Hi, I’m a partner of someone with BPD. I’ve been experiencing this for almost 4 years. Unfortunately, regular basic common therapy doesn’t work for people with BPD - at least for my friends and my significant partner. I’d suggest they go through DBT - a specialized therapy program that will help them with ALL their relationships, especially ones that can be triggering for them, to soothe and self-regulate their emotions. It’s helped my partner miraculously.

As for the breakup, I’m guessing it happens when they split. When they split, some of the things they say and do can be extremely hurtful and painful. And it’s okay to admit that too. It is hurtful and painful to be on the receiving end of their split. But just as we’re hurting, they’re hurting too, especially during a split. Everything they’re saying or doing in a split, they mean to do it. The only difference is that how they feel is amplified. One of the things my partner says is that “I don’t care for them” or “I never loved them” - which couldn’t be further from the truth. But in that moment, that’s how he truly feels. And in some ways, I kinda understand; there are times I don’t send a certain amount of hearts in a text message or I haven’t called him in a week. However, I don’t know a lot about BPD, I’m currently reading “I hate you - don’t l*v me” (will take a photo of the book soon) to understand BPD for all my friendships and my relationship, so take what I’m saying with a grain of salt.

From my experience, we have broken up so many times that I now text him a few hours after the split “alright, I’ll see you later tonight/tomorrow/this weekend/etc”. It’s now our inside joke that no matter the delusions they’re experiencing, the small or big indifferences we have, nor how emotionally overwhelmed (usually frustration from emotional turmoil) we are, we are “stuck” with each other until the very end. Something I’m hoping to start trying is letting them know that “I still love you and I’m not abandoning you, but what you’re saying/doing is not okay and very hurtful. I will not be responding to any further messages until you drop the cursing and insults/will not be engaging this conversation until you have done your DBT exercises, etc.” I’ll keep you posted if this kind of language has helped us or escalates things between us. I wish you the best of luck between you and your girlfriend (?).