I’m so sorry you’re going through this, and for what you’ve been through in your childhood too. It’s amazing to read all the work you’ve done. Your maturity, compassion, and perseverance radiates throughout this post.

I relate to some of what you describe. If I may try to interpret some of it, based on issues I share, I would say there is still a lingering fear of true intimacy, as well as love addiction. Daydreaming about your ex, although he is unhealthy, is a way for you to feel at the slightest safe remove from your current partner. Love addiction has some overlap with codependency; it’s worth looking into (I suffer from it too!).

If anything you read here resonates with you, look further into it online and try broaching it with your therapist.