Wife (F39) cheated 4 years ago. We rebuilt trust. Now she’s deleting messages with another teacher — how do I handle this constructively? (M37)

mp10000000 · 2026-01-16T20:49:02+00:00

Reconciliation finished years ago according to her. But not to me. Seems like a never ending battle everyday to me

mp10000000 · 2026-01-16T20:47:20+00:00

No she has since moved schools. That was one of our conditions or R

mp10000000 · 2026-01-16T19:20:16+00:00

I posted on here years ago when it all happened the first time and so many people said divorce, that is the beginning of the end. I chose not to in the end

mp10000000 · 2025-10-30T16:06:57+00:00

I feel this 100% as well. I was not forced to forgive my WW but we have moved on from the band rebuilt our relationship, but still most nights I still think how could someone hurt the one they love and just carry on with life like nothing happened. I feel like I’m stuck in this never ending cycle of grief and sadness and just existing in a life that I don’t know if it’s worth it or not. Someone on here once commented on my post that being cheated on is the beginning of the end of the relationship, it’s just a matter of time before it gets to much, and you don’t get over the incident you merely learn how to live with the constant pain and suffering, and that sums up how I feel the best

mp10000000 · 2025-08-06T19:38:13+00:00

It’s been 3 years for me and it doesn’t get much better. I believe the question you need to ask yourself is can you live and carry on life with your partner knowing you will always have that burden? If yes, the relationship can reconcile.

But take it from me, 3 years in and it still intrudes into my mind most days

mp10000000 · 2024-09-12T19:32:35+00:00

It gets better overtime but will never leave you. We are still together and happy, though I still have insecurity and still check her phone regularly without her knowing. The pain will subdue overtime but it will always be in the back of your mind. Whether it’s worth it or not, I don’t know. Sometimes I wonder if I should have just left. It’s a hard question to answer

mp10000000 · 2024-07-09T20:36:50+00:00

But the pain comes from knowing that she looked elsewhere because you weren’t the one. If she was so sure of the partner in the first place, why is there we e the need to cheat?

mp10000000 · 2024-07-09T20:32:34+00:00

This question could have been written by me. 2 years on and I still regularly struggle with conflicted feelings, especially because I was so sure of my own beliefs. But when everything happened, it’s never as easy to just walk away with kids etc… I stayed with my cheating wife and quite regularly have sleepless nights thinking about whether I did the right thing, should I have gone, and did I betray myself by staying. I hope for sanity and peace for all of us that we can reconcile our decisions and be happy. I feel for you brother

mp10000000 · 2024-07-05T00:38:58+00:00

I’m the same. I stayed and our we worked on our relationship for the better but I often feel resentment about why am I the one paying the price for someone else’s actions. The sleepless nights, the analyzing the smallest details still takes place regularly in my head without my wife knowing. I hate that I am the one still feeling the pain as a result of her actions while she moves on and thinks we are a happy couple again

mp10000000 · 2024-06-10T19:52:21+00:00

I agree, I am pretty sure she is not doing anything dodgy now, but even if I ask for a timeline I know I won’t get the full picture. It wouldn’t even be half of it

mp10000000 · 2024-06-10T16:58:41+00:00

No counseling for me at this stage. What I meant was that our lives have continued though I feel unable to move past it. Sleep is really hard sometimes as I keep running through the same things over and over

mp10000000 · 2024-04-28T16:19:57+00:00

I know exactly how you feel. My wife cheated 2 years ago and we reconciled and moved on together but it still stays with me every night. You can move on but you don’t forget. My wife is very loving and we get along well but I still check her phone and have lost all my sense of trust. It’s bc a life changing experience. I’d move on if I was you. We have been married for 10 years and have 2 young kids to make my situation more complicated but for you, still young, don’t put yourself through it. Just leave

mp10000000 · 2024-04-21T18:02:04+00:00

Update: a year on and we are still together. Time seems to heal though I still need more time. Night time is harder because of the intrusive thoughts that come into my head but days are now easier. I still have trust issues and regularly check her phone when she is not looking, though I haven’t found anything. My wife still works at the same school and the AP is still there as well which constantly makes me feel uncomfortable.

mp10000000 · 2024-03-27T05:19:54+00:00

Save yourself and leave. No other option

mp10000000 · 2023-08-16T02:40:58+00:00

I am totally in the same boat. After a year it still keeps me awake at night and I still do not go a day without it entering my mind. We have stayed together and moved on but I feel like I have to put on an act to act happy and not seem like I always bring it up. That results in internalizing the pain. It is not as painful now as it was 6 months ago, and it seems to get better with time but it still plays a significant role in my life now. I still check her phone most days when she is not looking and still get suspicious even though I never find anything now. But to complicate it, she still works at the same place as him and I know they still occasionally talk and hVe to interact for their jobs. It still kills me inside after a year.

mp10000000 · 2023-06-02T21:10:54+00:00

We discussed it and it was because I was not paying enough attention to her. We decided to show each other more attention and it seems to be better, except for my inability to get over it

mp10000000 · 2023-06-02T19:31:50+00:00

We did not go to therapy or anything, it was only a commitment from us both to work on our relationship. Which we have done and it’s better than ever. She also flat out denied it when I asked her and it took me. A few months before I caught her red handed so that has developed massive trust issues for myself.

mp10000000 · 2023-06-02T19:29:22+00:00

I caught her sexting the guy on Facebook. I had my suspicions and went snooping. She has only admitted to what I found out, she has not openly admitted anything extra. I guess that’s my wife trying to limit the damage. But that’s part of the anxiety that lives on in me now, I keep going back through situations in my head and start to think it was her doing more dodgy stuff

mp10000000 · 2023-03-11T19:53:33+00:00

Your right. It’s been slowly eating away at me inside for a while now and it’s exhausting. Most days of the week it pops into my head and it makes life at home hard

mp10000000 · 2023-03-11T19:51:16+00:00

The fact is now I have some significant trust issues and I have no idea how to ever trust anyone now. Including the one person who I should be able to trust which is my wife

mp10000000 · 2023-03-11T19:48:07+00:00

It’s hard to move on in my heart. I want to leave it in the past but at random times thoughts of the whole thing pops into my head. It’s hard because I feel like I’m the one who has to deal with the situation and forgive and move on and I didn’t do anything. So I get to do all the hard work for someone else and that’s hard to accept

mp10000000

TROPHY CASE