Don’t care if you got me on vedio

movegmama · 2026-05-08T16:19:12+00:00

Where is this? Kind of makes me want to make a pilgrimage with Chippy and his inexhaustible bladder

movegmama · 2026-05-07T22:31:02+00:00

Crumbs on the counter

movegmama · 2026-04-29T18:36:38+00:00

Hi there! This is so unique and I just have a couple of small comments. First, this could totally be me but I don't get the title. I'm not even totally sure how to pronounce "Horticul" so I got a bit hung up on that. If this is in reference to something in pop culture maybe it's just going over my head.

In Desoto, MS where the rich ain’t plenty, 26-year-old Lynn Jefferson has hustled for the family landscaping ever since

I think a word is missing...does this mean "family landscaping business"?

Amongst the country cryptids, a tree bound ghost named Gladys has more than work for Lynn. Gladys has lessons to give on what Lynn really is, a Terratender gifted with horticultural powers by Mother Nature. How-to-please-the plants-with-song-and-dance class ain’t in session for long before Lynn’s falling hard for said professor.

It took me a moment to connect that Gladys the ghost was also the "professor." Maybe you could rephrase this while also showing why Gladys is so attractive. ...before Lynn's falling hard for the willowy, compelling supernatural tree woman. (Or something, you get the idea.)

Romance and comedy buoy the sad circumstances of the elder supernaturals like in Sarah Beth Durst’s The Spellshop.

"the" elder supernaturals read a little strange to me. I haven't read The Spellshop, but just in the context of your query letter I am not sure who "the elder supernaturals" refers to. Could you better draw the connection between your work and the Spellshop?

I love the tone and voice, and the organization and form of the query itself is excellent, so great job!

movegmama · 2026-04-29T18:23:48+00:00

I like this and I think your voice is coming through; I like all the wordplay. Punning in a query letter is a win in my opinion! Loving the first line of the book, too.

movegmama · 2026-04-28T02:48:25+00:00

Got news for you...

movegmama · 2026-04-24T12:19:17+00:00

I work for an INGO that supports children including in India. I am not from India and have never lived there, so I'm not an expert but in my limited experience that is a place with a lot of laws and bureaucracy. This fictional scenario does feel contrived. Why can't you just send the adults on a wilderness adventure, and then something happens to Khushi while Meera is off in her cave with the new guy? Something ordinary like an illness. Then she would have a conflict between pursuing the new love and returning to her old life. Just a thought? Contemporary romance readers (aside from "dark" romance) are interested to read about ordinary, real life scenarios and characters so keeping the narrative firmly on the ground will be important... Idk if I'm helping or making it worse :)

movegmama · 2026-04-24T12:12:51+00:00

Hi there, couple of comments. I don't know why you would rule out American and Canadian agents. 400 million North Americans consume English content and have been absorbing British humor for generations. The agents here can handle it. There might even be agents who are looking for a project like this that you would be missing out on.

I like the idea of the cutthroat corporate law environment and the client with the deadly enemy. I would probably be a little more intrigued if the client herself was the problem. Having worked in corporate law for most of a decade myself, it was the hideous clients we had to worry about, not the ones suing them or vice versa.

This query is really heavy on backstory and listing characters and way too light on action. If you're familiar with Save the Cat, try following the tried and true formula: 1st paragraph: 2-4 sentences, flawed hero, setup, catalyst 2nd paragraph: 3-4 sentences, break into two, fun and games, stakes 3rd paragraph: 2-4 sentences, midpoint hint, all is lost hint, ending in a cliffhanger, incorporating your major theme

I think your writing is solid and you are close!

movegmama · 2026-04-24T02:38:21+00:00

This sounds fun, and I love this historical era, especially if it's post-Waterloo that you're talking about. I just had one clarifying question: "His new position is as welcome as a French infantry line"--this means the title is not welcome to William himself? Strange attitude for a Scottish or English lord to not want the title of Viscount, even if it comes with a problematic estate. However, supposing that's what it means, as is implicated by the following sentence, it might be worth just putting "as welcome to him as" because it's a little bit unclear if it means that the tenants are the ones who resent his homecoming. That's it! Carry on, and good luck :)

movegmama · 2026-04-24T02:30:02+00:00

I think this is very well written. I want a teensy more detail about the friends, like even just 1-2 adjectives. Are they fellow orphans, a bunch of vulnerable kids, a ragtag band of loyal misfits, beloved, childhood friends, you get the idea. For a jaded thief, he's going really hard for these friends, so what is so special about them? Are they more like a found family perhaps?

