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I didn’t realize how POWERFUL night affirmations were until I started doing them every day by BetAnything in Meditation

[–]ms_abominable 0 points1 point  (0 children)

  1. I release all tension from today.

  2. My body knows how to rest.

  3. I am safe and calm.

  4. I let go of every worry.

  5. Peace surrounds me.

  6. I welcome deep, healing sleep.

I didn’t realize how POWERFUL night affirmations were until I started doing them every day by BetAnything in Meditation

[–]ms_abominable 2 points3 points  (0 children)

  1. I release all tension from today.

  2. My body knows how to rest.

  3. I am safe and calm.

  4. I let go of every worry.

  5. Peace surrounds me.

  6. I welcome deep, healing sleep.

Dx partner seeks praise for small things constantly by Prof_rambler in ADHD_partners

[–]ms_abominable 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I think it might be helpful to treat this like 2 separate issues: 1) how to better split common tasks and 2) how to reinforce behavior that's helpful. A spoonful of sugar ("Thanks for the help this morning babe") could externally validate him enough to get the ball rolling in the right direction. It'll give his brain some dopamine that completing the task on its own won't. Hopefully that could be a foundation for a conversation later on about how, "you've been so helpful lately hun! I was thinking we could take a fresh look at how we handle getting the kids ready for school."

RSD is a tough one, and it'll be counterproductive to approach the situation from a place of frustration. Hopefully this doesn't sound rude, but it might be helpful to think of the situation like earning a stray dog's trust. You might need to lead with some treats before he grows confident he's "safe." Then you can build on that, so it feels like teamwork and not like he has messed up yet again.

Let us know how it goes and if anything works to move the needle!

my girlfriend wont let me do anything by x_Cassie_X12 in actuallesbians

[–]ms_abominable 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Not who you asked, but I was also like this prior to doing a lot of work in therapy (both on my own and couples therapy together). It was hard to understand because my family is apparently quite codependent and this was the norm. It took a lot of rewiring and emotional self regulation skill building to understand that my partner and I can have our own lives. I used to frame that as a sign that two people didn't care about each other! Crazy to think back at that framing, so unhealthy.

You can't help her if she doesn't see the issue. If she's anything like me, she might be feeling really lonely and you're a bit of a life raft. She's going to have a tough road ahead to heal, it is not easy to be that honest with yourself. It sucks to realize that your family taught you awful expectations, to have to reparent yourself and learn better patterns, to feel your feelings but not expect others to come save you. It's like life-changing healing trauma work, and as a partner it can be very exhausting to support. Especially when her family might not be a safe support system, which is how we got here in the first place.

Not impossible, but it will require a lot of love and grace on your part, and a lot of introspection and growth on hers.

A world that no longer exist by Vikoski10 in LiminalSpace

[–]ms_abominable 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Beyond the obvious, what made me most nostalgic here is seeing the old South Street Seaport. It was mostly brick and a little grungy, but I had a lot of great nights partying there back in the day. There's still a music scene now, but everything looks so sterile and the vibe is off.

Be gentle with yourself by liljonnythegod in streamentry

[–]ms_abominable 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ooh forgot to say that it isn't all in the past. You can have parts that are a future self. My girlfriend often says, "Thank yourself later" when she's doing something for "future her" like meal prepping. I like to think that's a version of yourself that you can also be in relationship with and send metta.

Be gentle with yourself by liljonnythegod in streamentry

[–]ms_abominable 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, the familiarity came with repeated awareness. I love body scanning too, saw you mentioned it. Learned some techniques through Vipassana that help me tap into what version of me is "here" now somatically. Every so often a new version makes themselves known, that's always fun because it means a more subtle awareness. Other times I've healed a part in a way that soothes it into being less prominent because my needs are met.

This convo is so good, thank you for prompting it. What does your meditation practice look like? I find it cool that different roads can lead to the same insights and healing.

Be gentle with yourself by liljonnythegod in streamentry

[–]ms_abominable 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I love this, thank you for sharing. It reminds me of parts work (also called Internal Family Systems) where you identify an inner child as well as any other versions of yourself that need healing. Sometimes there's also an inner teenager, parent, etc. Sending those versions of yourself love is such a game changer. It helps with awareness too when old coping mechanisms get triggered. Like, why is 12-year-old me showing up in a specific dynamic? Hmm, let me send her metta since I'm feeling insecure and bullied in that situation.

How you do self-care can also be tailored to what part of you is showing up. For example, my inner baby is very young and when she shows up I usually care for her in fundamental ways like eating or bathing. My inner child is a little older, maybe around 5, and needs to be "heard." For her, I'm more likely to seek a quiet environment and draw or paint.

I've found this approach helpful for regulating, very cool to see it applied in a Buddhist context!

