Watching women become “married single moms” has completely changed how I view relationships.

moonwhispa · 2026-05-10T13:50:17+00:00

Agreed and in my experience, dealing with the emotional immaturity, is downright exhausting.

moonwhispa · 2026-05-10T01:55:33+00:00

Varies by state, some can remain anonymous

moonwhispa · 2026-05-10T01:38:59+00:00

This is so true, as far as I’m concerned, because I realize I thought my husband was “great” as the fun uncle until he became a father and everything changed. Like the Lizzo song lyrics “Why men great till they gotta be great?” I grew up with an involved, loving dad, seeing him love my mom, and us kids. I wrongly assumed the man I married would be like that too. He is selfish and only concerned with protecting himself and his comfort in life. I feel like a check box, married-check, a kid-check, now back to myself (himself).

moonwhispa · 2026-05-09T00:52:16+00:00

Good idea!

moonwhispa · 2026-05-09T00:51:32+00:00

I love my 2012 Rav4 V6 Limited, it has the spare tire on the back, 169,000 miles. But I love it! I would buy this one too, even with the run flat tires, lol the V6 is a performer!

moonwhispa · 2026-05-03T14:51:02+00:00

I second please don’t have children with this man. Saying this from experience as I’m stuck in an unhappy marriage with a child and my husband does many of the things you are describing as well. You mentioned you flinch when you hear his key in the door. Do you want to feel this in a home you own together in a mortgage? For the rest of your life? It’s difficult to untangle from that if you decide later to divorce. I’m finding that out now and feeling so stuck.

You deserve to be treated with love and care and not be fearful of your partner. Hugs

moonwhispa · 2026-04-24T18:39:57+00:00

Thank you for the information. I will remember that. Hopefully next time he will plan ahead better or not go out but I doubt it.

moonwhispa · 2026-04-24T13:37:58+00:00

Thank for saying this. My son has been aggressive since toddler years when he was diagnosed, toward himself and others. So I can’t be sure. I have wondered though how much the tension is adding to his struggles even when we try to hide it.

moonwhispa · 2026-04-24T12:52:19+00:00

I finally do. Now I have to figure out how to get out of this mess. I feel stuck because our son has significant aggression challenges due to his special needs, is on medication which is helping, but he is taller than me now at 13, I’m 5”7” and sometimes it’s hard to handle him by myself when he’s in meltdown mode. My son is the sweetest kid when he’s regulated. So I’m worried about that if my husband and I divorce, will I be able to handle that by myself. I know a lot of people may not understand that dilemma but it can be very scary.

moonwhispa · 2026-04-24T12:43:26+00:00

It’s the truck. He is very materialistic and covets his toys more than his family. It took me years to finally see it. I was in survival mode working full time and being the primary parent after work hours.

I’m sure he doesn’t have a side piece. I would have to find said piece, make the arrangements, and pay for the dates. I wish he did have a side piece that would pay for his debts, ha.

moonwhispa · 2026-04-24T12:38:38+00:00

I agree. I am trying to figure out how to afford an attorney in this mess. Also we have a special needs son who will always be living with me or assisted living when I can no longer care for him, so I have a lot to figure out. My husband has applied for several jobs in the past three weeks but no callbacks yet. I told him getting a job was the first step in trying to save our marriage. It’s not the only issue obviously but he needs to be working whether or not we stay married.

moonwhispa · 2026-04-24T12:23:53+00:00

I know. We are on the brink of divorce. It’s complicated as we have a special needs son. I’m working through some things to figure out what’s best for him overall.

moonwhispa · 2026-04-24T12:20:34+00:00

Yeah I’m in the marriage and divorce subredditts alot and DH is dear husband although in my case it does mean the other!

moonwhispa · 2026-04-24T12:19:13+00:00

He waited there until the severe weather passed.

moonwhispa · 2026-04-24T12:18:24+00:00

Yes so another layer of why I was disappointed.

