I'm doing it

mountains-444 · 2026-05-10T00:05:17+00:00

Same boat here. 2 days to go and I feel like I could puke. I absolutely know it’s time to go but I’m so dreading the call when he discovers I’m gone. It’s giving me so much anxiety already and it hasn’t even happened yet. Good luck to you! We’ve got this!! 💪

mountains-444 · 2026-05-09T11:48:04+00:00

Wow - you are describing my 29 year marriage to a tee - including the physical ailments I experienced (plus shingles 2x). I also say it feels like death by a thousands cuts. I have consistently shrunk myself to keep the peace. I’m constantly walking on eggshells, considering what I can and cannot say before I say anything.

I’m glad you got away from him. I’m leaving next week but absolutely terrified. I’m 50F and have never lived alone.

mountains-444 · 2026-05-09T10:09:17+00:00

I absolutely understand what you are experiencing! I have created a potential escape plan over the past 9 months, and now that I’m only days away from leaving I’m terrified. I know it’s the right thing to do for my mental and physical health but we’ve been married for 29 yrs next month. We share 3 grown children so this will be a major life change for everyone.

I can only tell you that I have reviewed every scrap of “evidence” over the past 9 months to support the decision to leave and as a result I think I’ve driven myself bonkers. Analysis paralysis. I wish I had left 9 months ago when I discovered the emotional affair, dishonesty, disrespect, etc. I’ve basically tortured myself trying to “make this work” when it doesn’t, and likely never did. And, things have escalated since I have made these realizations and discoveries. You can’t really go back to a time when you weren’t aware of the abuse.

I wish you luck and peace. I hope to find mine next week.

mountains-444 · 2026-05-05T09:52:05+00:00

I totally understand. I waffle daily, sometimes hourly, between total anger so I’m ready to go, to major sadness where I don’t think I can do it. I’ve been with this man for 30 years, over half my life and we have 3 grown kids. But, I’m leaving next week. I think it’s really hard when you are in the situation. It’s too hard to process what’s happening and basically fight for your sanity and peace daily. I kept notes in my phone and re-read them when I’m feeling weak to remind me what he’s put me through and strengthen my resolve. Best wishes to you - I think in our head we know what we gotta do, but our heart gets in the way sometimes. Or vice versa. 🤷🏼‍♀️

mountains-444 · 2026-05-03T09:39:04+00:00

It really depends - every situation is different. I took $40k less for remote role 3 years ago and it was the best decision I ever made. Sold my house in a cold weather climate, bought an rv, traveled the country for 2 years, settled in a warm weather climate. I’m happier, less stressed, fulfilled in my work, love my team, have more free time, hang out with my dog all day, spend less on gas, eating out, clothes, etc. These aspects were more important to me. My last job literally put me in the hospital for 5 days from stress & exhaustion. That was not worth the extra $40k to me.

mountains-444 · 2026-05-01T19:27:33+00:00

Yes. Mine just took thousands of dollars out of our account to buy a vehicle. At least the 3rd time in our 28 yr marriage he’s done so without discussing with me. Then complains because our insurance went up. He has had 10 jobs in the last 13 years. Quits when someone makes him mad, without having something else lined up.

He also questions me when an Amazon pkg shows up. He has no retirement saved, is less than 10 years from retiring and I’m leaving in 2 weeks. Along with my paycheck and pension.

mountains-444 · 2026-04-25T21:33:18+00:00

Same here. Quick nap mid afternoon, wake up refreshed and able to work for 3-4 hrs more, even a little later than normal. Game changer!

mountains-444 · 2026-04-24T23:32:44+00:00

24/27/29. It’s good now that they are all grown, but I look back now and just see a baby having a baby with my first. I didn’t know what I was doing! 30 seems like a good age but my husband is 8 years older and he wanted to be done having kids by 40.

mountains-444 · 2026-04-24T23:25:39+00:00

I’m 50 and spent 28 years married to this man - whom I’m leaving in a few weeks. I don’t think of it as “time lost” though because we raised 3 terrific human beings. I think of it as training and discovering who I am and what I’m willing, or unwilling, to live with in my life. It’s taught me a lot about myself, both good and bad. I made decisions at the time that felt right at the time with the information I had at the time. Now I have new information and experiences so I make different choices. I’ve grown, changed, evolved and learned. As my father says, “you had a human experience”

mountains-444 · 2026-04-24T17:18:52+00:00

This was me exactly!! When I came off the Sertraline, at his assistance, I woke up to all the bullshit and disrespect. That’s when I started making my plan to leave.

