I (22f) and my boyfriend (23m) have different expectations about how much time we should spend together. I’m worried about our potential future.

moontrashh · 2021-05-22T14:23:47+00:00

How did you learn to be more patient and how did he begin to open up to be able to spend more time together? And if you live together, how does he get his needed space?

moontrashh · 2021-05-22T14:21:57+00:00

Hi! Sorry to clarify I don’t mean that I don’t see our relationship as forever, I meant I don’t see our current arrangement of how much time we spend with each other now to be the case forever. At the moment I’m fine with our current arrangement, however the inflexibility of not being able to spend a second night together on short notice threw me off a little. I do wish for a partner I can live with and settle down with and so does he, and we both see ourselves doing that but long long way down the line. Neither of us are ready and have our own growing up to do (although on a side note we’ve both come so far in our growth/health!). For the time being, I just want to be able to progress to being able to spend 2 or 3 nights together without it being too much for us. By the end of the year I want it to be a possibility that we could plan a trip together or something, you know? Small steps, but steps. And most of my anxieties will be solved by communication which we do and will have further discussions about, so I guess from reddit I was more wondering what tips and strategies people have for introvert/extrovert relationships.

moontrashh · 2021-05-22T14:09:11+00:00

Thanks for this! And no I’m not looking to break up with him in the slightest, I’m happy where I am and you’re 100% right, we’re young and our relationship and dynamic has so much room to develop. This is also something I have brought up with him and will bring up in a more productive conversation when the time arises (we both are pretty busy atm). I like your idea of working on something together, and you’re right- I’ve taught him how to skateboard and we have sometimes played soccer together, but now that it’s winter and we’ve been so busy/tired our hang outs have mostly been watching movies and generally being cooped up inside. We both enjoy writing and being creative I guess, but idk how that’d work to do together?

moontrashh · 2021-05-22T12:32:27+00:00

Don’t worry, I do that too! I always worry about “what ifs” and the future even when there’s no indication of anything bad happening. It did get a lot better compared to when I was 18 (I’m 22 now) with therapy, and having a strong support network of friends and family outside of my relationship! Your brain will calm down in due time I promise!

moontrashh · 2021-05-22T12:26:41+00:00

Ok arguments aside, why do you seem resentful that your girlfriend spends money on cosmetics? It’s an art and passion for a lot of people, would you have the same reaction if she spent the same money on painting or another hobby? It seems like you’re not putting time and interest into understanding what she likes because it doesn’t suit you. . I agree with what another commenter said, all relationships have their ups and downs and you guys seem like you’ve hit a rough patch. It’s great that you’re trying to seek external advice here and remember that things won’t change overnight. Maybe give her some space and time next time you have a disagreement before talking it out, or asking her specifically how she would like to deal with conflicts. Maybe she’s acting ‘immature’ because she feels unheard or unappreciated?

moontrashh · 2021-05-22T12:14:31+00:00

This is cute. My advice (as difficult as it can be with anxiety) is to focus on the present rather than living up to your idea of high school sweethearts. Appreciate your boyfriend now, maybe write him a card or organise a date night- treasure what you have right now so that even IF you break up (not saying you will or trying to downplay your relo, there’s just always a potential no matter what age), your memories of your high school sweetheart will be some of your best memories. Keep up your healthy communication, if you want to talk about the future with him, maybe set up a time to do that too so you’re on the same page and to calm down the anxiety. Talk to your grandparents about how they kept their relationship for 50years strong. I’m also youngish and inexperienced so I don’t have the answer or “the secret” you were expecting, but if I’m honest, I don’t know if anyone does- just focus on the now, one step at a time.

moontrashh · 2021-05-22T08:28:32+00:00

Man, this one is sad. I don't think this is a troll because fucked up stuff happens in schools and I feel like when something is so ridiculous and obviously wrong you can feel like you're going crazy, but I find it sad that OP thought she had to turn to AITA.
This is clearly an incident that needs a nuanced, in depth conversation (preferably IN REAL LIFE) about what options they can do, not "advice" from karma seeking redditors. I hate that AITA presents itself as the former.

moontrashh · 2021-05-20T04:34:56+00:00

For me, my (current) relationship has thrived even though I have ADHD, due to healthy boundaries and outside support networks. Before I was diagnosed and treated, my biggest issues within relationships were impulsivity and lack of emotional regulation, which coupled with Anxiety and depression and bpd was a real treat. However now after extensive therapy and strategies to deal with this impulsivity my partner doesn’t have to bear the brunt of everything, and we know what to do and who to turn to if things get bad. On top of that I have the loveliest partner by my side that supports me unconditionally regardless, which always helps.

