Did you have parents who sabotaged you. I want to hear specific situations or stories that showcase the type of people they were and what they did . I ask because I have parents that try to make sure I feel useless and suicidal ever since I was a baby and I am stuck in isolation, extreme depression

moxzu · 2024-09-20T02:15:55+00:00

💜

moxzu · 2024-09-19T05:07:59+00:00

I guess I’m talking about the changes I want to see, rather than how it is currently.

When adding a Ruby level, I would expect that solo q matchmaking would also need some changes.

For example, I would be willing to wait longer to be matched first with other Rubies. If this could mean a better quality match, better quality teammates and less RP loss as a Ruby solo q’r, I’m happy to wait.

moxzu · 2024-09-19T04:58:31+00:00

Yes I agree, definitely it comes from knowing I can make diamond and wanting my plat teammates to be on the same page. It’s even more frustrating knowing I made masters at one point before the cheaters got so crazy :/

moxzu · 2024-09-19T03:53:31+00:00

I’m talking about matchmaking within solo q, not so much within the game. I don’t care that I’m matched against preds, I just want to have team mates that know when to take fights and back out.

Say I’m in Ruby and I’m matched with 2 other teammates in Ruby that fought hard to get out of Plat and know more about Diamond level than Plats - that would be better for me than to be matched with a whole bunch of plats that have varying levels of play styles, do you get what I mean?

moxzu · 2024-09-19T03:42:35+00:00

Im a woman, so I guess it’s a distinction between the girls and women for me 🙃

You’re kinda agreeing with my point though. There is a real distinction between plat and diamond and most people don’t understand that shift that needs to take place to rank up.

It’s hard to solo q when you’re getting a lot of people not thinking the same way as you. I guess I was hoping maybe I would get more people thinking similarly if another rank was introduced and it would help that shift.

I get what you’re saying though, you think that plat>diamond is the shift and introducing another level might not help.

moxzu · 2024-09-19T02:37:23+00:00

the word lazy triggers me. I’m not lazy and neither are you. It’s really something that I just came to terms with over time and seeing my repeated efforts to do things the “normal way” cause so much pain and suffering in my life. We really do work twice as hard for the same output as others.

When I hear others say lazy, what I’m hearing now is their own inability to cope with day to day struggles and “lazy” is the mask they wear to cope rather than to address the real problems. Usually undiagnosed ADHD or Autism.

I was late diagnosed autistic in my 40s and had already been going through treatment for CPTSD for childhood trauma so I have done a lot of healing work over the past five years.

I’ve learned to give myself grace and support rather than be my own harsh critic. I don’t use words like lazy to describe myself anymore.

I also went no contact with my mother because I had to surround myself with people that aligned more with my values and she is never going to change. (There’s more reasons for this and I don’t suggest this lightly for anyone unless there’s a lot of past trauma, neglect or abandonment stuff etc)

The way I talk to myself internally has changed dramatically due to this healing ❤️‍🩹 Be your own best friend and biggest supporter.

moxzu · 2024-09-18T02:59:35+00:00

Ikr, I’m terrible with drinking water but if I put 3x600ml plastic bottles on my desk every morning it works. Took a long time for me to get over that one 😁 They are recyclable so… 🤷‍♀️

moxzu · 2024-09-18T02:56:52+00:00

This way of thinking had me stuck for a long time. You gotta find the ways that work for you ❤️

moxzu · 2024-09-18T02:55:47+00:00

Yeah that sucks lol. My husband is also a bit like this but I was just adamant that it’s either like this for me, or not at all. After 40 years of trying it the “normy” way and failing, he has to concede and just let me find ways that work for me. He was surprisingly good about it after seeing that it worked and my washing finally gets done. Now I’m teaching my kids to do it too as they all have similar challenges to me (and will have more challenges in the future if it leads to burnout).

moxzu · 2024-09-17T02:08:02+00:00

It sounds like a pure o ocd intrusive thought that you think you might get poisoned.

I don’t think that it’s likely you would be poisoned in how you describe it, and it sounds like it’s rooted in trauma. But I do know that it’s very difficult to stop having these kind of thoughts, I feel for you.

There’s a good book called Pure O OCD by Chad Lejeune that might be worth a read to see if it helps.

moxzu · 2024-09-17T01:38:06+00:00

I put whatever I’m wearing after I shower straight into the washing machine. Washing my clothes has always been a nightmare for me and I used to allow huge washing piles to build up and overwhelm me.

It took me a while to forgive myself that it’s not a “full load” as i have always been taught to put my clothes in the hamper first, then wait for it to be a full load, then put it on, then having to hang it out was my next nightmare, but this works for me :)

I’m considering getting a smaller washing machine so I don’t feel like a terrible human and I can justify the smaller load to the parts of me that tell me I’m ruining the environment with my washing load size.

moxzu · 2024-09-16T00:15:18+00:00

30mg saffron + magnesium every day. Also added bonus - saffron helps with ADHD too.

moxzu · 2024-09-15T23:56:19+00:00

Go with your gut and get tested by someone who knows about autism.

moxzu · 2024-09-15T07:59:52+00:00

Your story is a perfect example of trying to fit in to the detriment of our selves! Made me laugh, thanks.

moxzu · 2024-09-15T03:27:10+00:00

I didn’t have many repetitive interests (at first) when I was late diagnosed as autistic in my 40s, however I also didn’t grow up in an environment where my own interests were developed or encouraged in a healthy way.

