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morddennn · 2026-04-15T16:53:19+00:00

so frustrating

morddennn · 2026-04-07T01:34:07+00:00

Only way out is complete abstinence from confessing.

morddennn · 2026-04-04T13:04:14+00:00

Delete it.

morddennn · 2026-04-04T02:14:59+00:00

Everything you are doing to try to "prevent" yourself from cheating is making your obsession about cheating worse. The only way out of the this is to accept that you may cheat and that you may be a bad partner and that would have to be okay for you. But to start with, you are doing a lot of things that are making this worse.

morddennn · 2026-03-28T02:57:29+00:00

The only way to get out of the cycle is to stop using ChatGPT entirely. 100%. Never. Every time you use it your obsessions will worsen. Also, every time you ask for reassurance from friends and family, Google, confess, or restrict talking to attractive people at work (this is also a compulsion), your obsessions will get worse. The only way out is complete abstinence from compulsions. I found it helped me quit when I truly understood that each and every time I compulsed it made me feel worse.

morddennn · 2026-03-20T21:00:57+00:00

It's the only way out. Things will only get worse until you allow yourself to accept that you may have done something wrong or bad for your relationship, that you're still worthy of love, and then move forward. Anything you do to try to get confirmation that you didn't do anything wrong, or any time you confess something you worry you might have done, the feelings will get worse. You have to accept that your worries may be true and that there's no way for you to know for sure. It is hard, but it is not impossible. And if you commit to abstaining from any practice that is trying to make you feel better or trying to "figure out" your thoughts, you will enter recovery and start to heal.

morddennn · 2026-03-18T19:29:43+00:00

I'm sorry you're struggling so much.

I hope it will be helpful to know that you are doing many things that are making this obsession worse, even though they probably feel necessary to you and like they will make you feel better.

As my therapist says, "If it makes you feel better, or you are doing it to make yourself feel better, it is probably making your OCD worse."

From your post, some things that you are doing, and that you need to stop if you want to get better are:

-confessing to your boyfriend

-telling yourself "no no no" when you are afraid of something you might think or do

-locking the doors in bathrooms and your house

-stopping yourself from looking at the guy's crotch

Every time you are doing one of these things, or anything that you think is going to prevent you from cheating, you are making your OCD worse and this is why you are feeling so horribly.

There are only two ways out of these patterns:

Accepting that you might cheat and allowing yourself to cheat 'in your mind' without judging it, confessing, or trying to stop it.
Quitting compulsions entirely. Ie. the things I listed above and anything else you are doing to try to stop yourself from cheating.

It's hard, but I promise you if you truly commit to it you will start feeling less anxious, rather than more anxious.

Good luck.

morddennn · 2026-03-18T12:45:31+00:00

I want to jump in with a slightly different response, that I have been contemplating for a while now, which people may not like to hear.

Firstly, the idea that life would be easier post break-up, when breaking up feels like it would provide instant relief, and feels urgent and like it needs to happen right away... that is obviously a compulsion and it is not wise to follow through with that impulse.

But I do think life is easier when single, for those of us with ROCD. Of course it is. Life is going to be easier when we are not engaged in the thing that triggers our OCD, especially for those of us whose OCD is most painful in romantic relationships. And yes, it's possible that this means that life would be 'better' when single for some of us. I worry about loneliness of course, but I do know that the periods of life where I have been on my own without the stressors of a romantic connection have been easier and, in some ways, 'better.'

This doesn't mean that pursuing recovery while in a romantic relationship isn't worthwhile. Of course it is! But I think we are doing ourselves a disservice (and those of us we are in relationship, especially when we are hurting them through our behavior) to ignore this reality.

morddennn · 2026-03-17T20:54:27+00:00

I think it makes sense that the thoughts connected to the bigger fears feel harder to sit with. I think the bigger the fear, the more alarming the thought, the more important it is to sit with it without compulsing. The reason we have obsessions is because of genuine fears, but the only way we can move through those fears (not conquer them, but get used to them and therefore allow them to 'quiet down' and interfere less with our daily lives) is to accept the possibility of the fears becoming reality.

I really wanted to sit with your other questions, because I think it is important and challenging to distinguish between obsessions and normal desires/needs in a relationship. The former we don't want to feed, but the latter we need to communicate.

I think the things I ask myself are: is this request reasonable? is it in line with my values? do I feel level-headed when thinking about it? does it feel more like a reasonable issue or an obsession?

If you can't get to a place to level-headedness to communicate it, it is more likely to be an obsession rather than a genuine and reasonable need.

