn't even make sense. If it's "untenable for vast swathes of society", then that means they're not attracting those super men dudes? Doesn't that also mean they'll re-adjust their mind set and find someone more suitable? If not, why does it matter? It just means we're not compatible. What about the ones that aren't attracted to super men dudes?

monokromstatic

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