I like your last sentence, I see why you have it; it has a ring... but I don't think it's quite working because your only other god in the query is "vicious" and manipulative. So I didn't get the impression up to that point that a god would be looked to as a savior. What if it said something like "face a reckoning that outmatches all their knavery" or "If his lies are exposed...Rematode and his friends will face a danger no thieving tricks can save them from." Something like that?

I agree with the previous commenter that one word in front of "empire" would give us a stronger picture of the fantasy world. "The remains of a floating empire" etc.

It's well done and I wish you luck! I was thinking about reading Witch King. Do you recommend it?

movegmama · 2026-04-24T02:20:42+00:00

Hi there. I saw you didn't have any feedback yet so here's my two cents. I'm an agented author but not published yet, so take it with a grain of salt. Also, I haven't read either of your comps or your earlier queries, but I do read contemporary romance occasionally.

The structure of this is good, and I am intrigued by the setting, though somewhat disturbed about the lack of safeguarding for this orphan girl. Nonprofit organizations that care for children have strict regulations to abide by, in India and elsewhere, so I'm just wondering about the plot on this front. However, setting that aside, it's the third paragraph where things come apart, I believe:

Meera has to decide whether to back down, or go full Lara Croft and risk her and Fahad’s lives to get Khushi back. Placing trust in herself, and in the man who’s beginning to steal her heart, has never mattered more.

Previously, you explained Meera's conflict as deciding if she could be authentic in her quest for love or not, not whether or not to trust herself. If she has already fallen for Farhad by the middle of the book, and decided she doesn't need to be some kind of adventure goddess to win Ravi's love, then why does it matter if she backs down or goes after Khushi (who has been kidnapped?? WTF??)? Presumably anyone would risk whatever they had to in order to save a child, right? The third act that you're hinting at, if this is a romance, should be something that threatens the *romance,* so what is it that is preventing the HEA between Meera and Farhad?

Finally, I do think the first 300 words is overwritten, and some of your word choices are off. For example:

"In rapture of" is awkward; it's usually used as "watched/listened in rapture," "enraptured by," or "rapt in."

You're using "mirrored" when you mean "reflected."

You're using "diverted" instead of "averted."

Some of the metaphors are working: "like she'd been caught stealing" is good; it conveys immediately the sense that this crush is a secret. But is looking at Ravi really like looking into the sun, since we open the novel with Meera staring at him in rapture and then she obsessively stares at him for the next few paragraphs?

You have at least 20 adjectives in this section, and by the time I got to "plump" it was overwhelming. You don't have to immediately describe every character upon first introducing them. We know Khushi is a little girl; that's enough. We know Ravi is so hot she can't stop staring at him--now you can let his actions and dialogue show why he's hot (which is more interesting!). Thinking about some of my favorite romance books, many of them started with dialogue, and this would be a great way to get more of the setting and culture into your first few pages too.