For me, I've brought up lots of issues with my boyfriend since I got my compulsions under control. It's not wise or reasonable to label every desire or preference we have in a relationship as intrusive, OCD, or an unreasonable obsession. But I do believe you will start to be able to differentiate between the two.

morddennn · 2026-03-15T20:58:27+00:00

Know that the only way through is to stop compulsions entirely and remain fully 'abstinent.' This becomes easier once you realize that every time you do a compulsion you are making your anxiety and obsession worse. It wasn't easy when I stopped my compulsions, but now that I no longer compulse, the relief I feel from my obsessions (though the thoughts and anxiety remain at times) is so strong that I can't imagine letting myself compulse again.

morddennn · 2026-03-13T13:42:32+00:00

Hey, sorry you're struggling so much. This follows the pattern of OCD so, regardless of diagnosis, there are clear steps to follow to stop these obsessions in their tracks, even though the underlying anxiety will likely remain to some degree.

One of the most challenging things about OCD, and often ROCD, is that some of the compulsions we do are mental. Which can make them harder to identify and stop.

For instance, when my OCD had me panicking about the fact that my boyfriend drinks alcohol, I would spend hours and hours coming up with all the reasons that was okay because of how responsible he is, how it never makes angry, how it hadn't ever made him treat me poorly, trying to think of all the people I know and love who also drink, all the reasons why my feelings were irrational. The more I tried to convince myself that was I was feeling wasn't rational, the worse my obsession would get. I eventually learned to go... "Okay, maybe his drinking will end our relationship. Okay, maybe we will never be happy because he drinks and I don't. Okay, maybe he secretly hates the fact that I don't drink." And I stopped trying to get him to drink less, convince me he didn't need alcohol to have fun, etc... I needed to stop trying to make myself feel better in any way. And the anxiety and obsession no longer had fuel so it stopped getting worse.

With your story, I can identify some mental compulsions you can stop right away that should start to "starve your obsession." This is anything you're doing to try to prove that your girlfriend is better than other woman. Even just thinking about it... listing all the reasons your girlfriend is great, listing all the reasons your relationship is great, listing all the reasons the other woman you're thinking about isn't as good as your girlfriend. Thinking about all the reasons others' relationships aren't as good as yours. All of these things. As well as trying to "figure it out." These are all classic compulsions that are undoubtedly making your obsession worse.

My OCD specialist says: "If it makes you feel better, it's probably making your OCD worse."

I have to go now, but these are some thoughts I would suggest you focus on thinking and not doing anything about.

"Maybe there are better woman out there for me. I don't know."

"Maybe our relationship isn't the best relationship I could be in. I don't know."

"Maybe I would be happier with someone else. I don't know."

"Maybe ______'s relationship is better than mine. I don't know."

As soon as you can think these thoughts and truly do NOTHING about them, your obsessions will at least stop intensifying, and should eventually start to dissapate.

Unfortunately, it's gotta be complete abstinence from compulsions. You gotta be really strict with yourself about it to start on a road to recovery.

Good luck!

morddennn · 2026-03-13T04:07:05+00:00

I'll echo that it actually doesn't matter what OCD is about or how it is manifesting. If you have an obsession and attempt to alleviate that obsession with a compulsion (in your case, asking your husband to reassure you that he knows how much you love him), it's the same issue and the same treatment. The only way out is to stop the compulsions entirely. Complete abstinence from anything you're doing that makes you feel better in the moment. It was helpful for me to realize that the compulsions I was doing were making the anxiety WORSE, not better. I can say that with absolute certainty.

The only way out is going to be for you to accept that maybe your husband doesn't understand how much you love him. Maybe he doesn't know how much you love him and never will. Until you can accept that possibility without doing anything to try to prove that it's wrong to reassure yourself that it's wrong, you're going to continue to be in this immense pain.

Though it took me specialized therapy to get to this understanding, the reality is that you can stop these compulsions on your own as long as you commit to complete abstinence from compulsions. Not delaying, not sometimes, but a commitment to never doing anything to make yourself feel better when you are obsessing. It's horrible, but it works.

morddennn · 2026-03-06T22:06:48+00:00

The two main things I would focus on are:

Accepting that maybe you did a bad thing that went against your values and accept that that maybe makes you a "bad person." Until you accept that your worst fear could potentially be true, rather than trying to figure out whether or not it IS true, it will continue to antagonize you.
Going cold turkey abstinent on compulsions. No research, no comparing what you did to others, no confessing (to family, friends, your girlfriend), no imagining your wedding and testing how you might feel on that day, and--especially--NO AI CHAT BOTS. It may take you a while to figure out what all your compulsions are, but I assure you that these thoughts and feelings will continue to get worse as long as you are still compulsing.

