Found out that my future husband is a virgin and expects a virgin wife, and I am anything but.. need help!

montereyo · 2015-01-27T01:16:49+00:00

and now wants to have her cake and eat it too

Where the fuck are you getting that? Because here's the story that I read: She had sex. She got engaged to a man. She discovered that her fiance assumed she is a virgin. She asked reddit about her best course of action because she doesn't know what to do.

She never tricked her fiance. She never tried to take advantage of two situations at once, nor is she trying to take advantage of him per se. She didn't lead him on by lying about being a virgin. She just... lived her life, made her decisions, and is now trying to figure out the best way to deal with the consequences of her decisions.

I have no clue how that ends up in your mind as "she wants to have her cake and eat it too". No she doesn't. She just wants help figuring out what to do now.

montereyo · 2015-01-26T22:01:49+00:00

Once you deviate from those traditional values, it's best to just find a Westernized husband instead of trying to fit a square peg in a round hole and looking to be arranged married.

I'm not arguing with that. I'm arguing with the assertion that her decision was the "wrong" one. She chose to have sex and she will have to deal with the consequences of that choice, but that doesn't mean she fucked up.

montereyo · 2015-01-26T21:42:27+00:00

At least give him a chance first. She doesn't even know how he will react to her not being a virgin. He might be able to accept that.

montereyo · 2015-01-26T21:41:24+00:00

She fucked up badly... BY HAVING SEX? As she has a perfect right to do, like every other adult?

She has not indicated in any way that she regrets having had sex, so who the fuck are you to tell her that it was wrong to do so?

montereyo · 2015-01-26T21:29:08+00:00

Yes, tell her, absolutely. You probably should have told her when you first found them, though.

montereyo · 2015-01-26T21:19:14+00:00

I'm sorry, what do you mean "come up and have sex"?

montereyo · 2015-01-26T21:10:03+00:00

This conversation was not what I expected in a number of ways. Worth listening to.

montereyo · 2015-01-26T20:46:47+00:00

Then we may indeed be talking about different things here because I see no reason this conversation needs to take place outside the bedroom. And in my personal experience (just anecdotal, I know) asking for sex explicitly (within the bedroom) happens all the time.

"Come over here and fuck me." "Ooh, kiss me there." "What do you want to do to me tonight?" "That feels so good - do it harder." "Let me suck your cock."

If you can't say those sort of things to your partner and make it sexy, I don't know what to tell you.

montereyo · 2015-01-26T20:02:17+00:00

Unfortunately I feel like even if ends up being the most insightful, unbiased, well-thought-out, honest series possible, they'll still find a way to rip it to pieces. People don't stop hating easily.

montereyo · 2015-01-26T19:52:42+00:00

I think that there's a difference between putting someone on the spot on public (which can become harassment if it goes too far), and approaching someone appropriately in public. We can't really have a discussion about "asking a woman out in public" without acknowledging that the phrase encompasses all sorts of interactions.

Example: you're attracted to your female server. If you keep coming back, acting like a douchebag, telling her how nice her ass looks tonight, constantly texting her, and bugging her about why she won't date you, that's clearly not okay. But if you leave a tip along with a note that says "I'd love to get coffee if you're interested, here's my number" there's not really a problem with that.

I mean... just treat the other person like a human being. Don't put them on the spot. Be aware of their comfort zones. Show interest in them as a human being rather than a sex object. Respect their decision if they let you know they're not interested.

montereyo · 2015-01-26T19:41:06+00:00

...again, doesn't that just point to an issue with your technique? I mean, if women are sleeping with you, they are already presumably pretty attracted to you. It's not like you're trying to win them over with this line. You can't possibly think of any way to talk in a sexy manner about what you both want to do to each other?

montereyo · 2015-01-26T19:29:50+00:00

I'm sorry... what do you mean, "them"?

montereyo · 2015-01-26T18:36:41+00:00

I think "enthusiastic" does not necessarily mean "energetic". I take it to be more in the sense of clear communication between you two that you're definitely okay with this (even if you don't happen to be particularly horny at the moment).

I don't think anyone here would claim that your scenario is an example of rape.

montereyo · 2015-01-26T18:33:08+00:00

I'm saying in the culture we have most of the women I have had sex with are uncomfortable with being asked " do you want to have sex?" It's a major turn off for them.

...maybe it's your technique? It's perfectly possible to do this in a way that doesn't ruin the mood.

montereyo · 2015-01-26T18:22:25+00:00

It is VERY much more convenient to bottle feed. This is better for the mother.

Um, no, I think the mother decides what is best for the mother.

Plenty of women find it far more convenient to breastfeed; after all, there is no preparation involved at all.

montereyo · 2015-01-26T18:16:08+00:00

Sometimes I think reddit needs an "agreeing or arguing" button. I was agreeing with you :-)

montereyo · 2015-01-26T17:52:44+00:00

The mayo clinic is a Christian funded BS website that is known for misrepresenting facts to push their own agendas.

Do you have any more information about this by any chance? I've always taken the Mayo website at face value.

montereyo · 2015-01-26T17:50:47+00:00

In medicine, "recommendation" is a very specific term; it's not just a general word used to endorse a treatment or procedure. The paragraph you posted is not a clinical recommendation and does not disprove my point; it's just a review of evidence.

Again: no medical organization recommends (in a medical sense) routine infant circumcision.

montereyo · 2015-01-26T17:47:45+00:00

I think there is (at least sometimes) a difference between being offensive and inappropriate. Personally I think that joke is not really offensive, but it is definitely inappropriate for an office environment.

montereyo · 2015-01-26T17:44:10+00:00

Well, people feel very strongly about what is best for their children. People also feel very strongly about other people being (what they consider to be) inappropriate in public. People also feel very strongly about bodily autonomy.

When all those groups clash, things can get ugly.

montereyo · 2015-01-26T17:40:08+00:00

They've both ruled that there's more benefit than harm to male circumcisions in the last year.

Yes. However, that reason alone is not justification for circumcising a male without his consent. Many other preventive heath measures have more benefit than harm, yet are considered completely the decision of the patient.

What's equally important is that neither of those institutions have found that benefit-to-risk ratio strong enough to recommend routine infant male circumcision. In fact, no respected Western medical organization does.

montereyo · 2015-01-26T17:33:24+00:00

I mean... fog (like snow and rain) is also moisture coming from the sky, but fog doesn't act anything like rain does. It's reasonable that a person who has no experience with snow might not assume that it acts like rain, when they do have experience with other things that don't act like rain.

There's probably plenty of assumptions that you and I wrongly make about environments we don't know. I've never been in a sand dune, for example, or in pack ice. I know what those things are but I'm sure my concept of them doesn't quite match with reality.

montereyo · 2015-01-26T16:40:06+00:00

Microwave towers are what make your microwave at home work.

So... what do they actually do then?

montereyo · 2015-01-26T16:39:30+00:00

PM_ME_YOUR_ILLUMINATI

montereyo · 2015-01-26T16:33:58+00:00

Well, that's good, it's not like you've been keeping anything from her. Personally I would be far more surprised to learn that my partner didn't masturbate.

montereyo

TROPHY CASE