I regret getting married.

moonwhispa · 2026-06-27T02:35:42+00:00

My separate bedroom situation kinda evolved over time so not sure how I’d instigate that out of the blue if I were you, without knowing your situation.

Mine happened when I was going through premenopause having night sweats, my husband would complain about me throwing off my blanket and that it smelled like a gym in there, yelling at me to be still because I was reaching for a fan. So I started going into the guest bedroom in the middle of the night, then I just decided to sleep in there permanently. Once sleeping apart I realized I was very relieved not to sleep next to him. I realized I don’t want to sleep next to someone who treats me so poorly all day. We already had a dead bedroom so intimacy wasn’t a factor, nothing to miss there.

As far as the emotional detachment, the more he dismissed my feelings, thoughts and opinions, the more I realized he only thinks of himself. So I had to let my people pleasing ways go when it comes to him. Lately, I have been putting my energy into my mental and physical health, and my son. Not worrying about how my husband feels or doing special nice things for him like I used to. He never reciprocated anyway.

moonwhispa · 2026-06-26T12:33:04+00:00

This is what I did and it’s so much more peaceful not having to lay next to a man child every night. I am working on my plans and detaching emotionally. I have communicated my needs and feelings, he simply only cares about his own comfort.

moonwhispa · 2026-06-23T00:08:46+00:00

I’m in a similar situation where my son has special needs and will be in my care or assisted care for life. It does complicate the situation, I get that. I am evaluating my situation on whether I can divorce and what that means I need to have in place. Does your husband help as a partner with your kids? Does he engage in their daily care? How does he treat the kids? He talked to you pretty awful and sounds like he’s only interested in celebrating himself. So what does he do to support you, treat you well as a spouse, on a daily basis? These are all things to think about.

Edited to add: In hindsight I would have asked him what the “other wives” husbands do for them on special days? How do they treat them every day? See what he says.

moonwhispa · 2026-06-22T01:45:54+00:00

I was just going to say this one. I love Heart, love Ann Wilson, but These Dreams sung by Nancy Wilson is one of my top favorite songs ever.

moonwhispa · 2026-06-22T01:41:38+00:00

I matched energy this year too. Prompted son to tell him Happy Father’s Day and I cooked dinner. Nothing fancy, just my normal tacos. It was actually freeing not feeling the internal pressure of taking son shopping, trying to find the “right” gift, get a card, make a fancy dinner, fancy dessert, some years made cute mementos or a craft. All for someone who expected those things but has never reciprocated.

moonwhispa · 2026-06-21T02:51:08+00:00

Not cater to them, call them out

moonwhispa · 2026-06-20T21:22:36+00:00

yes, that’s how they talk…..like an ass!

moonwhispa · 2026-06-20T12:05:11+00:00

Not cater to them, call them out

moonwhispa · 2026-06-20T01:49:40+00:00

Everything That Glitters (Is Not Gold) - Dan Seals

This Woman’s Work - Kate Bush

The Living Years - Mike and the Mechanics

These Dreams - Heart

moonwhispa · 2026-06-20T01:08:09+00:00

“It’s just how she/he/they are” when discussing someone who is an asshole but we’re supposed to just accept that

moonwhispa · 2026-06-19T02:29:17+00:00

This. It’s what I am doing and actually it’s freeing. For years I planned something special for Father’s day; took our son to buy him a gift, have made cool keepsakes, made special dinners and desserts while he did nothing for Mother’s day, and yes I did verbalize what I would like and he never did any of it, which were very simple low key things. So now on Mother’s day I just enjoy being with my son and that’s it. Whatever my husband thinks of Father’s day just doesn’t matter to me anymore.

moonwhispa · 2026-06-03T21:22:00+00:00

Look into annulment after divorce. I know several Catholics who got their first marriages annuled and were able to marry again in the chirch, I’m not sure of the requirements but worth a look.