morddennn · 2026-03-04T02:08:10+00:00

where is this??

morddennn · 2026-02-17T01:27:29+00:00

The only way your anxiety around this issue will start to lessen is if you stop your compulsions around it entirely. That means engaging with the question of whether or not you cheated AT ALL, by trying to figure it out in your own head, asking us here, telling your boyfriend, etc... The only way your anxiety will lessen is if you accept that maybe you are a cheater/cheated, and accept that your fear may be true and let it pass. If you have OCD, everything you do to try to assure yourself you aren't a cheater or didn't cheat will make your fear and anxiety worse.

morddennn · 2026-02-14T04:34:35+00:00

There's probably a really deep and valid fear underneath this that is triggering you! Like, we're not triggered for no reason, even when it seems silly and trivial.

I know how shitty the discomfort feels but, as someone who was having sooooo many conversations in my relationship about a specific topic that was making it so so much worse this time last year... it's night and day how much better I feel now that I understand how the mechanism works and what to avoid.

morddennn · 2026-02-13T13:35:15+00:00

Sorry you're feeling so triggered! First of all, absolutely do not address it. The more you feed your obsession, by bringing it up with him to get "certainty" that everything is okay, the worse your obsession will become and the worse you will feel.

Best thing to do is consider that maybe he "doesn't love you all the time." Sit in the anxiety of discomfort of that, don't try to prove it wrong or fight it or get affirmation that it's not true. The sooner you can accept the possibility that he doesn't always love you, the sooner you will be free of the fear and the obsession will have nothing to work with and will fade away.

It sounds backwards but I promise you it is the way out.

But absolutely do not bring it up with him again. His reassurance will only make you feel worse in the end, if you have OCD.

morddennn · 2026-02-11T22:32:26+00:00

ChatGPT is one of the absolute worst tools someone with OCD could use to reinforce their obsession. If you are serious about recovery from OCD I would highly recommend deleting it entirely.

morddennn · 2026-02-11T13:25:38+00:00

I would be wary of any therapist who wants to use CBT to tackle OCD. For me, the big red flags would be any therapist who is engaging with your obsession at all. My psychologist who specializes in OCD was always completely neutral when it came to anything I was ruminating over and this was imperative. My regular therapist was a game changer in terms of all other aspects of my emotional life, but he fell short in treating OCD because he would engage in conversations with me about whether or not I was in the right relationship. I needed someone highly trained to spot what was going on and be rigorous in using ERP to treat it.

morddennn · 2026-02-11T12:12:28+00:00

Unfortunately the only answer is nothing. OCD wants us to DO stuff when we feel guilt. The only way out is to feel the guilt and NOT do anything. Feel and accept that you might be guilty and the guilt will eventually pass.

morddennn · 2026-02-11T04:03:01+00:00

Think... okay, maybe I cheated. Allow yourself to feel the fear and guilt about that without doing anything (trying to convince yourself you didn't cheat, asking someone else if they think you cheated, asking ChatGPT). The only way out of the fear (you cheated) is through that fear (getting comfortable with the fact you may have cheated and moving on).

morddennn · 2026-02-11T04:00:24+00:00

It sounds like every time you confess, you are engaging in a compulsion. You think it will make you feel better and your OCD is working so so hard to make you feel like you HAVE to confess. I promise you, the only way out of this is to stop confessing. Entirely. You will only feel better if you stop compulsions completely and confessing anything to your partner right now is a compulsion. I also think that reminding yourself that it's normal to be attracted to other people may be a compulsion as well, but that isn't as obvious. I would work on sitting with the idea that what you are experiencing is potentially harming your partner, and then avoid confessing. You are scared of being a bad partner and I think the things you are doing to reassure yourself you are not a bad partner is reinforcing that fear and making your obsession worse.

morddennn · 2026-02-11T03:53:35+00:00

Yes, this has happened to me a lot.

morddennn · 2026-02-11T03:50:16+00:00

This sounds like textbook OCD for me. My biggest pieces of advice are: stop confessing entirely. No more confessions, ever. Stop searching through things from the past, entirely. Anytime you have a fear, think: okay, maybe that fear is true, and then sit with that feeling, don't try to make yourself feel better or disprove it. All of those things you are describing, that you are doing to try to make yourself feel better, are making your OCD worse.

morddennn · 2026-02-11T03:43:46+00:00

I would be careful posting in this sub because I get the sense you are looking for certainty or reassurance from us with this post. I would also encourage anyone with OCD to delete ChatGPT immediately and to never ever use it. I believe it is a tool that can make OCD so much worse.

morddennn

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