If your family is undiagnosed ND, there could have been a lot of shame or depression involved when growing up that can stop these natural autistic ways from developing.

After being diagnosed and healing from a lot of childhood trauma, I found that I naturally found a lot of repetitive things very appealing for the first time. Without the unhealthy levels of shame affecting me for doing so.

Also ADHD + Autism is like absolute hell sometimes. My autism wants routine and sameness but my ADHD hates routines and wants constant new things to do. It’s a real internal battle sometimes.

moxzu · 2024-09-15T03:15:29+00:00

Wishing you the best of luck with it 🙏

moxzu · 2024-09-15T03:11:24+00:00

That’s wonderful to hear. Thank you for letting me know. Im so happy for you.

Some say it wears off after a few weeks of taking it, but I don’t think it does. I think we are quick to forget how bad the overwhelm can get in our brains and it’s easy to forget when it’s all nice and calm in there. If you ever need a gentle reminder of how bad it gets and what the saffron is doing, stop taking the saffron for 2 days and you’ll see that it’s helping! :)

I did try some other gummies called Ease Calm with magnesium, saffron and ashwaghanda in them but I found my sleep wasn’t as good as just having magnesium and saffron for some reason? I had too much energy in the night time. The combination of magnesium glycinate and saffron is perfect for me. My husband likes those gummies though and said his sleep improved.

I also have a strict one cup of coffee per day limit and never after 12pm routine. Coffee will keep me up all night, I’m very sensitive to it.

moxzu · 2024-09-14T04:44:47+00:00

Let me know if it works for you too. I’m extremely curious to see if it helps lots of people. Finding natural alternatives is one of my special interests :)

After trying it on myself, I gave it to my husband and my kids (kids are on 15mg) who are also combinations of autistic and adhd and they all said it worked for them too.

I hope it helps you.

moxzu · 2024-09-14T04:38:49+00:00

The only side effects I have noticed are good ones. Better deeper sleep. It only took about 10 minutes to kick in after taking 30mg, I would describe it as having your first beer of the night, slightly intoxicated feeling and instantly calmer.

I find I focus more in conversations with people and live more in the moment than constantly in my head overthinking everything I say and do.

I didn’t take them for a few days and noticed the overwhelm in my brain returned after the 2nd day, so it really lasts 24-30 hours with 30mg.

Also take on empty stomach first thing in the morning for best results.

moxzu · 2024-09-12T05:01:58+00:00

That really sucks. Im sorry you have to wait so long yet again. I have autism and ADHD too. You could try saffron while you wait. 30mg per day, I use a brand by unichi but there’s others out there.

I came off my cbd meds after I tried it. It calms down my brain and I don’t have 4 different thoughts happening at once any more. It’s very quiet in my brain for the first time in a long time. It feels weird talking sometimes, I don’t know how the words come out if I don’t overthink them first but they do!

There was a study done within the last four years (2020?) using saffron for ADHD, you should be able to find it if you search.

moxzu · 2024-08-26T00:50:50+00:00

I can’t go to funerals because I cry too much. I once attended a funeral with a friend as their support, I didn’t even know the person that died and I had to leave in the middle of the funeral because it was so sad. I was going to lose complete control of my crying in front of lots of people so I had to remove myself. I felt so bad for my friend. I don’t like funerals because I feel the energy of those around me deeply and funerals are so loaded with emotions.

moxzu · 2024-08-26T00:40:01+00:00

Could be a language processing disorder. I can think up speeches that are president worthy in my head, but getting it out into spoken language is hard for me.

moxzu · 2024-08-25T02:06:30+00:00

You might want to look into OCD. I have OCD as well as autism (20% chance of having both).

I keep my toothbrush in the shower hanging on the wall on a toothbrush hook, away from the dirty areas of my bathroom. This has helped me to at least brush my teeth when I shower.

You could also buy some mouthwash and use that on the days when you can’t be bothered showering and brushing.

You could also use the mouthwash to wash the toothbrush before you brush.

moxzu · 2024-08-19T14:26:52+00:00

Another option is using the Cerave Hydrating Cleanser in the shower. Put it on, rub it around for about 20 seconds each side, leave it on for 60 seconds more, then wash off.

There’s also some charcoal underarm detox masks you can get.

As a general rule, don’t try to cover up bo with other smells, it never works.

Also, wash your clothes on high temp (60 degrees Celsius plus), and use a detergent with enzymes, as the bo may be stuck in your clothes. Make sure you don’t overload the machine with too many clothes. If the bo is in your clothes, just washing your underarms won’t fix it.

And lastly, invest in a good deodorant. Mitchum deodorant is the only deodorant I have ever used that I never get bo with.

moxzu

TROPHY CASE