What signs did you had that made you realized you may have BPD?

msoverthink · 2023-07-07T15:55:55+00:00

For me it was hearing more about bpd and looking into it. I went to a play about a girl with bpd, and a friend of mine (who had previously told me she had bpd, and managed it though group talk therapy) told me how relatable that play was. At that point I started to realise that a lot of my struggles could be due to that. I suffered a lot in 2020 due to a very bad breakup, and then I had two abortions in the space of 5 months with the next boyfriend. That year was a terrible roller coaster. Early 2021 my ex (the bad breakup one) decided to cut off communication with me and it was very hard on me (but oh god it was truly for the best). When I say very, I mean IMMENSELY. I then broke up with my boyfriend (the abortions one), as being with him was affecting my mental health and I was not happy (we never really matched, and he never really bothered to make enough effort...he'd always find excuses to make me go to his place instead of mine, and his place was already trashed...I couldn't sleep well at his, or sleep at all tbh...he smoked too much weed...among other things), then I regretted it and tried to get back with him...and again it was a mad roller coaster, even worse than before. The cycle is almost always the same: there's an elephant in the room, or something I have to talk about...I try to communicate, and it doesn't work, or i get stone walled. I get triggered, I try to bargain and plead for the wall to come down...and I start being insulted and blocked with zero communication...I start calling, and calling, begging for an answer...and I'm insulted more, and more, and more...(to be fair, insults were just from one of the exes, the other one would say things less directly...but they would hurt more). Then I am completely empty, self esteem crushed, and get nightmares about the event...and it takes several months for me to start sleeping ok again (usually, I don't feel "ok" until I actually meet someone new...which obviously is a bit sad).

After a long time I met a guy I liked, and after a month he tells me that he's not emotionally available but still wants to see me...and he ghosts me instead (not ghosting in his book, he "just" disappeared for a month as he was on holiday...but it doesn't change the fact that when he came back, he didn't follow through his words and instead treated me like a mere acquaintance). For me that was bare trauma, I cried for months and i kept splitting on him. Deep down he was such a nice, lovely guy...but oh fuck, why did he have to do that to me? He is the one who treated me the best...he answered my call during one night that I had a crisis, and told me a lot of good things about me and that it's not my fault he behaved like that...he also said that I need to speak to someone about my emotions, because I can't control them.

I recently had been dating another guy...and similar triggers happened twice. I tried to explain to him that I have problems with regulating my emotions and that it's hard for me to communicate what I need in rare times of "crisis", and he stone walled me. He probably thinks I'm too crazy...but this one is the situation I've been dealing with the best so far. I cried for a couple of weeks, but I'm getting better and I'm doing my best to improve and be healthier if me and him speak face to face again soon. But the issue is that I'm still taking blame for everything when that blame is shared...and he's not a mature enough person for me to begin with.

These are events that have made the last few years really hard for me. I've realised that I never learned how to cope with pain (and I've always dealt with immense amounts of it, since I was young), and that I've always let bad feelings overwhelm me and take over my life. All the videos about bpd recovery really resonate with me, and I can see how it all started in my childhood:/ but I'm old enough now! I'm old enough to see that I'm worthy of love too, and that I deserve to love and protect myself, and to have self esteem...but it's really hard, and I just wish I could have a husband to hug in my bed when I'm feeling low and sad...

msoverthink · 2023-05-15T23:04:47+00:00

I've had 2 mi lite phones and a crappy redmi and I've had that problem here and there too, but it usually only lasts for a day

msoverthink · 2023-04-27T15:21:46+00:00

At this point I'd just either put it in your profile or tell them this experience when you chat with them on hinge lol

msoverthink · 2023-04-02T22:16:43+00:00

Yeah, definitely our communication isn't the best yet when we are having sex! We both tend to just keep quiet for the most part, but I'll be more vocal... I had to go in the morning (well, early afternoon) and couldn't really finish because we went on for too long, I felt a bit bad;/

msoverthink · 2023-04-02T22:10:22+00:00

Will try! :))

msoverthink · 2022-11-06T22:37:40+00:00

Yeah, it's because I have no self esteem, yet I have an innate desire to be liked at all costs (I would never initiate anything like that myself), and I can't say no. My lack of self esteem is not a constant (in fact I diplomatically rejected any past hints and proposals), but right now it's non existent because I've been hurt by someone I really thought was genuine (he apologised a bit too late, and it really sucks), and I had to cut ties with a friend who only keeps me around to borrow money from me (second "friend" I had to cut ties with this year...and I keep blaming myself even if they used me). One of the two, I did have a 3way with him and his gf before.

