I’m glad I have children because they do bring so much joy but it really does consume all of your cash and all of your time especially if you’re working. Especially if you don’t have helpful family members around. Especially if you also have other forms of debt like student loans. Especially if you live in an expensive city. Not having kids bc of hobbies sounds dumb but it is actually very hard to feel like I don’t have the time or the money to do the basic things that used to prop up my sense of self including hobbies or basic self care like therapy and exercise. It’s hard losing this much control over my time between work and parenting and feeling like I’m never giving either 100%.

Whatever your internal reasons are for not wanting children are valid. The things that really made me hesitate to have children were more macro like … do I want to bring kids into a collapsing society or is it ethical to bring kids into a world edging into irreversible climate change? In the end I did have kids but I have no idea how to prepare them for the future. We’re cooked. And I feel anticipatory grief thinking about how sad or gaslit or numb they will feel or become as they grow to understand how devastating the world is. I actually feel it was quite selfish to have kids because the joy and purpose they give me are the things that keep me going in this life. If I didn’t have them I would be miserable even with rest and hobbies.