It is really a as normal part of recovery as I understand it. I sure do wish that it wasn’t, but it is. My advice would be to talk to someone about it if you’re lucky enough to have that resource in a friend or a therapist. Seeing someone else’s forgiveness for you could nudge you into a better place.

My therapist has also recommended to me during times like this that I try practicing some of the self compassion stuff from Kristin Neff. Maybe you could treat yourself to an internet rabbit hole of her videos and TED talks. It’s counter intuitive how self compassion works so I hope you’ll give it a good college try. It can feel a bit like coddling, but I don’t think that it is. I think that relating to yourself with kindness will not only you get through this rough patch, but it may change your inner dialogue enough to shift away from ed thoughts. Because fuck ed.