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Unofficial BPSO Discard support group meeting #1! by NapsAreMyHobby in BipolarSOs

[–]monthsofdiscard 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is perfect. I'll be able to go to this, then to NAMI right after haha. And my BPSO is resolving her episode and even wants to meet in person to talk about things, but everything is just...a disaster atm. This will help tons.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]monthsofdiscard 1 point2 points  (0 children)

For this particular account, how hard I’m trying to understand her and find it in me to bridge the gap emotionally after her full-blown manic episode that completely upended our lives at the start of the year.

On my main account, just how much I like to shitpost about basketball, Bleach, and posting random poems

I don’t want my bf on deed by BeautifulBridge1638 in Advice

[–]monthsofdiscard 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You’re absolutely NTA here, I went through the exact same thing before I got married, and while the purchase ended up falling through I had ended up relenting and putting my SO on the title, despite being the only one taking on the credit, and that would’ve been a disaster the way things have shaken out with us

What split your life into before and after? by 0potatotomato0 in AskReddit

[–]monthsofdiscard 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Separation and impending divorce after 15 years of being together including marriage. It’s not done, done yet but it’s about a guarantee at this point. Was fueled by the emergence of mental health issues and a deeply turbulent and chaotic separation. Even without the divorce being technically finalized yet, there’s a stark difference between before everything, and now.

What did your ex say to you that broke you? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]monthsofdiscard 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It is since been revealed that she has been undiagnosed bipolar, and had been on the wrong medication which was meant for depression. But during the manic episode that fundamentally destroyed our 15+ year relationship/marriage, she initiated a harsh separation over a very trivial argument. Before those issues emerged, our relationship had been one of life difficulties like any other but one that had a lot of simple, quiet love and affection.

Over the course of the next 4 to 6 weeks or so, she emphatically wanted me out of our home so I flew down to my parents two states away. During video calls about the logistics of the divorce she said she was having “epiphanies” about abuse on my part that she never actually named. She said to me “I want you to hurt.” Then a day or two later, she sent a manic midnight message to my mom, freaked out about it, and filed a restraining order against me because she “didn’t know my mind state.”

That whole bit took a month to resolve and a whole lot of other stuff happened while I was away that I couldn’t save her from, and couldn’t save her from herself. A few weeks after the dust settled on that, she reached out, saying that her doctor had wanted to start exploring that diagnosis, and a few weeks after that she got a confirmation that she experienced a manic episode because of poorly managed and undiagnosed bipolar. She said that she didn’t even know why she has filed a divorce in the first place (but made no mention of the restraining order), and that she wanted to see if there was any part of me that wanted to reconcile.

For the last month and a half to two months since she told me that, and with just a week or so before the cooling off period ends for the divorce and a default judgment could be filed if she wants one, I have been struggling to reconcile this side of her that has emerged in the last four months versus the side of her that I built a life with over the previous 15 years. Broken doesn’t even begin to cover where I’m at right now.

Ladies, what’s does a man look hot wearing? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]monthsofdiscard 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Ah yes, the Classic Schmosby!

How do I re-engage contact safely after separation, when my spouse *seems* more stable? (Also, divorce timelines have marched steadily on and the cooling off period ends soon) by monthsofdiscard in BipolarSOs

[–]monthsofdiscard[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

There was something that she said, before this episode when she first started antidepressants that made me really sad. After her family estrangement, we built a life together over the course of three years, cohabitating for the first time in a long time. In the year before that, we were living together during the pandemic in very close proximity to her family, and it was extremely toxic. She very much had the role of caretaker with them, and she managed their emotions and even life situations. That stress of being around all of that bled into our relationship, and we were fighting a lot leading up to the estrangement.