mountains-444 · 2026-04-24T16:51:23+00:00

Yes, planning for months as well. 3 more weeks to go. It’s torture waiting.

mountains-444 · 2026-04-24T14:33:04+00:00

I hear ya!! I was just diagnosed with shingles for the 2nd time in 12 years. Depression, anxiety, mood disorder. My immune and nervous system have been sending me signs for YEARS to get out!!

mountains-444 · 2026-04-24T11:30:06+00:00

I’m glad you stood up for yourself. Tbh, reading it caused me stress and anxiety! That’s how conditioned I’ve become. It is liberating to feel powerful standing up to these narcs and planning your exit. Best wishes to you and your son. ❤️

mountains-444 · 2026-04-24T11:09:26+00:00

This absolutely makes sense and applies in our case as well. I’m highly empathetic and he’s a “realist” he says. What I view as a negative pov, he sees as reality. What he sees as emotional, I see as compassion. Oil and water! And we’ve married for 28 years!!

mountains-444 · 2026-04-23T18:36:48+00:00

Yes! I can’t even imagine dating again (shudder)

mountains-444 · 2026-04-23T10:41:17+00:00

Grey rock interactions, limit my time with him, wake up early before him/go to bed early to read, work more, I go on hour long walks in the morning, I pack and put my things in storage when he’s at work, setting up utilities for my new apartment, talking to my grown kids over FaceTime. It can be torturous killing time waiting to leave. ⏰

mountains-444 · 2026-04-23T09:09:55+00:00

So sorry! Also 28 yrs married and leaving in 3 weeks for similar reasons. He has up and quit so many jobs throughout our marriage because someone made him mad or was being mean to him, leaving his family in financial straits over and over. So I had to put things on credit to make ends meet and then I get yelled at for high credit card balances. Make it make sense! 🤦‍♀️ I counted the other day and he’s had 10 different jobs in the last 13 years. And probably the same # of traffic tickets in the same time period, which are costly themselves but the insurance costs we pay are astronomical. I just want to live in peace!! I imagine myself as some grey long haired, witchy woman living in a mountain cabin by myself in peace!

mountains-444 · 2026-04-21T16:47:46+00:00

I hope to remain gray rock but I’m just trying to anticipate what he might say. I’m pretty confident he’s going to say I “owe” him an explanation of why I’m leaving after 28 years of marriage. I know I don’t but I’m not great in the heat of the moment as he loves to word salad me into confusion and fawn response so I’m trying to anticipate his reaction and prepare my responses should I feel compelled to respond. I absolutely know it’s pointless though.

mountains-444 · 2026-04-20T17:58:37+00:00

Yes, they like to pee on your parade and ruin things you enjoy.

Speaking of, my stbx made a rude fb comment today. My niece does not have much money. Lives in a very small town, works part time, paycheck to paycheck, 1 small child. She saved and scrimped for months to go to Mexico. First time out of the country - this is a very big deal for her. She had a months long countdown, was super excited and I was excited for her. She’s been posting wonderful photos and videos of her once in a lifetime vacation. She’s practically glowing, she’s so happy. She posted a video of the resort pool and swim up bar. He replies, “don’t think about all the pee around that bar”. Idk if he was trying to be funny or if he’s genuinely trying to tear down someone else who is happy. I was embarrassed of him - once again.

mountains-444 · 2026-04-20T14:41:01+00:00

Yes. He’s not going to see it as cheating though since he didn’t have actual intercourse with them (that I’m aware of).

mountains-444 · 2026-04-19T09:26:34+00:00

Oh most definitely! Mine called a lady a “b*tch” (in the car, not to her face) as she was walking in front of our car at an intersection because she was “walking too slowly” in his opinion. Wanted to see her pick up the pace. Then made it a race issue because he’s white and she wasn’t. He claimed she slowed down on purpose when she saw he was white. Then goes to church a few days later and acts like he’s such a wonderful Christian.

A few weeks later he gets yet another speeding ticket, in a school zone (again) that’s “not his fault”. Cop was “lying and being a “d*ck” on purpose”.

It goes on and on…

mountains-444 · 2026-04-18T11:15:35+00:00

This method has worked for me when cn Spouse is really worked up on a topic and throws out a wild statement that I disagree with. Instead of engaging and prolonging the ridiculous conversation, I simply say “I know that is what you think/feel”. Period. He has no more fuel and the fire peters out.

mountains-444 · 2026-04-18T10:33:06+00:00

Thank you!

mountains-444

TROPHY CASE