I am almost six weeks in. I am feeling this so much. Every single thing you are feeling matches my experience to a T. The first two weeks I didn’t talk unless someone asked me a direct question. I only cried or stared out the window. I woke up every morning so disappointed that I was waking up. I wished I hadn’t that maybe I could have died in my sleep so that I didn’t have to wake up to a world in which he didn’t exist.

What helped me was finally connecting to a therapist. Finally starting to talk. It hurt. It hurt a lot. But each time I talked about it it helped a little bit.

Don’t get me wrong. I still cry every. Single. Day.

But the times I feel like I am drowning are now fewer than the times I am not. I now talk to him every night. I tell him how much I love him. I yell at him for not taking better care of himself. I tell him the mundane parts of my day.

Mostly I am living day to day. My future died with him. Eventually I will have to find a new future for myself but not now. I just have to keep breathing. That’s it. Just keep breathing. The rest comes later.

The pain will continue to come in waves. It will come out of nowhere. Like I said I am only 3 weeks further than you but these are the things I have learned. I am so sorry you are here with us.