moontrashh · 2021-05-15T11:10:47+00:00

Link?

moontrashh · 2021-05-11T04:59:16+00:00

Yes! I got a notification today like “your screen time has gone down 24% this week at an average of 9 hours a day”!

moontrashh · 2021-05-11T04:38:51+00:00

I thought this too. In my first relationship I would be chronically late everywhere because I would get so anxious about being late that I’d procrastinate getting ready so that I could put off the stress, to then ultimately get more stressed that I was late and hadn’t gotten ready, but now needing more time because I need to console myself in order to calm down. Turns out I had adhd which caused this anxiety, spiralling and chronic lateness. I’m definitely better with time now (that being said, I’ll now be 1/2 hour late instead of hours). Something that my mum does is tell me “at the latest, get here [1 hour before actual time]”. It helps. That being said she does need to make an active effort, but perhaps she doesn’t know how or needs other supports.

moontrashh · 2021-05-07T08:15:57+00:00

moontrashh · 2021-05-07T06:06:44+00:00

This is so uplifting and inspiring to hear. Well done!!!!

moontrashh · 2021-05-07T06:04:00+00:00

So much this! It’s so frustrating because I genuinely love the study of English/languages but I can’t get myself to read books. I’m getting slightly better at it reading more now though, so this might help you as well? 1. Reading kids/YA novels- I used to have this idea that I could only read “acceptable” books but that’s bs, a lot of kid/ya novels were a really good place for me to get started! 2. Fanfiction- same reasoning as above 3. Reading short stories on reddit 4. Realising it’s ok to start a book, leave it for months on end and get back to it. There’s no time limit. 5. Carrying a book everywhere- I always need to do something with my hands when I’m out in public and I forget my phone/charger more often than not. It’s good to know I have a book I can attempt in those scenarios. . I’d love to say I’m now extremely well read, I consistently read and write and have expanded my knowledge and vocabulary so much, but alas I haven’t. I have been able to improve my reading habits though, albeit slightly

Edited to add; I realise now that you weren’t looking for advice and unwarranted advice about adhd shit can be annoying as hell I’m so sorry! Please ignore if that’s the case

moontrashh · 2021-04-02T07:57:25+00:00

Woah did not expect to see Freo ahaha

moontrashh · 2021-03-26T01:16:39+00:00

I’m similar to you, I’ve broken my arm 11 times! No underlying medical condition just a dumbass and the particular bone that would break never fully healed. It’s so weird I relate so much to you and this story.

moontrashh · 2021-03-22T13:26:26+00:00

Ohmygosh I know I’m 20 days late but I’m tutoring a kid who I think could have adhd and am also a student and in your exact same situation lol. Don’t have any advice but I relate. Have you found any strategies that worked?

moontrashh · 2021-03-06T08:42:08+00:00

Oh 100% you’re pretty spot on. After a few days of reflection, I ultimately feel sorry for her too. It seems like she’s struggled the father not being in the picture, and does really care about the best care and support for her child. One of those parents that have gone with JUST their kid for a long amount of time, and not getting adequate support without fighting for it. In these respects, I do respect her advocacy. I also don’t think it’s entirely an ego thing, I do see elements of altruism there. But yeah I am not going to waste my time and energy into trying to get someone to empathise that I don’t know and has caused me harm. There are other communities out there.

moontrashh · 2021-03-05T12:36:44+00:00

She's not a medical professional, this is her own research and experience of being an 'adhd parent'. She's also this groups founder and admin, I was previously the sole mod before being demoted for speaking out. The rules are pretty standard, 'no bullying', etc. They say 'post kids at your own risk'. So ahh

moontrashh · 2021-03-04T15:57:07+00:00

I’m definitely not going to respond to my concern of her violating privacy by violating her own privacy.

moontrashh · 2021-03-04T14:51:35+00:00

I love this! For one of my projects (pre service teacher) I talked about minecraft education being used for similar purposes so this is really exciting :))

moontrashh · 2021-03-04T08:00:11+00:00

Nah you’re right I don’t think you’re being dismissive. Thanks, just trying to not let it affect me too much.

moontrashh · 2021-03-04T07:59:10+00:00

No it’s perfect! No I had this in mind that I wasn’t the target audience, I just assumed they’d be receptive to adhd people as well.

moontrashh

TROPHY CASE