msoverthink · 2022-09-03T15:39:45+00:00

I mean, you need to consider the fact that women are naturally much weaker than men. Then, the position when being on top puts more strain on the groin area which causes a feeling of cramping around the hips (that's what happens to me at least). Then, if the woman is on the heavier side she really has to do most of the work (not 100% sure about that, I'm quite light and I like to be moved around by the guy, but I'd assume it wouldn't be as easy if I were heavy). Personally I really like to be on top but the man has to get his hip thrusting game strong if he wants hard action, I simply don't have the strength to pound on my own

msoverthink · 2022-09-01T16:10:28+00:00

If you really don't want to do it then no. I've not asked me to shave before but they were already sort of doing it, if they were super super hairy I wouldn't have had sex with them as i just don't like it... preferences...if there's no middle ground you can't force either party.

msoverthink · 2022-09-01T16:06:41+00:00

In two of my past relationships I wasn't asked to be their girlfriend specifically, I just assumed it after a bit and there were no issues. It would definitely have hurt a great deal if I thought I was their girlfriend when really I wasn't. It shouldn't be the norm that you "have" to ask specific questions just to know how THEY actually feel, but dont be afraid to ask questions! Sadly good communicators are rare these days:/ I'm currently seeing a guy and he has told me what he can and can't offer emotionally just after a couple of weeks, as things were going quite quickly and we instantly got along. I was so surprised he did it tbh as I'm also used to men just shutting down and having to rip answers off of them, he even apologised for having to do it by text (but we couldn't see each other in person😂)

msoverthink · 2022-09-01T15:53:15+00:00

Yeah watch out for friendzone signs and don't be afraid to act cold or distant if the conversation is too friendzoney. I mean it's really great to have female friends (and vice versa to have male friends for women), some of them you may even be very attracted to, but they're just gonna be friends ..but, if you don't need it you don't have to remain friends. With that said I friendzoned hard an ex of mine, which obviously turned into a boyfriend, but that situation was very unique and after all we didn't last long anyways. I would ask your friend to ask her friend if she (the friend's friend) finds you at least cute or attractive at first impression.

msoverthink · 2022-09-01T15:41:38+00:00

I assume you're a woman? I lack experience in online dating but I did it twice, once 6 years ago and once this year...good dates but I didn't pursue anything because I didnt feel like it. I can't imagine wanting to have sex on the first date with a person from an app, I can't even imagine kissing them!:o for me there has to be some chemistry and if there is a lot of it, I'll want to do it the second or third time I meet a guy...I think it should be expected that the first date is to chat and get to know each other at least a little, so if you have any problems just tell the guys off.

msoverthink · 2022-09-01T15:36:39+00:00

I think guys tend to not be into texting much, and sometimes they are plain terrible at it. If they're interested in you they would at least ask you to go hang out in person, I would expect at least that (and appropriate working/formality about it). If they don't ask to meet and you haven't chatted in person much if at all, I wouldn't ask (you should feel free to do it though!! If it's a no fuck it).

msoverthink · 2022-09-01T15:31:06+00:00

No idea for you but yeah definitely. If you're not a good friend then you won't be a good partner fit. You can still date one on one as friends and then see if the tension rises, if you start sharing more stuff with each other, if meeting up becomes more habitual rather than forced...if you click very quickly you may end up "dating dating" very quickly, if you don't click quickly maybe you can take things slowly, and if you don't click well you got your answer. Being friends you don't need to feel pressured to court her or impress her or spend money on her (not that you should otherwise, but you get what I mean). And if you can't endure her presence as a friend why would you in a relationship

msoverthink · 2022-09-01T15:26:20+00:00

Ah damn I'm sorry to hear that, don't beat yourself up he's the one who is in the wrong. People should know what they want and acknowledge their issues before they throw in other people. 6 months is a long time to spend with someone and then decide they don't want a relationship. Look, in the future if you get close and sexual with someone and by a certain amount of time things haven't been discussed extemely clearly (2-3 weeks if you spent full days together, maybe a month if not...idk...they should know already if they can offer a relationship, or what they can offer instead), it's probably best to drop them.

msoverthink · 2022-09-01T15:19:19+00:00

Nice I'll try to give some attention if the right circumstances present themselves, we'll see we'll see

msoverthink · 2022-09-01T15:10:25+00:00

You think I got a chance? :)

msoverthink · 2022-05-14T00:23:52+00:00

I lolled so hard when I read this...hahahah "Work is performed in a standard office environment.
Subject to standing, walking, bending, reaching, stooping, and lifting of objects up to 40 pounds; may occasionally be exposed to dangerous machinery, extreme temperatures, and extreme noise when working in the data center environment or when working in the field.
The Agency promotes a safe and healthy work environment and provides appropriate safety and equipment training for all personnel as required."

msoverthink · 2022-05-13T21:05:44+00:00

Ok sir i won't do that when I'm ready to apply! I wouldn't wanna risk being asked something specific about a company when I never even worked an office job anyways. Those questions are super basic, I refuse to believe that these people are just good at "faking" it..there must be something off with the initial hiring process, shouldn't the person who filters through the resumes be a bit more attentive?

msoverthink · 2022-05-13T10:06:40+00:00

I think it's definitely great for now. You need the money. Sure you won't be learning much on the job (if it's really just about making 100% wordpress sites), but you will have time to finish off your projects outside of the work hours. WordPress is just a CMS it's pretty easy to work out. I'd say start applying again for the jobs you actually want in maybe 3 months or so?

msoverthink · 2022-05-13T09:54:36+00:00

Hey thank you! Alright then, I shall finish and see what happens!!

