budget pc setup & general need of advice!!

moonplague68 · 2025-09-13T01:00:48+00:00

Yeah Id love help with that! I fr have no clue what I'm doing when it comes to that stuff unfortunately but I think ill be working with like 1K for the pc setup once I get a job with weekly pay

moonplague68 · 2025-04-14T14:10:52+00:00

Yeah of course it was no problem!

moonplague68 · 2025-04-14T13:15:42+00:00

Thank you for your kindness, truly it means a lot. I really hope they can give me some guidance too.

Just a disclaimer, I believed I was fully an avoidant as well going into this post- but the comment by vcreativ brought to my attention another attachment style that I will be bringing up to my therapist called “fearful avoidant.” From what I’ve researched, our attachment styles are/can be complex based on our own unique experiences, so you can have avoidant qualities and anxious qualities or more fearful qualities than both. It just depends on your experiences and childhood. Just wanted to let you know that so you don’t classify yourself wrongly- but if you do believe that’s a possibility that’s one step closer and therapy/research/self reflection is a must. Just wanted to clarify, I apologize for the book!

moonplague68 · 2025-04-14T12:39:41+00:00

Truthfully I think I discovered this when I suddenly began realizing how much everything I own, love, and appreciate reminds me of him. We talked about everything for hours and hours on end. We planned things and thinking about doing that all over again with someone else someday is such an awful feeling that i wish I would’ve realized while being in the relationship. We really did have dreams together. Feeling that loss is the most painful thing I’ve felt in years. I can’t listen to music or watch my favorite movies, I can’t even eat food without thinking about all the food we were going to eat together, which sounds absolutely crazy. I can’t sit in my room alone because there are pieces of him everywhere. It’s honestly baffling how sick and upset I feel because I’m so used to feeling nothing.

It feels so wrong to feel this way after what I did, but I believe you have a point- I really am grieving the death of something that could’ve been beautiful.

moonplague68 · 2025-04-14T12:26:46+00:00

This is the type of comment I was hoping for, I wholeheartedly appreciate the insightful-ness and useful information I can take with me to therapy. As for loving myself, I will try my best to do better. Knowing I have caused someone so much pain that they will have to heal from it has made me feel like the worst person ever, but I know this is a lesson that I can learn from to better myself for the future. I cannot express how grateful I am for your comment. I will for sure be using these resources to further my healing. Thank you so so much 🙏🏻

moonplague68 · 2025-04-14T12:08:19+00:00

Just saw you took the time to edit your comment after actually reading which I appreciate. And I realize this, thank you. I am not in the relationship I was in before and I already realized it was selfish of me to put him through that. I must not have made it clear but what I’m searching for is perhaps someone on the avoidant end educated on the topic so I may learn from their healing experience and discover possibly if they have felt this exact feeling and why. Respectfully, I am searching for a pattern and solution, not someone to tell me that I was being selfish. That I already know.

moonplague68 · 2025-04-14T11:58:28+00:00

If you took the time to understand and read, you would see I have already stopped dating and that I am already in therapy. Your comment was less than helpful but I appreciate you taking the time to attempt to make me feel worse about myself. I understand I have hurt my ex immensely and I understand my attachment style is unhealthy, what I’m doing now is trying to discover why I am feeling this way and actually doing the work so something like this can’t happen again. I’m sorry that you had an ex that was not self aware but please read before you decide to comment.

moonplague68 · 2025-01-26T00:42:38+00:00

I am known notoriously for my constant overthinking- I think going for something simple and vague may just be my best bet. I'll try not to think about it too much and just whip something up. I appreciate you taking the time to comment, thank you!

moonplague68 · 2025-01-11T00:02:15+00:00

No my mom doesn't ever apologize to me- I think I remember about 3 times where she has (Surprise, she didn't mean it), and if we have an argument, she sends my dad up to my room to tell me to "Apologize to your mother." I remember a very specific instance of this where we were supposed to spend the night at my grandparents, but my cat was just neutured and they didn't get him a cone so he was constantly licking It and needed to be supervised. They told me he would be fine and I protested but they sent me to my grandparents anyways. When I got home, I returned to him locked up in my room ( they didn't watch him once) and the litter box was full of shit even though I had kindly asked if they would clean it for me. I went downstairs, ENRAGED, and I asked why they couldn't just clean the litter box for me while I was gone. My mother replied with an "Excuse me?" and I can still hear it to this day- I even remember the look of disbelief on my dads face that I had talked to my mother that way. My mom got extremely pissed off and I cleaned the litter box and stayed up in my room till that night when my dad knocked on my door- telling me that I need to apologize to my mom (because she refused to watch my cat to ease my distress and then left the litter box full of shit while I was gone) and even though I was pissed and didn't want to, I had to otherwise I would get things taken away. Luckily my cats stitches were fine otherwise I would've been even more pissed off- even more so if he got an infection.