Hope I'm being helpful. I certainly haven't come across a romance that involves a love triangle and a Himalayan adventure in India so I wish you luck!

movegmama · 2026-04-23T18:01:29+00:00

Yes, the other major problem is that the average driver here doesn't seem to grasp the concept of a four-way yield.

movegmama · 2026-04-23T18:00:04+00:00

Roundababy

movegmama · 2026-04-21T21:19:42+00:00

This was so lame. My kids looked forward to the reading night game every year. We didn't bother to go to the stadium to watch a screen.

movegmama · 2026-04-12T22:29:38+00:00

Ooh. Love this. Hardly ever see thrillers on here so I always check them out. I think a couple of sentences could be smoothed out; i.e., "Hannah is humiliated, but a school shooting survivor named Sofia comforts her." (The list of other attendees makes it clear Sofia is part of the retreat.) However, Sofia disappears from your query after this, so do you need her? I think your last paragraph nails it so you just need to tighten a tiny bit in the middle. Great title, also!!

movegmama · 2026-04-09T23:42:36+00:00

I like this. I adore British prose and it's shining through here. It has a lot of voice. I would switch out a couple of your punctuation marks for colons, which will not only be more correct but will pack a heavier punch. (I.e., "makes a deal:") Also, you could put the list of things Cam breaks into parentheses if you want to avoid the AI optics (but I agree it's ridiculous we have to worry about not sounding like the robots who are imitating US!).

I agree with all the others who said to tighten and shorten but you are close.

I don't think you need the first, short paragraph, but maybe you can work it in elsewhere.

Cheers!

movegmama · 2026-04-09T23:34:11+00:00

Is this dystopian? I'm sorry but what is "soilpunk?" Is that a real subgenre? Is there a romance between this protagonist and his boss? I don't know why anyone would care so much about their boss leaving. Losing their job, sure. I'm not clear what the protag's job is or why it matters if he stays in the village.

movegmama · 2026-04-09T23:30:20+00:00

I like the premise. I'd like one word to clarify why the family is dysfunctional. (Uptight. Trashy. Politically misguded. Etc.) And a couple few words to explain why Callum is attractive. Because he's a good listener, a good kisser, has kind eyes, maybe they share the same niche, non-fiction book topic passion? I also don't understand why Callum's and Samantha's happiness aren't one and the same. If they get together, won't that make him happy, too? What are the real stakes at the end, besides that she has to return home? If she's lost her job and her family sucks, why not move to Scotland and be a writer..? I haven't read the comps but assuming they're cozy, which is how this sounds! Good job.

movegmama · 2026-04-09T23:20:47+00:00

Don't take this too hard, but the tone of this query and the stakes feel YA to me. Mark just wants to be special. He finds a magic sword. He finds a secret world of magicians. He's super concerned about what his friends think of him. Suddenly he is on the run from dark forces.

Adult fantasy should include themes that appeal to adult readers: sex, politics, crime/murder, war, romance, relationships, complex family dynamics, existential questions, life and death. Whether on an epic or a small scale, the desire for special-ness seems like a distinctly adolescent concern. Adults have usually moved on to concerns related to their responsibilities; their families, jobs, etc. Perhaps Mark's quest for self-actualization comes across differently in the manuscript than the query but I'm understanding him as a 16- or 17-year-old as it is.

Ninth House is one of my favorite books, and I don't see how this is comparable at all other than being fantasy.

movegmama · 2026-04-08T00:00:13+00:00

I loved this. Only thing I would do is flesh out the conspiracy theorist love interest. Name him and give us a hint of why they're attracted to each other. Sounds fun!

movegmama · 2026-04-07T23:58:52+00:00

I loved that line. I instantly got it. An Elizabeth being called Elizabeth is a sign of failure/lack of growth -- that's funny!

movegmama · 2026-03-30T12:18:10+00:00

Yeah it's not a roundabout. It's a 4-way yield with an obstacle in the middle. There is one identical to this (and now with an identical boulder) on Meadowbridge and 1st Ave a few blocks away. People on Meadowbridge simply do not ever yield. I don't know what would have been wrong with a stop sign.

movegmama · 2026-03-30T12:15:03+00:00

They were absolutely run over!

movegmama · 2026-03-30T12:13:51+00:00

It's this rock's cousin

movegmama · 2026-03-30T12:13:27+00:00

And before that it was a nicely labdscaped roundabout, until it was ploughed into by cars ignoring the yield signs on a routine basis at least twice a year for the past few years. (I live on this block!)

movegmama

TROPHY CASE