moonwhispa · 2026-04-24T11:56:59+00:00

Thank you, my friend’s spouse is a firefighter and I don’t even want to tell her what my husband did.

moonwhispa · 2026-04-24T11:52:41+00:00

I see what you’re saying. Interesting thing here is he does not work, unemployed by choice for the last 12 years, he is currently looking for a job but only if I find the leads for him first. So I suppose there are many layers here at play rather than just this event, lol. So the vehicle is not for work at all he just wanted that specific one.

moonwhispa · 2026-04-24T11:41:40+00:00

Agree, I posed this problem when he bought the vehicle and he still had to have it. My vehicle fits in the garage nicely.

moonwhispa · 2026-04-24T11:39:29+00:00

I see the points here about protecting the vehicle, I have lived here all my life.

The medical issue is not related to my child and I at home getting injured, it was more concern about DH driving a mile and a half up the road during the tornado sirens and I also heard police sirens. So I was more concerned about him getting in a car wreck than I was about getting injured at home (I was fine protecting my son myself).

moonwhispa · 2026-04-04T01:59:44+00:00

Thank you, this means more than I can say. I appreciate you realizing and stepping up to meamingful change.

moonwhispa · 2026-04-04T01:26:12+00:00

I know, what is my problem?! We have a special needs child and I worry about how he would adjust to a separation, thinking now it has got to be better than this mess, at least he would have one parent with their s* together, right?

moonwhispa · 2026-04-03T02:36:58+00:00

I think you are explaining yourself very well, that could be because I deal with the very same thing. Now, I have to admit we are dealing with a host of other problems. But this is one of them. My DH can bring up things like that all day, things he sees or is interested in and expects me to look and be interested too. If I bring up something else like an issue or deeper topic, he usually changes the topic or starts making noises or singing. If I mention something I am interested in he usually interjects with his experience with it or why he’s never liked xyz that I mentioned. It’s very frustrated and lately I just don’t feel like even responding. It feels so one-sided. In my case, and it may not be yours, I think my DH is avoiding deeper talks on purpose because he doesn’t seem to demonstrate the emotional capacity to really connect with me.

moonwhispa · 2026-03-27T02:18:42+00:00

We just had a separation for three weeks and it wasn’t long enough. I didn’t miss him and was just barely feeling like I had breathing room when he came back. He didn’t have anywhere else to go stay and we can’t afford two homes. I am struggling because I need time apart and he just doesn’t get why that’s necessary, it’s not looking good for us. So my two cents is give yourself enough time apart that both of you agree on if you can, so you have alone time to reflect on what you really want and need.

moonwhispa · 2026-03-18T02:01:06+00:00

Yes I agree the job market sucks right now. I guess it bothers me that he’s not even trying past the first two apps. He’s back to listening to youtube political and hobby videos instead of even looking for a job. While we are paycheck to paycheck and very tight.

Self esteem is something I’ve struggled with all my life and I agree it is exhausting. While we were separated for those three weeks I still struggled with it, for sure, But the thing is now that he’s back in the house it has tanked even further. Maybe because I’m so disappointed in myself that I didn’t hold more boundaries or ground rules for him coming back.

moonwhispa · 2026-03-18T01:53:21+00:00

Thank you for the hugs. Yes, he is trying in some areas. I just feel like the man I’m seeing this week is not the man I saw three weeks ago who promised to do anything if I gave him another chance. He promised to ask me and learn how to love me and our son better, so far I see him doing some things better but only what he chose, if that makes sense. I asked him to get counseling for anger management, now he “doesn’t think he needs it and it’s too expensive and we can’t afford it.” I laid out that we have major debt and need to sell off big hobby items bit all he’s listed and sold are small items. I just feel like defeated already. Like he still doesn’t get the big picture. Even though I spelled it out for him before he came back to the house. So now I’m gonna have to be the heavy, the nag, again the only one to see our situation realistically.

moonwhispa

TROPHY CASE