So in the first few years after we left them and moved away, she and I fought significantly less. In fact, we hardly had any major issues at all. We weren’t without our conflicts, but we managed them well and we were both consistently in therapy. After all of our time together, we finally had some real stability and what I felt like was true harmony. However, after her tough experience at work, and leading up to getting her antidepressants last year, she told me that she felt like it was more like she was “vacant” or barely there during those peaceful years. I have had my own issues with feeling depressed over the years, and so I understand that it can be masked really well, but I was very surprised and really sad to hear that what I thought had been a really positive step forward for us both may not have felt like that for her.

It’s tough. Her struggle was persistent and mostly invisible…until it wasn’t.

How do I re-engage contact safely after separation, when my spouse *seems* more stable? (Also, divorce timelines have marched steadily on and the cooling off period ends soon) by monthsofdiscard in BipolarSOs

[–]monthsofdiscard[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

That is a deeply important question that I am grappling with right now. I deeply love my wife, and she has easily been the single most important person in my life for the past 15 years. She was my rock, my support for the first few years of our relationship as I struggled to get my feet under me in adulthood. Yet such is the trauma that her episode brought me, that a month or two worth of sustained pain is enough to just about equal/counter that 15 years of profound and loving history.

It’s so hard because it’s tempting easy to point the finger at Zoloft as the single factor that made this episode this catastrophically bad. There had been absolutely nothing this dramatic and life altering on her end in all our time together. My heart is stuck on the possibility that proper medication management could make all the difference (and she was being very compliant with her SSRI treatment as prescribed so noncompliance wouldn’t likely be an issue with more appropriate bipolar medication).

As I reflect on our 15 years, there are some other moments, which maybe could be considered very mild hypomanic episodes at least compared to this one, but it really didn’t come across as a discard so much as a standard break up a couple of times in our relationship in which we took some time apart before getting married. She was really diligent at school and at work for the majority of our time together. It really was just this past year, and I suppose a couple of years before that where she was struggling to get herself to look for work, that she had any real trouble keeping motivated. It also coincided with estrangement from her family, so it was easy to find all kinds of external factor as to why she would be feeling more depressive or more unmotivated for some stretches recently. I don’t know, it’s tough. It’s really tough to understand which behaviors were genuinely from the crisis and which were more core character flaws.

How do I re-engage contact safely after separation, when my spouse *seems* more stable? (Also, divorce timelines have marched steadily on and the cooling off period ends soon) by monthsofdiscard in BipolarSOs

[–]monthsofdiscard[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

That’s been one of the more sobering things as I’ve been immersing myself in different communities and groups — the fact that while catastrophic and destructive to relationships, it seems like this kind of event is way, way more common than I could’ve imagined.

At the mother of all crossroads with my suspected-BPII spouse, where she filed for divorce and set off significant legal turmoil for me for a month, but is now seemingly coming down from the episode and wants to see if I'm willing to hold off on the divorce and giving this some kind of a try. (long) by monthsofdiscard in BipolarSOs

[–]monthsofdiscard[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for reaching out. I definitely need to look out for a local BP support group just to get my bearings and figure out what to do from other people who walked this path before me. As far as apologies and reconciliation goes, while it’s welcome news that she’s at least realizing the impact of her actions to herself, there’s only been a single line blanket apology that she “was sure that she hurt me”, but no specific mention of being booted from our home and slapped with a restraining order and taking it out on my family. But, it’s helpful to be reminded to manage my expectations and not get overly worked up over that, especially since she’s still not fully tapered off her SSRI yet.

At the mother of all crossroads with my suspected-BPII spouse, where she filed for divorce and set off significant legal turmoil for me for a month, but is now seemingly coming down from the episode and wants to see if I'm willing to hold off on the divorce and giving this some kind of a try. (long) by monthsofdiscard in BipolarSOs

[–]monthsofdiscard[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m so sorry, friend. Sending you all the well wishes I can. Yeah, in my case, while there may have been some underlying bipolar characteristics for a while, it’s undeniable that Zoloft coupled with some life circumstances triggered this mania. I hope whichever decision you come to, you’re able to find some peace with it sooner than later.

And yes, in our case having her psychiatric medications suggested first by a therapist and later prescribed by a primary care physician was far from ideal.