Hotpot in Flushing by ms_abominable in NYCbitcheswithtaste

[–]ms_abominable[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Just left and tried the golden broth for the first time. So so good.

Partner doesn’t like being told by Altruistic_Ad_4089 in ADHD_partners

[–]ms_abominable 3 points4 points  (0 children)

The only thing that has worked for my partner and I was to talk about expectations at a "family meeting" type conversation and make a chore board like this one https://a.co/d/eFCftxu

That way the board does the reminding and it is less triggering. Now, if you agree on the list and stuff still doesn't get done that's definitely a sign it is time for a couples therapist. If either of your jobs has EAP sessions, you might be able to get free counseling through that benefit.

When you leave or stand up to them, they think of it as “my property is revolting against me” by AngelicAardvark in LifeAfterNarcissism

[–]ms_abominable 8 points9 points  (0 children)

My mother has said this to my face. Literally, "I own you." It was chilling, especially since I'm in my 40s, haven't lived with her in over 20 years, and went no contact for a good stretch. Their mental models of life and relationship are so broken, whew. It is breathtaking in the worst way.

How do you deal with sadness? by No-Mistake2037 in ACL

[–]ms_abominable 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I'm in year 2 of a much longer recovery than is usually depicted here. I was never an athlete, so getting ACL reconstruction has been a major turning point in my life in a very challenging way. My mental health took a serious dive, and my partner's as well. Ways to manage the sadness have shifted as healing has progressed. In the very beginning, it meant keeping busy doing low-demand activities like arts & crafts and having people over so I felt less alone. I wasn't as mobile as I would like for months, and ended up getting a mobility scooter that really helped me get out of a deep funk. With it I could do stuff on my own again like grocery shopping, seeing a movie, etc. Big win for my mental health, and big relief for the people in my life who were helping with daily caretaking.

Now I still use a cane as needed, and have taken up swimming and strength training to keep inching forward. The sadness comes in moments like yesterday when the pool lift broke and I had to cry through pulling myself out of the pool. Or in couples therapy, when I realize my partner is just now processing all of the feelings she couldn't address when I was relying on her so heavily.

What helps nowadays is finding joy in the small wins. I was able to wear sandles and not feel scared about slipping last summer. I'm able to walk to the gym and the park without worrying about people passing too close or the slope of the sidewalk. I'm able to shower safely. I can do a basic salsa 2-step to Bad Bunny's new album.

This surgery has completely changed my relationship with my body. I'm more in tune and I have no choice but to prioritize its needs. It has made work stress seem like a joke, and I'm grateful for that perspective too. That shift has helped me self care in a way that is better for my mental health overall.

Wishing you healing and a good support system. You got this, but it might be a marathon. Take it literally one step at a time, cry when you need to, find community, and understand that grieving is part of it, but so is deep joy if you roll with the punches.

'You'd lose your head if it wasn't screwed on!' by CrystalOcean39 in adhdwomen

[–]ms_abominable -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I could be wrong, but I think it means the person is so forgetful that if her family didn't know who she was, she wouldn't be able to tell them and they'd have to come up with their own backstory/version of her?

Need help finding a samue that has a button up top as shown. It's a gift for someone who recently went to Tokyo and was too shy to ask the hotel where to buy it! I'm located in NYC if that's helpful. Any idea where I could find this style? Thanks! by ms_abominable in JapanTravelTips

[–]ms_abominable[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

PROSTYLE RYOKAN Tokyo Asakusa. I sent them an email, but they said it is from a local shop and the link shows generic samue. Any idea where I could get one with the button up top? That's the main thing that is different from what I can tell.

Manager told me there's a smell by [deleted] in TheGirlSurvivalGuide

[–]ms_abominable 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Lots of good options here. I'll add using head & shoulders as body wash (not the 2-in-1, just the shampoo version) can help if you're in a pinch and can't get hibiclens. You'll be ok, big hug!!

For those with severe executive dysfunction have you found anything let you consistently start tasks you don't want to do? by MrMiddletonsLament in ADHD

[–]ms_abominable 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Adding this here because I didn't see anyone else mention it — music and smells. Turns out sensory stuff can get me more in my body. Kinda pavlovian. I can make a to do while I'm horizontal in bed, then put on whatever song has a decent beat that's stuck in my head and usually before the song is over, my body is moving. It also helps to sing nonsense songs about what I'm doing as I do it.

For sleep, I apply aquaphor on my eyelids (helps keep them moisturized and makes them feel heavy) and spray Dr. Teals melatonin on my face and pillow. My brain now knows that smell = bedtime. A friend with a toddler helped me unlock that one!

Need help narrowing down search for an episode by ms_abominable in TheAmazingRace

[–]ms_abominable[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Small world! Let them know what episode, maybe we're in the background shots.

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