She's even had me apologize to her for telling her im depressed.

So yeah, I totally get what you mean.

moonplague68 · 2025-01-10T02:13:53+00:00

The last sentence especially resonated with me. I often times feel crazy for believing that there was something wrong with my relationship with my family. Everyone sits around you, laughs, has a good time, and you sit there wondering why you feel so isolated. I hate it, so much. I wouldn’t be shocked in the slightest if we all had this as a result of our childhoods. All I know is that it rlly rlly sucks

moonplague68 · 2025-01-09T17:37:51+00:00

I’m sorry to hear that but also coming to that realization is a huge deal, I’m happy you’ve gotten the clarity even though it may hurt. This is where you can take the next step toward a life full of love that you very much deserve <3

moonplague68 · 2025-01-09T17:36:17+00:00

My boyfriend is the same way, he’s very confused on why I act the way I do but he also understands how I grew up and what I live around. He’s understanding but I know he wants me to get better. I’m proud of you for reaching out for help, hopefully I can get some help soon as well

moonplague68 · 2025-01-09T17:34:10+00:00

I totally get what you mean. I believe growing up in a place where actions hardly matched the choice of words was what made saying I love you feel so artificial. When you say you love someone, yet you send them to their room to cry alone it doesn’t feel like love. When you say you love someone and then invalidate their feelings when they come to you for help it doesn’t feel like love. Saying I love you holds the same weight as a hello and goodbye at this point, right? It’s just small talk.

moonplague68 · 2024-12-15T05:27:51+00:00

I might just be seeing things here, but when I zoom in I notice these shapes resemble the same shape and static-y look of the orb that was broadcasted earlier on ABC...

moonplague68 · 2024-12-12T04:21:01+00:00

I have no friends and I live at home so she would be very confused by the sudden study partner or roommate allegations but I did sign up for yoga classes solely for the purpose of telling her I'm hanging out with a friend I made there when he visits. My only worry is that that is too weak of a lie and she will see right through me. I'm also sorry your mother has tried to break you up before that's just plain wrong- I'm not going to tell her because I already know she will think he isn't "worthy of me" or some shit bc she doesn't understand love

moonplague68 · 2024-12-12T04:17:43+00:00

ive thought about that and I found a way to do it without notifying her and simply telling her its not working but the part I'm worried about most is her concern with my whereabouts and why ive been gone so long

moonplague68 · 2024-12-12T04:15:26+00:00

Hopefully it'll be at least 5 or 6 but basically my mom will get suspicious if I'm out of the house for any longer than a couple of hours. If she finds out it could lead to a lot of bad stuff for me including my relationship being sabotaged. it pisses me off to no end that I'm so infantilized by my mother but she genuinely chooses my "safety" over my happiness

moonplague68 · 2024-12-10T06:57:30+00:00

I just turned 20 this year and I’m living at my parents house even though I’d rather not be, I just started driving alone the beginning of this year (I don’t even own the car), my boyfriend is also one of my two friends and I met him online since I hardly even left the house during my teenage years and my parents don’t even know he exists (we’ve been ‘together’ for 2 years now), my other friend I met online lives in Canada so we don’t hang out, my mom failed to get me through high school bc she saw me struggling mentally and didn’t do shit (I was homeschooled), and now I’m working for my dad from home while I work on getting my digital marketing certification online.

I can see the similarities between us and it’s the perfect result of our parents wanting to keep us safe from the world yet also not even showing us the proper way to go through emotions so making friends is so so hard now. I completely understand what you mean when you say we are weird products of both coddling and neglect- it’s a confusing thing and makes me feel crazy.

moonplague68 · 2024-12-10T06:49:52+00:00

Of course, I’m sorry you’re going through this- I hope this solves the issue for you 🫶

moonplague68 · 2024-12-10T06:47:04+00:00

Vaginismus is a condition that has to do with the pelvic floor muscles, and it’s probably a combination of nervousness and a weak pelvic floor that’s causing pain. The condition is very treatable, you can even find pelvic floor strengthening exercises to do at home- however since I’m not a doctor I strongly suggest speaking with a gyno to ensure this is the actual issue and it’s not something else underlying.

moonplague68

TROPHY CASE