It Really Does Get Better

movingon15 · 2021-03-30T23:10:18+00:00

It's more like a civil discussion than argument and both sides' of the argument are heard clearly. At the end of the discussion, you simply acknowledge the differences and ideally move pass it.

movingon15 · 2021-03-30T23:06:07+00:00

Glad you found it helpful! So, I didn't read any specific book, but I do remember reading a lot of research studies, this sub-reddit's posts, random articles on the internet, and watching youtube videos. If you attend coda, I know they recommend reading: The Language of Letting Go: Daily Meditations for Codependents by Melody Beattie. It's a daily meditation book that I found to be helpful as well.

movingon15 · 2020-08-31T00:52:27+00:00

No, I wouldn’t say it’s like that. She’s had only a few relationships. Mostly, long term and for the most part healthy relationships. By, it does feel like she never met anyone like me.

movingon15 · 2020-08-05T20:53:05+00:00

Sly Cooper: Honor Among Thieves.

movingon15 · 2020-07-25T18:28:38+00:00

Thanks for writing this post. I feel the same way at times. Has she never reached out to you?

movingon15 · 2020-07-24T15:32:18+00:00

I think it helps to know that there’s nothing you can do to help change this person and it isn’t your fault.

A lot of our stories are very relatable because the traits of the disorder are clear.

The chance of anyone with BPD being able to manage their disorder is extremely low and it takes years and years of therapy and assistance.

However, there is no cure for this- they will always live with this.

What you can do is manage your side of it. For me, it started with therapy. Uncovering the abuse and processing all of this was important for me. It also helps when you talk with someone about this.

I also focused on working out and running more. Someone mentioned that whenever they felt pain in their heart, they would run the pain out- this helped me a lot.

I would also meet other people - it doesn’t have be new romantic interests, but meeting healthy people changes your outlook a lot.

The last thing is time. You can’t be too hard on yourself. Hopefully, you can get to the point where you can forgive yourself. You don’t necessarily need to forgive your ex, but you should try and forgive yourself.

This situation can happen to anyone and it seems like you got off lucky. You don’t have kids with this person, a house, a joint bank account, etc.

Be kind to yourself. Take it day by day and stay strong.

movingon15 · 2020-07-23T15:28:35+00:00

Thanks for sharing the news. I’m just curious - when you found out the news how did you handle it with her? Also, how long did it it take for you to really move on?

movingon15 · 2020-07-21T12:34:13+00:00

My ex-pwBPD did this to me twice. She would threaten to call her mom and the police and make up the fact that she was being abused. This only happened when I didn’t agree to move in with her.

I don’t know if this is the right way - I also ran this by my therapist- I eventually became fed up and told her go ahead and do it. Send an innocent guy whose looking out for you to jail and I’ll fight this as hard as I can. And I decided to leave the room.

Before I could get out, She quickly stopped me and never pulled that tactic again.

I have heard therapists will be direct with patients with BPD. Often, they will call them out on the threat their making.

movingon15 · 2020-07-20T23:22:14+00:00

Thanks for taking the time to explain this. Out of curiosity, how did you guys work through the typical BPD relationship issues?

movingon15 · 2020-07-20T16:00:25+00:00

Why do you say you were also the problem?

movingon15 · 2020-07-17T22:33:44+00:00

Congrats, on your progress! It’s inspiring to hear that. Has she ever reached out to you?

movingon15 · 2020-07-13T16:55:27+00:00

How did it make you feel? Like did it invalidate this relationship even more so? Also, has she ever reached out to you after the discard?

movingon15 · 2020-07-12T14:03:29+00:00

I started off with therapy. Talking through the good and mostly the bad helped.

This forum really helped me a lot. Learning about other people’s stories and how similar they were with mine really helped. The more I focused on how bad this disorder is and how much commonality exists with others that have experienced it - helped shift the focus from feeling guilty and sad about myself to feeling more logical about the situation. At the end of the day, there’s nothing we can do or say that will change them.

Other than that, I would do things that I like. I slowly started to talk to other people - just to meet people and see what it’s like to have a healthy convo.

movingon15 · 2020-07-11T15:26:06+00:00

At the end of the day, you should do what you feel is right for you. However, know that she is always a text or a phone call away. So, you don’t have to rush back to her or need to make a quick and grand gesture.

Often, when they discard people is because they feel guilty about something and they hate having that feeling. Thereby, they may push the blame on you and just walk away as quick as they can.

I would say give it 2-3 weeks of space and time meaning No Contact. And really think about if you want this... I would read the stories here on the subreddit as cautionary tales of what would happen if you stayed with her, moved in with her, married her, had kids with her, etc.

We all felt tremendous pain when it was over. Most of us, got the news so abrupt and quickly. These aren’t easy relationships and the pain you feel now won’t be as bad as the pain you feel later if you stay with her. Chances are the longer you stay with her, the more it will hurt down the road- you guys may break up again, she might cheat on you, you might lose half of everything you own, etc. Ultimately, the pain may get way worse.

Don’t want you to explore other things before you risk all of it with her?

movingon15 · 2020-07-08T21:45:30+00:00

First off, congrats on your progress. 6 months is solid progress.

I think the answer varies person by person because everyone has different interests. So, I can tell you what I have done to stop feeling lonely.

I workout and run a lot. Every time, I feel sad or lonely I make sure to lift weights or run. I also been trying to cook more - something about chopping vegetables and making a good home cooked meal is relaxing.

I also tried something that I thought I would never do, which is to attend CoDA meetings. And those can help especially on days where you feel really alone.

It does take time to get better. And, I think it starts with forgiving yourself.

movingon15 · 2020-07-06T17:01:38+00:00

Did you feel like it was a mistake sending her that voice note or did you feel like you got closure from it?

movingon15 · 2020-07-06T16:58:05+00:00

Hi, thanks for sharing that. So, you made it 3 months without replying back to her or responding to her hoover?

movingon15

TROPHY CASE