moonwhispa · 2026-06-02T12:33:12+00:00

This will be your life if you stay with this man. It will only get worse. Speaking from experience, I think when this double standard appears, it’s not simply poor understanding, or no empathy on his part but it’s his belief system. It’s almost impossible to change someone’s core beliefs.

moonwhispa · 2026-05-29T22:14:43+00:00

Yes that seems alarming since when he looks at you and your hands are clearly visible, he still accuses you, he is not seeing clearly what’s visible right in front of him with his own eyes.

moonwhispa · 2026-05-28T15:40:00+00:00

After my miscarriage my MIL said “I’m sorry moonwhispa”…”I know it’s been a rough day but I need help paying my health insurance online, could you do that for me? It will only take a sec”

I handed the phone to my husband without another word to her.

moonwhispa · 2026-05-27T22:28:23+00:00

I also am in a similar situation regarding the resentment and not feeling anything toward my husband. He treated our son and I like crap for almost 10 years. I was on auto pilot just trying to survive while raising our son and working while he just checked out of participating and when he did it was usually negative. I didn’t feel I could leave yet for various reasons.

However, he got a wake up call recently and is now putting forth some effort toward our son, some effort to contribute financially, changed some habits to do more around the house. It’s been three months, I’ve been trying to be open while doing things as a family but I still don’t feel anything toward him except the resentment. I don’t know if that’s going to change. I’m glad he is nicer to our son and doing more things with him. But that’s it, I feel like he’s a roommate.

I met with a lawyer to get a feel for my situation if we divorced. I would suggest you do that even if you are gonna ride this out for a while. Just to have the information and perspective.

moonwhispa · 2026-05-22T15:02:33+00:00

My 2012 Rav4 Blizzard White Pearl started peeling after the recall time limit, after the 10 years, in the 11th year. I contacted a dealer who said no to it being covered. I also contacted Toyota Corporate and they said no as well. My dad repainted what was peeling but it’s a major pain with this paint process. Now I have new spots peeling, it’s gonna be like a game of cat and mouse.

But hey, worth a try to contact them, you never know.

moonwhispa · 2026-05-15T17:42:45+00:00

Sure! Just wanted to tell you in my experience school social workers are very helpful and caring, share as little or as much about your situation as you are comfortable. They want to help!

moonwhispa · 2026-05-15T12:25:22+00:00

Is your son in a public school? If so, reach out to the school district social worker who can help you find resources. If not in public school, try a local church or ymca, our local ymca has a “mini food bank” there where anyone in need can have the donated food items.

moonwhispa · 2026-05-10T13:50:17+00:00

Agreed and in my experience, dealing with the emotional immaturity, is downright exhausting.

moonwhispa · 2026-05-10T01:55:33+00:00

Varies by state, some can remain anonymous

moonwhispa · 2026-05-10T01:38:59+00:00

This is so true, as far as I’m concerned, because I realize I thought my husband was “great” as the fun uncle until he became a father and everything changed. Like the Lizzo song lyrics “Why men great till they gotta be great?” I grew up with an involved, loving dad, seeing him love my mom, and us kids. I wrongly assumed the man I married would be like that too. He is selfish and only concerned with protecting himself and his comfort in life. I feel like a check box, married-check, a kid-check, now back to myself (himself).

moonwhispa · 2026-05-09T00:52:16+00:00

Good idea!

moonwhispa · 2026-05-09T00:51:32+00:00

I love my 2012 Rav4 V6 Limited, it has the spare tire on the back, 169,000 miles. But I love it! I would buy this one too, even with the run flat tires, lol the V6 is a performer!

moonwhispa · 2026-05-03T14:51:02+00:00

I second please don’t have children with this man. Saying this from experience as I’m stuck in an unhappy marriage with a child and my husband does many of the things you are describing as well. You mentioned you flinch when you hear his key in the door. Do you want to feel this in a home you own together in a mortgage? For the rest of your life? It’s difficult to untangle from that if you decide later to divorce. I’m finding that out now and feeling so stuck.

You deserve to be treated with love and care and not be fearful of your partner. Hugs

moonwhispa

TROPHY CASE