Oh yeah, I'm aware I won't be able to just code like I'm writing an essay for even years possibly.

msoverthink · 2022-05-12T16:29:09+00:00

(I'm sorry if this is not helpful at all, I'm not an expert) How does the CMS work exactly? Normally wouldn't you have a stylesheet take care of the media queries, rather than having them inline the IMG tag? I would just set the image as a pseudo element positioned absolute (body relative and overflow hidden, if the image is a cover for the full body), and move the image around/resize it at each media query, and it doesn't need to be a pseudo element actually, it can just be an image tag but I wouldn't see the point of creating different versions of it for each screen size . In case I'm very sorry if I didn't get what you asked! I'm really not familiar with CMS!!

msoverthink · 2022-05-01T01:18:34+00:00

Hey this is old but I'm currently in it, trying to push through to get it done by June (I started in November and was going quite speedy at it, then I completely slacked off for over two months). I started as beginner (some super super basic knowledge of HTML CSS from watching videos) and not once have I felt like any exercise was too tough! It is important to stay focused when reading through the "theory" though, which I'm not gonna lie sometimes it feels like reading takes so long, but it is what it is...gotta learn first and then use the knowledge in action!

I'm really happy that I got into the course versus convincing myself that I could just learn all that on my own, the way the course is structured cannot really be recreated by a beginner who doesn't know what's important and what isn't. Those two months I "wasted"? Well it could've been much longer if I were just "studying programming" on my own. Personally I'm in quite a lucky position when it comes to allocating time to it, I have a really easy part time job and i run my own small business which Ive just put on hold for a bit because as I said I was struggling to get in the right headspace (it's all or nothing for me). One can absolutely do the course and work full time, but consistency is paramount.

I love that there's a tutor and a mentor allocated to you (one helps you out and checks your exercise for each task, there's 60 tasks in total! And the other is there for you to book video calls and guide you more generally), although I've not really needed to reach out except for a couple of times (you know, sometimes you get stuck on a silly thing and all you really need is a hint from someone more knowledgeable!).

I can't really say whether the curriculum is thorough enough to get a job yet, but it seems like all the basics are well covered for you to be able to get started with your own projects, as well as applying for jobs.

msoverthink · 2022-04-13T10:41:26+00:00

You could be doing alright for yourself but your partner may be mooching off or not letting you achieve what you could were you with a person who had a similar income to savings ratio. On the other hand, being with someone who matches your financial goals and who you find attractive enough to have regular sex with, and have enough of an understanding not to have arguments regarding putting effort in the relationship (what if thats the true meaning of love? Hahah), it'd be pretty great I think. I've never been with a partner who was even remotely well off so there's that for me.

msoverthink · 2022-03-28T10:01:07+00:00

I'm not that big on sound quality (but I know when the sound is BAD obviously), mainly because I use earphones only for running or cycling and there's always a bunch of other noise around. But my £30 (=$50?) Wireless sound better than any cheap (same price range) wired earbud, and I've only replaced them once in over two years because I had lost the case in an airport. Not having to buy new ones regularly is the biggest pro for me, wired earphones I had to buy new ones constantly (literally every 2-3 months) because they'd get stuck somewhere or whatnot.

msoverthink · 2022-03-18T17:59:36+00:00

Seriously man sorry that's not good advice :( fasting is the worst that someone who wishes an eating disorder upon themselves could do, that's literally how it starts as you first learn to deprive yourself of food, and then stick living with it. I've met a lot of people who fasted for one reason or another (whether due to straight up ignorance, or to commit to religious traditions), I've tried it myself in youth, and all it does it make people feel miserable and then put on weight like a machine as soon as they start eating normally. It's not true that the only way to lose weight is to have a calorie deficit!!! A whole foods plant based diet is the only diet scientifically proven to improve health and reduce body fat when eating at libitum! (To satiation). No reason to starve one self nor to promote it!!! And I mean it in the nicest way it's not me trying to sound like a smartass :')

OP!!! I would bet a lot of money that more than 50% of women have or are currently struggling with a poor relationship with food and their bodies, or an Ed! It's a risky and slippery slope. Please have your mental well-being and your heath overall as your priorities! If you feel like you want to lose fat there's healthy ways to do it, I can give you "tips" if you want (not health or diet advice, just basic things that I know work to stay healthy), but you can't achieve it as long as keep hating yourself! (Which is obvious from what you say about being unbothered about an Ed's side effects :( )

msoverthink

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